In therapy, I talk to people about the importance of doing more of what helps and less of what doesn’t help.
When we talk about what helps and what doesn’t help, we’re including thoughts, behaviors, and other people.
Yesterday, I got to spend some quality time with a person who is very helpful to me, and whom I haven’t seen for a while.
I don’t have a photo of her, right now. So I can’t show you her beautiful, kind face. And a picture, sometimes, IS worth a thousand words.
So how can I describe her?
I can tell you a fact, or two, about Diane.
She’s the sister-in-law of my ex-husband.
She used to live nearby but now she lives far away, so I don’t get to see her as much.
So much for the facts.
How do I feel when I talk to Diane?
I feel heard, seen, understood, and appreciated.
It’s like being warmed by the sun.
(Thanks to The Canadian Expat — another blogger I just discovered! — for that photo.) (Click on the photo to see the full glory.)
Yesterday, I saw Diane in the middle of a day when I was Freaking Out (as I mentioned, here).
One of the reasons I am anxious, right now, is I have yet another “big” presentation to give about my groups at work, next Friday. I tend to Freak Out about such things (especially if I tell myself that a presentation — or anything else — is “big”, important, critical-for-surival-blah-blah-blah).
When I spoke to Diane yesterday, we talked about my presentation, among many other things.
Here are some of the things Diane and I spoke about:
- How very neat and fastidious parents can sometimes cause a naturally messy child to feel insecure and apologetic.
- Eating in a way that’s right for you (especially if you’re not rigid about it) can give you lots of energy.
- If you follow your passion and speak from your heart, you will get through to people.
- This quote from the Talmud: “Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.”
I wanted to end this post, today, with something Diane wrote me, last night, in an e-mail:
“Good luck with your presentation. I’ll send positive energy your way.”
That’s what Diane does. She sends positive energy.
Many thanks to Diane, to expats (Canadian and otherwise), to parents and children who are doing their best, to kind people everywhere, and to you, for reading today.
When I was getting ready for my TEDxCalgary talk a very dear friend gave me some amazing advice on how to calm my nerves that wanted me to believe this was THE most important event of my life and therefore I’d damn well better be freakin’ out about it because I had to absolutely get it perfect.
Remember, Louise, he said, It’s your head that’s freaking you out. It likes to believe perfection is the only solution. Your heart knows the truth. Connect to its memory of why you want to give this talk. To inspire. To create possibility. To stir up people’s imaginations. To make space for miracles to happen. So no matter what… keep breathing. Deeply. And listen to your heart. And when you get stuck. Smile and breathe.
He was right. I breathed. I remembered my opening and the close and in between, I let the words flow. Nobody else knew when I missed a point, or messed up — and in the end it didn’t matter. I did my absolute best and fulfilled on my reason for doing it — that was what was most awesome! 🙂
It was my head that was freaking me out.
I bet you will be amazing — your heart knows the truth.