Posts Tagged With: sexism

Day 2791: Reasons you should speak up

Are you ever in situations where you don’t speak up, and you’re not sure why you are silencing yourself?

I’ve noticed this in myself and in others. And this tendency to not speak up is especially critical these days, when silence can equal violence.

Besides that article about speaking up against racism (linked to in the previous paragraph), I’m also looking at a helpful article by Kevin Daum that discusses 5 Reasons You Should Speak Up (Even When You Think You Shouldn’t).  For me, the highlights of that article are that

  • Silence is deemed approval and is not an effective way to avoid conflict.
  • Many stay silent because they don’t want to do any harm by criticizing or offending someone.
  • It’s important to show your commitment to the process by being vocal.
  • Honesty builds trust, especially when combined with tact and empathy.
  • What’s obvious to you might not be obvious to others.
  • You may not be alone in your thinking.

Are there other reasons to speak up? What might get in the way of you speaking up about that, here?

For me, what gets in the way of speaking up includes:

  • fear of doing harm,
  • fear of being misunderstood,
  • fear of feeling alone,
  • fear of being attacked for my opinion,
  • fear of exposing myself or others,
  • fears that are difficult to describe but which have lived in my heart for a long time,
  • wanting to maintain harmony whenever possible,
  • internalized sexism,
  • internalized ageism,
  • the saying “silence is golden,”
  • not being sure, in the moment, of what I want to say,
  • wishing to hear all sides before I decide what I want to say,
  • denial about what is going on (if the situation feels uncomfortable),
  • believing that the time  to speak up has passed,
  • distraction,
  • exhaustion,
  • mind-reading, catastrophizing, and other cognitive distortions.

However, when I don’t speak up, I usually regret it. It’s helpful for me to

  • remember that I CAN  speak up next time and
  • forgive myself for my past silences, because guilt and shame are silencers.

Are there reasons to speak up about my pictures from yesterday?

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Please don’t be afraid of those right and wrong buzzers and speak up in a comment, below.

I also want to speak up about my friend Megan

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… who gives me the courage to speak up. Yesterday, we spoke up to each other about the pandemic, racism, privilege, our work as therapists, the death of a shared patient from COVID-19,  difficult people, uncertainty, masks, politics, hopes, our children, the past, the present, the future, and our long-time friendship.

Here‘s “Speak Up, Speak Out” from Melinda Carroll:

 

Nothing gets in the way of my speaking up  about my gratitude to all who help me create these posts and — of course! — to YOU.

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Categories: cognitive behavioral therapy, friendship, life during the pandemic, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 27 Comments

Day 2713: Lectures

There will be no lectures, here and now  — just a sharing of information and images, like this one:

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Please, no lectures about that button I made for a woman who has to  deal with a man who lectures her.  Instead, let’s look at this definition of lecture:

to criticize (someone) severely or angrily especially for personal failings

“the frustrated manager lectured the waitstaff about its poor level of service”

Synonyms for lecture

baste, bawl out, berate, call down, castigate, chastise, chew out, dress down, flay, hammer, jaw, keelhaul, lambaste (or lambast), rag, rail (at or against), rant (at), rate, ream (out), rebuke, reprimand, reproach, scold, score, tongue-lash, upbraid
Words Related to lecture

admonish, chide, remonstrate (with), reprove
abuse, assail, attack, bad-mouth, blame, blast, censure, condemn, criticize, crucify, denounce, dis (also diss) [slang], excoriate, fault, harangue, knock, lace (into), lash, pan, reprehend, revile, scourge, slam, vituperate
belittle, disparage, mock, put down
ridicule, scoff, scorn

Phrases synonymous with lecture

lay into, read the riot act (to), take to task

Near antonyms for lecture

approve, endorse (also indorse), sanction
extol (also extoll), laud, praise

Please, no lectures about my sharing the definition, synonyms, and antonyms for the verb form of the word “lecture” there.

