Day 3068: Contempt

In Malcolm Gladwell’s Blink, Gladwell explores, among many other topics, the toxic effect of contempt on human relationships. Researcher and psychologist John Gottman, who tapes and analyzes the interactions of couples and the outcomes of their marriages, says that contempt is the single most important predictor of whether a marriage will fail. Contempt (“any statement made from a higher plane” … “trying to put that person on a lower plane”) is “closely related to disgust, and what disgust and contempt are about is completely rejecting and excluding someone from the community.”

Yesterday, I was embraced by the Twitter community after I posted this:

Here were some non-contemptuous and very helpful replies:

You may be worrying and wondering — how could I have a day where FOUR people I didn’t know showed contempt to me? Well, three of them were customer service people who talked to me from a higher plane on the phone, without helping, when I was trying to resolve a health insurance issue. The fourth was a person I didn’t know who talked down to me after I snapped one of the photos I have to share with you today.

Well apparently the Daily Bitch is familiar with contempt.

Here are a few more non-contemptuous exchanges on Twitter:

Sometime, when people treat me with contempt, I get out my negative feelings by pretending to drum along with Billy Cobham.

… and that helps me feel more like a pleasant pheasant.

Feel free to express your thoughts and feelings about this “Contempt” post in a comment, below.

Thanks to helpful communities everywhere, including this one!

Categories: life during the pandemic, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 21 Comments

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21 thoughts on “Day 3068: Contempt

  1. I guess you can return a stranger’s contempt with disdain, Ann.

  2. Oh, all those Twitter comments give me hope! Thank you for sharing them. And the beautiful flowers. Both got my day off to a good start.


    i have been holding onto a desire for retribution stemming from a devastating betrayal so i’ve invested a lot of time studying forgiveness & karma; that said i do think retribution aka an eye for an eye has it’s place lol. my response to you is that if you respect the other than embrace the comments within their context, take what you want and let go of the rest. if you do not respect them, remember it’s not healthy to allow life’s events or other’s behavior to define you. you must sow what you want to reap and that choice is within you…xo’s


  4. Pity them, and then imagine that the next time they look up to the sky a large seagull will crap in their eye!…….and smile.

  5. The very next post I read had this comment:

    If I let you define me, what’s left for me to do?

    Now, there’s a thought!

  6. puella33

    People can be unpleasant at times.It can be very frustrating and humiliating. I’m sure they’re not losing sleep over talking down to you, so why should you? I understand how you feel. With time, we get over it, until another toxic person comes along.

  7. I know that, contrary to the old saying, words can hurt as much as sticks and stones, and can be harder to avoid, but it’s wonderful that after four people spoke to you with contempt at least four times as many came out to support you.

  8. I have contempt for those who act with contempt toward others. I find the most powerful way for me to respond is with indifference.

  9. There is something truly dark going on inside any person who would treat you with contempt, Ann. I am glad you have Harley!

  10. Contempt is the least I can feel with Harley online.

  11. Pingback: Day 3069: Best | The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally

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