As I am well into my seventh year creating and sharing this daily blog, my expectations are that I would have blogged about this important topic of expectations before (which I did, here, here, and here).
I have no expectations about whether you will read those previous blog posts.
Yesterday, in a Coping and Healing group, the chosen topic was expectations.
My expectation is that my drawing, above, needs some explanation: There were big black boxes (which contained stage lights) blocking our view of the dancers’ feet, which was not what I expected. At first I was disappointed (“So you thought you could see!”) , but then I let go of that expectation (“Okay. It is what it is.”) and thoroughly enjoyed the performances.
I wonder if people have any expectations about my other photos from yesterday?
If you attend your high school reunion wearing your old prom outfit, that will probably go against people’s expectations.
My expectations, here and now, include the following:
People will express thoughts and/or feelings in comments, below.
The United States of America will have a new President by 2021.
There are certain things I can control and other things I cannot control.
Letting go of expectations helps me be more committed to the present moment.
On Day 2525 of this blog I will include the song “In The Year 2525.”
When I have trouble making a decision, it’s often because I fear making the wrong decision. But how do I know a decision is wrong until I make it?
Sometimes I tell people who are having trouble making a decision to consider that there are no wrong decisions. Is that the wrong decision? Because decisions do have consequences.
However, it’s often the wrong decision to obsess about possible consequences before making a decision. The right decision is to decide, act, and then deal with the consequences as best you can.
Last night, I was thinking I had made the wrong decision to sit in the front row of the live show of So You Think You Can Dance.
See those rectangular boxes? They were foot lights that wrongly obscured my view of the dancers’ feet.
It was the wrong decision for me to focus on what was wrong with my view. I made the right decision to enjoy what I could see. And Hannahlei, Jensen, Genessy, Slavik, Darius, Jay Jay, Cole, Magda, Evan, and Chelsea all made the right decision to be dancers. They don’t just think they can dance — they most decidedly can.
Any wrong decisions in my other photos from yesterday?
I wonder if it’s the wrong decision to tell this story about my being a temporary worker during the summer of 1971 at Lynn City Hall (the location of Lynn Memorial Auditorium, where I saw the performance last night).
One of the many jobs I held as a temp worker during the summer of 1971 was in the rent control department of Lynn City Hall. One day, I saw a man I knew from my synagogue come in to speak to the director of the department. When he left, the director said a defamatory word about Jews, which starts with the letter “K.” I had never heard that word spoken out loud; I was shocked. Soon afterwards, somebody else who worked there walked over to my desk and asked “Ann, are you Jewish?” I thought it might be the wrong decision to admit that, so I asked, “WHY?” This guy said, “Because I saw your face when the director said that. I think everybody here thinks you’re Italian.” The next day, the director, looking very uncomfortable, came over to my desk and said, “You know, I think it’s GREAT that Israel is bombing the hell out of (whomever Israel was bombing the hell out of that summer).” I decided to look him right in the eye and say, “Really? I think it’s TERRIBLE.”
Do you see any wrong decisions there?
It’s never a wrong decision to end with thanks to all who helped me make all the decisions going into the creation of this post and — of course! — YOU.
After filtering the positive and the negative for two thousand and eighty consecutive days here at The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally, I’m amazed that I haven’t written about the common cognitive distortion of Negative Filter before today.
Negative filtering(also known as “Disqualifying the positive”).
This is when we focus on the negative, and filter out all positive aspects of a situation. For example, you get a good review at work with one critical comment, and the criticism becomes the focus, with the positive feedback fading or forgotten. You dismiss positives by explaining them away — for example, responding to a compliment with the thought, “They were just being nice.”
Why do people disqualify the positive? Why do we focus on the negative? When I try to filter through experience and answer those questions, my best guess is that the negative gets our attention because our survival has depended on our being hyper aware of danger and fixating on problems until we solve them.
However, negative filter can lead to depression, hopelessness, and an inability to enjoy the positive.
How can we filter our experiences more effectively, letting in the positive AND the negative? And how can we deal with all the information around us, which can clog up our filters?
As usual, I don’t have all the answers but I do have lots of questions, like what kind of filters do you see in my recent photos?
Let things come to you, but please don’t filter out the positive.
Last night, when I was working on letting go of my own negative filter, I positively and completely enjoyed this tap routine on the season finale of So You Think You Can Dance (if you want to filter everything else out, the dancing starts at 2:30):
Gratitude helps clean out the filter, so thanks to Evan DeBenedetto, Lex Ishimoto, choreographer Anthony Morigerato, everyone else who helped me filter through recent experiences to create today’s post and — of course! — YOU.
Several years ago, a calm co-worker carried this gift from London to my office:
I need that reminder as I carry on at work, sipping calming tea from that cup which I carry on my way.
Today, I shall do my best to keep calm and carry on through
the news,
loss,
obstacles,
miscommunication,
mistakes,
injustice, and
everything else.
I hope my other photos from yesterday help us keep calm and carry on.
Last night at the “So You Think You Can Dance” tour in Boston, Lex found it difficult to keep calm and carry the pizza when he saw Koine. Here‘s a reprise of the video from yesterday’s blog post:
How do you keep calm and carry on?
I keep calm and carry on with the help of others, including you!
In order for me to generate a daily supply of blog posts, I need inspiration from what I see around me.
Apparently, nobody needs supplies there. However, I need supplies of
kindness,
consideration,
respect,
safety,
honesty,
love,
awareness,
humor,
nourishment,
friendship,
engagement,
rest,
acceptance,
choice,
connection,
self esteem,
confidence,
support,
sunshine,
nature,
music, and
macaroni & cheese on Fridays.
What supplies do you need?
Here’s a supply of more photos, which I need to share:
I also need a yearly supply of “So You Think You Can Dance,” which I choose to attend in Boston this evening. Lex, the winner of this year’s competition, has an amazing supply of incredible moves (seen here and here on YouTube):
I also need a daily supply of comments from my readers.
Finally, I have an endless supply of gratitude for the supplies I’ve been given and — of course! — for you.
