Day 3298: Hyper-vigilance

Hyper-vigilance is well know to me, both as a therapist and as a person diagnosed with PTSD (because of my hospital experiences when I was a child and living with a very rare heart condition for 68 years).

Because of the pandemic, global warming, racism, economic disparities, and many other complex and constant abuses to our psyches and our bodies, there are very few of us who are not hyper-vigilant these days.

Here is a definition of hyper-vigilance from healthline.com:

Yesterday, when I was at a hospital waiting for a bone scan, I tweeted this as I was trying to take deep breaths and slow down some racing thoughts:

Some people on Twitter responded with gratitude for the thought, others pointed out how hyper-vigilance is not a choice. I work on hyper-vigilance every day, and I understand.

Do you see hyper-vigilance in my other images for today?

I think our phones add to our hyper-vigilance, do you?

I want to be vigilant (and not hyper) in wishing a happy birthday to my first husband (and father of our son, Aaron), who reads this blog. Happy birthday, Leon Dave, and many more!

Because of my vigilance in sharing music I love in this blog, here’s one of my favorite Thomas Dolby tunes:

Thanks to all who are vigilant enough to get to the bottom of this “Hyper-vigilance” blog post, including YOU!

Day 3273: What feels left unfinished?

At the end of every group I facilitate, I ask people what feels left unfinished, so they can get a good enough sense of closure for the group session.

I finished my day yesterday by asking this question on Twitter:

Everything can feel left unfinished, because we are all in the middle of our journeys through life. I think the best we can do is to celebrate whatever closures we can attain.

My blog posts feel left unfinished to me until I share my other images for the day.

It looks like the Daily Bitch is finished with people.

One thing that feels left unfinished to me is an explanation about our cat Joan’s recurring ear infections. Today I am taking her to the vet and am hoping for some closure about that.

These posts feel left unfinished until I share some relevant music.

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I love this comment on YouTube about Schubert’s Unfinished Symphony:

Of, course my blog posts feel left unfinished until I express thanks to all who help me create them, including YOU!

Day 3163: Say Yes to the Mess

“Say Yes to the Mess” is something I put on a t-shirt years ago.

I chose to wear that t-shirt yesterday, partly because we’re all imperfectly messy human beings, trying to deal with the mess we’ve made — climate change, racism, pandemics, wars, etc. etc.

Little did I know that I would be wearing that same t-shirt to the Emergency Room this morning because of the first nosebleed I’ve ever gotten in my life, which started last night at 2 AM and is showing no signs of abating as I’m writing this.

What a mess!

I’ve had no choice but to say yes to many messes in my life. Saying “yes” doesn’t mean I like the messes; saying “yes” means I accept the reality of them and do my best to deal with them while staying positive. It also means accepting the intrinsic messiness of being alive while figuring out the next achievable step to move forward.

Let’s say yes to the mess in today’s images as I wait for a doctor to show up to stop my current mess.

A doctor just came in and we’re figuring out a way to say yes to this mess and to get me home soon!

Say yes to a mess of gratitude from me to you!

Day 2983: Weakness or strength?

I have a weakness for Twitter, where somebody recently asked, “Do you think crying is a sign of weakness or strength?” I had the strength to answer as follows:

Do you see weakness or strength in my other images for today?

Is admitting mistakes, like today’s Daily Bitch, a sign of weakness or strength?

When I search for “weakness or strength” on YouTube, I find this:

Here’s “Strength No Weakness” by Demarjay Smith.

That reminds me that exactly a year ago, the week before lockdown, I was in Times Square in New York, attending a group therapy conference and contracting COVID. Is it weakness or strength to share that with you, here and now?

Actually, I think it’s helpful to think in terms of AND, not OR, so it’s all weakness AND strength.

Many thanks to those who help me share my weakness and strength in this daily blog, including YOU!

Day 2860: Achieve a calm state

How to achieve a calm state four days before the most important Election Day in my long lifetime ?