Instead of lectures, I prefer

  • action,
  • help,
  • thoughtfulness,
  • kindness,
  • empathy,
  • awareness,
  • understanding,
  • listening,
  • approval,
  • endorsement,
  • praise,
  • openness,
  • flexibility, and
  • acceptance.

Who lectures you, these days?   Authority figures?  Family members? Acquaintances? YOURSELF?

How do those lectures affect you?  How do you deal with them?

If you wear a button like this about lectures …

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… at least you’re being direct and polite.

No lectures about signing up for my socially distanced performance of “I Left the House Before I Felt Ready” tomorrow night between 7 – 9 PM, USA Eastern Time, but you do need to do that TODAY by using this link:

https://www.signupgenius.com/go/9040b4eadaa23a2f49-jamn2

Are there any lectures in my other photos from yesterday, when I left the house before I felt ready?

 

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I didn’t hear any lectures in Buena Vista Social Club last night, but I did hear great music including this:

 

I look forward to your thoughts and feelings about lectures, below.

No lectures, just thanks to all who helped me create this “Lectures” post, including YOU.

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Categories: definition, life during the pandemic, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 25 Comments

Day 2609: I’m more of a ____ kinda girl

I wonder if my readers know what kinda girl I am.

I’m a chocolate-loving kinda girl.

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I’m the kind of girl who likes passion, dance,  excitement, fun, and surprises.

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I’m the kind of girl who appreciates warmest wishes.

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I’m the kind of girl who writes helpful phrases on her white board at work.

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I’m the kind of girl who has the Daily Bitch Calendar.

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I try to be a kind kinda girl.

It’s kind of a drag that girls don’t get more respect, even in 2020.

 

 

What kind of a comment are you going to leave about this kind of post?

I’m more of an expressing-appreciation kinda girl, every day.

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Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

Day 2513: Looks can be deceiving.

Let’s look at the meaning of today’s title: “Looks can be deceiving.”

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—used to say that something can be very different from how it seems or appears to be
The restaurant doesn’t look very appealing, but looks can be deceiving/deceptive.

I think many things and people can be deceiving, especially these days.  I wish that those who are commenting on the deceiving people would focus less on their looks and more on their deeds. For example, I’m tired of hearing how

  • Rudy Giuliani looks like a ghoul or a vampire (even if these observations are appropriate to the season) and
  • Donald Trump looks like a cheeto or something else orange.

After all, looks can be deceiving.  I’m sure there are people out there looking like ghouls, vampires,  cheetos, or other odd-looking things who are honest, kind, and effective leaders.  Likewise, there are people out there who look great and are deceiving, manipulative, and scary.

So why do we focus so much on looks?

I looked online and found this 2009  New York Times article Yes, Looks Do Matter, which includes these words:

… many social scientists and others who study the science of stereotyping say there are reasons we quickly size people up based on how they look. Snap judgments about people are crucial to the way we function, they say — even when those judgments are very wrong.

On a very basic level, judging people by appearance means putting them quickly into impersonal categories, much like deciding whether an animal is a dog or a cat. “Stereotypes are seen as a necessary mechanism for making sense of information,” said David Amodio, an assistant professor of psychology at New York University. “If we look at a chair, we can categorize it quickly even though there are many different kinds of chairs out there.”

Eons ago, this capability was of life-and-death importance, and humans developed the ability to gauge other people within seconds.

Susan Fiske, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Princeton, said that traditionally, most stereotypes break down into two broad dimensions: whether a person appears to have malignant or benign intent and whether a person appears dangerous. “In ancestral times, it was important to stay away from people who looked angry and dominant,” she said.

Women are also subdivided into “traditionally attractive” women, who “don’t look dominant, have baby-faced features,” Professor Fiske said. “They’re not threatening.”

Indeed, attractiveness is one thing that can make stereotypes self-fulfilling and reinforcing. Attractive people are “credited with being socially skilled,” Professor Fiske said, and maybe they are, because “if you’re beautiful or handsome, people laugh at your jokes and interact with you in such a way that it’s easy to be socially skilled.”