• Breathe.
• Get some nutritious sleep.
• Eat some nutritious food.
• Listen to people you love.
• Restrict your “doomscrolling” through the latest news.
• Laugh.
• Express yourself.
• Get some exercise.
• Play music.
• Play.
• Keep your blood pressure low.
• Be safe.
• Share your views, including fun fotos.

Also, realize that it’s hard for the current administration to make a comeback.

Let’s achieve a calm state together as we watch “Porch restaurant caters to chipmunk.”

Achieve a calm state as you take in my gratitude to all who helped me create this achieve-a-calm-state post, including my wonderful, dog-loving Primary Care doctor Laura Kate Snydman at Tufts Medical Center, Georgia food writer Angela Hansberger, Thelonius Munk, the Daily Bitch Calendar, and YOU.

Day 2838: Just keep walking

Yesterday, I

• facilitated a Coping and Healing group remotely from my home,
• went to Tufts Medical Center to get my first echocardiogram since contracting COVID-19 in March,
• heard from my wonderful cardiologist Dr. Deeb Salem via email that there was no change in my heart,
• celebrated the great news by buying cream puffs from my favorite bakery,
• drove by a demonstration of Black Lives Matter people and Blue Lives Matter people,
• told my husband and son my good news,
• walked back toward the demonstration,
• visited the beautiful collection of painted rocks on the beach,
• Sharpied more Trump stickers,
• stood with the Black Lives Matter people as many more Blue Lives Matter people swirled around us with flags and loud noisemakers,
• asked one of the Black Lives Matter people whether the Blue Lives Matter people were supporting Democrats (whose national color is blue),
• explained to that person that I was kidding,
• was told by another Black Lives Matter person that I was awesome and my hair looked great,
• started walking back home,
• told a guy who passed me and started talking nonsense about the Black Lives Matter people, “I don’t agree with you so just keep walking,”
• got caught in a wild and windy rainstorm,
• just kept walking home for another 30 minutes,
• changed out of my wet clothes,
• had some cream puffs,
• ate a delicious swordfish dish made by my husband Michael,
• watched the Vice President debate with my husband and son,
• commented on a fly’s affinity for Mike Pence,
• ate more cream puffs,
• declared Kamala Harris the winner,
• dealt with our internet and cable going out during the debate analysis,
• put aside worry about it being restored in time for my groups today,
• went to sleep, and
• woke up in time to blog before my dental cleaning this morning at 8 AM.

Let’s just keep walking through my most recent photos.

I just keep walking through my Daily Bitch Calendar until November.

I just walked over to YouTube to find “Kamala” by Randy Rainbow:

Just keep commenting, below.

Thanks to all who help me keep walking and blogging every day, including YOU!

Day 2775: Overload

Yesterday, when I was in an elevator at Tufts Medical Center, overloaded with awareness AND worry about being out and about during the coronavirus pandemic, I saw this:

These days, we are dealing with an overload of

• bad news,
• uncertainty about the future,
• corruption,
• lies,
• trauma,
• injustice,
• deaths, and
• information (which is why I linked to a load of other material throughout this list).

Thankfully, I’ve had  an overload of  good care from my long-time cardiologist, Dr. Deeb Salem (featured in an overload of my previous posts here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here).

Even though this blog might have an overload of photos of Dr. Salem, here is another one from my appointment with him yesterday:

During the coronavirus pandemic, frontline health workers like Dr. Salem have to wear an overload of Personal Protective Equipment.  Dr. Salem, who has an overload of cardiology students wanting to work with him, told  one of them yesterday that he always schedules me for his last appointment of the day because we have an overload of things to talk about. Yesterday’s overloaded conversation included

• Dr. Salem’s personal experience of working with Dr. Anthony Fauci (who is “a very smart and very good guy”),
• discussions of my having had the coronavirus in March and possible lasting effects of that,
• scheduling an echocardiogram to make sure that there is no permanent damage to my heart because of COVID-19,
• the possibility of Dr. Salem and I writing a book together,
• my stating that Dr. Salem and I have an overload of respect and love for each other,
• Dr. Salem saying, “I think you’re doing great,” and
• scheduling our next overloaded appointment for the day after my 68th birthday in February.