“If you’re unattractive, it’s harder to get all that stuff because people don’t seek you out,” she said.

AGE plays a role in forging stereotypes, too, with older people traditionally seen as “harmless and useless,” Professor Fiske said. In fact, she said, research has shown that racial and ethnic stereotypes are easier to change over time than gender and age stereotypes, which are “particularly sticky.”

Since I’m an older woman, I have to work extra hard to prove that I am neither useless nor any other “particularly sticky” stereotype. I’m sure I’m not alone in needing to show that looks can be deceiving.

Let’s see if looks can be deceiving in any of my photos from yesterday.

Did you know that “Looks Can Be Deceiving” is on YouTube?

I’m not deceiving when I express my thanks to all who help me create these daily posts, including YOU.

 

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 27 Comments

Day 1782: Bananas

Some days, it occurs to me that the whole world has gone bananas.

Yesterday was one of those days.

This is now, bananas and all.

Here’s a song I used to sing with my son, when life didn’t seem quite as bananas as it does now.

Yesterday, Michael told me he thought Senator Al Franken should resign immediately. I told him I thought that was bananas. But I am bananas about Michael and his thoughts.

Also, a friend I’m bananas about told me that yesterday’s post suggested that there was something demeaning about being a secretary. I replied:

I don’t think there is something demeaning about being a secretary. That was not de meaning of my post.

Was that bananas?

Please express any thoughts and feelings you have about the bananas in this post.

Thanks to all who helped me create today’s bananas blog and — of course! — to you.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

Day 1781: Eye roll

I am going to start with a definition of “eye roll” because that’s how I roll.

The action of rolling one’s eyes, typically as an expression of exasperation, disbelief, or disapproval.

Yesterday, when somebody at work treated me like I was his secretary, I did an eye roll in the privacy of my office.  While my eyes were rolling, I composed an email in my head that said

I am not your secretary! I am not even your assigned social worker!  I don’t like this!

but I didn’t send it.  Instead, I sent him an email in which I responded to his request and instructed him how to interact with social work more effectively in the future.

What makes your eyes roll?  Any of these photos?

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Please roll your eyes over this YouTube video combining “Narrow Your Eyes” by They Might Be Giants with cartoon ponies.

Feel free to roll your eyes down to the end of this post to leave a comment.

I thank all  who helped me roll out yet another eye-rolling blog post  and — of course! — you, for rolling your eyes here, today.

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Categories: definition, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 31 Comments

Day 1743: Wonder Woman

The Wonder Woman who writes this blog wonders about many things, including:

  • how to hang up pictures without inflicting damage on the walls,

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  • what to do with built -in wine racks in the kitchen if you don’t drink,

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  • how to stop snacking at night,

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  • why our cats hate this meowing snack clip so much:

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  • what Harley is thinking about,
  • whether anybody is ever going to buy this donut,

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  • what it would have been like to grow up and live in a world without sexism, and
  • if my readers know how grateful I am that they read this blog.

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Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 28 Comments

Day 1729: New words 

Pre-form-ance Anxiety

The anxiety one feels before filling out a form.

Kneeologisms

New words or phrases inspired by new news stories (which may be related to knees).

Condesexsion

A attitude of patronizing disdain based on a belief in the superiority and inferiority of different sexes.

Halloweenie

Someone who gets squeamish about  death images associated with Halloween.

Seaking

Looking to the sea for inspiration and solace.

Techycardia

A rapid heartbeat induced by unpleasant technology-related surprises.

Photogsynthesis

Presenting a group of photographs together  with hopes that they illuminate, clarify, or entertain.

Eutubing

Using YouTube videos for the good of your blog.

 

Grattitude

An attitude of gratitude, especially at the end of a blog post, for all who contribute and all who read (including YOU)!


Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

Day 1419: Let us be kind and compassionate to remove the sadness of the world

Yesterday, a kind and compassionate teabag removed the sadness of my world.

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Let me be kind and compassionate to remove the sadness of the world, as best I can,  with this story:

When I was at cardiac rehab yesterday morning, feeling the sadness of the world, a guy (who had been kind and compassionate to me the week before) teased another guy there, like so: “You lift weights like a girl!” I immediately said, “Is that still an insult?”

Was that kind and compassionate?

When it became obvious to me that my new pacemaker/defibrillator was not being kind and compassionate to my heart while I was exercising, I decided to leave cardiac rehab early. I said to the guy, “I’m leaving, but it’s not because of what you said.”  He replied, “Hey! I’m doing my best, you know. I used to be a truck driver. I’m evolving!” I said, “We’re all evolving.”

Was that kind and compassionate?

To me, it felt like it removed some of the sadness of the world.

Soon after that, my kind and compassionate doctor, Mark Estes, removed the sadness of my world by reprogramming my pacemaker/defibrillator and by giving me more hope about my future. We also talked a little about the sadness of the world, which felt kind and compassionate.

Let us be kind and compassionate with my other photos from yesterday:

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Do those remove any sadness from your world?

Here‘s the kind and compassionate music removing the sadness of my world, here and now:

 

Will you be kind and compassionate and remove the sadness of the world with a comment?

Let me be kind and compassionate, thanking all  who helped me create this post and you — of course! — for bringing your kindness and compassion to my world, today.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 39 Comments

Day 1378: My best side

In this daily blog and elsewhere, I like to present my best side.  That is, I tend to focus on the positive and to share hopeful and optimistic thoughts and feelings.

Of course, each one of us has more than one side, and all of those sides are important.

Today, “my best side” in this post actually refers to somebody else showing a worst side.

Several decades ago, when I was in my 20’s, I was doing my best to create a marketing brochure at a high tech company. The high tech company had hired an advertising company, now defunct, to help us produce that brochure.  One day, the account manager of that advertising company, the project manager within my company, and I discussed who would appear in photographs for the brochure. Here’s the worst side of that conversation:

Project Manager:  We would like to use some of our employees in the photographs for this brochure.  As a matter of fact, we would like to include Ann in one of the photos.

Me: So, make sure you get my best side in the photo!

Account manager (turning to project manager): Well, in that case, she’d have to be bending over. (sleazy laugh)

Me (stunned and shaking my head):  WHAT?????

All of my sides were horrified that the account manager of an advertising agency we had hired had just objectified and dissed me, so blatantly, in front of me and my co-worker.  I was so appalled, I spoke to many people on different sides of my company, hoping to get them to see my side — that the account manager’s behavior was unacceptable, unprofessional, and worthy of swift retribution.

Here’s the worst side of the story —  nobody did anything about it.  The project manager didn’t protest, the female executive I spoke with suggested I just let my anger go, and the high tech company continued to work with the account manager and the advertising agency. I remember being VERY disappointed how none of the decision makers at my company took my side.

Why am I focusing on this dark side of human nature today?  Here’s my best answer for that: two days ago a candidate for President of the USA was shown demonstrating  a similar misogynistic and women-objectifying side. Today, as I write this, most sides are protesting his behavior, which I see as progress.

Back in the late 1970s, I would have wished that somebody else took my side when I was so egregiously objectified and dismissed.  However, I’m grateful for the opportunity to tell my side of that story, today.

What are the best sides of the photos I took yesterday, before I knew which side of myself I was going to show in today’s blog post?

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What does your best side believe about this post? On my side, I believe that I and other human beings deserve to be treated with respect on all sides.

My best side now wants to thank Aretha Franklin, my long-time friend Barbara (who colored “your beautiful heart”), my son Aaron (who FaceTimed with me from Scotland yesterday morning),   all those who helped me create today’s post and you — of course! — for witnessing and bringing different sides, here and now.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 37 Comments

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