Dr. Salem said he was interviewed on Boston TV recently about his experiences working with Dr. Fauci, but I can’t find that interview in the overload of videos out there about Dr. Fauci.

Here’s an overload of other photos from yesterday:

Michael overloads our plates with nutritious food, ever day.

Here‘s “Overload” by Zinnia, which has been loaded over 7 million times on YouTube.

I’m looking forward to an overload of comments, below.

As always, I have an overload of gratitude to all, including YOU.

Day 2627: Comfort Plan

I think most of us need a comfort plan these days, so I was glad to see this in my hospital room yesterday:

How would you fill in your own personal comfort plan?  For me, it’s connecting and communicating with people I love …

 

… eating healthy food …

… looking forward to better days ahead …

… noticing the beauty around me …

… treating myself ….

… self care …

… a peaceful environment and quiet rest …

… taking reasonable precautions …

… sharing photos and thoughts with you through this blog…

… and listening to comforting music.

 

Part of my comfort plan is to express gratitude, every day.

 

Day 2626: No one asked for this

Yesterday, after I published my breaking news post, I discovered I had cold symptoms and a slight fever.

Worried that I might have caught the coronavirus (which no one asked for) during the week-long group therapy conference in NYC, I informed my manager and my doctors. Because of my risk factors (over 60 years old, chronic heart issues), the doctors decided they would test me for the virus if my temperature went above 100.4. Also, because I’ve gotten endocarditis (a dangerous inflammation of the heart which I also never asked for) three times in my life, I usually ask to get tested for that whenever I run a fever.

No one asked for this, but I stayed home from work, watched TV, monitored my temperature, and took photos of more breaking news which nobody asked for.

I also caught up on the Stephen Colbert shows I had missed last week. I took a photo of this …

… thinking “my next blog post will probably be titled ‘No one asked for this.'”

No one asked for the coronavirus outbreak. Also, no one asked for me to run a fever of 100.6 in the evening, which I did.

When I reported my fever to my medical team, they asked me to go to the Emergency Room, another thing I’ve never asked for. I asked if I could finish the delicious salmon dish Michael had cooked for me first.

They asked me to wear a mask to the Emergency Room. Since I didn’t have a mask, they asked me to wear a scarf around my face. I asked Michael to accompany me to the Emergency Room.

They tested me for many things, including the flu and endocarditis. I certainly didn’t ask to be admitted to the hospital overnight, but the Emergency Room doctor didn’t like my oxygen levels.

No one asked for this, but here are more photos from yesterday.

No one asked for this, but they think I might have pneumonia. Whether or not you ask for this, I’ll give you more updates in my next post.

No one asked for my gratitude, but I give it willingly, every day.

Day 2566: What’s the matter with me?

What’s the matter with me, that I’ve written three posts  (here, here, and here) with the title “What’s wrong with me?”  over the last seven years?

What’s the matter with me, that one day after I lost and found my wallet, I dropped a New Yorker tote bag with my marriage certificate while I was walking to work in the extreme cold, even though that marriage certificate matters so much to me?

What’s the matter with me, that I was considering titling this post “What would Freud say?”

What’s the matter with me, that I’m explaining losing track of important things by telling myself that I’m so concentrated on not losing my wedding ring (which is too big) that I’m dropping other things?

What’s the matter with me, that I have SO MANY things to keep track of every day?

What’s the matter with me, that I’m sharing only these photos from yesterday?

What’s the matter with me, that I’m losing track of so many things these days but can still hear this song in my head?

What’s the matter with me, that

• I’m sad that Sam Cooke died so young,
• I’m anxious about so many matters in today’s news,
• I tell people in my therapy groups that anxiety about forgetting makes us forget even more, and
• when people ask me “What’s wrong with me?” I answer “nothing.”

If you comment on what you think is the matter with anything, that will matter to me.

What’s the matter with me, that I always end every post with gratitude?