Day 1656: Holding on

I’m holding on to many things as we pack up to move, including

• my sense of humor,
• things I find valuable,
• my job,
• creatures I love,
• my thoughts,
• my feelings,
• my sanity, and
• my iPhone, so I can be put on hold and also take pictures of my holdings.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Before I started writing today’s blog post, I got a little ferklempt at the end of this excerpt from last night’s Jimmy Kimmel Show (which is holding on here at YouTube):

 

As always, I’m holding on to gratitude for all those who helped me create today’s post and — of course! — for you, who keep me holding on.

 

 

Day 1539: The No List

No. 1.   Here’s The No List that inspired this post:

No. 2.  The No List on that napkin holder included

• No high fructose corn syrup,
• No hydrogenated fats,
• No added growth hormones in our fresh meat,
• No artificial preservatives,
• No artificial sweeteners.

No. 3.   The No List at Whole Foods ended with this:

No. 4.  My personal No List includes

• No bullies.
• No cruelty.
• No sexism.
• No racism.
• No homophobia.
• No ageism.
• No regrets about saying “No” in the past.

No. 5.  Here’s a list of quotes about No:

No is a complete sentence and so often we forget that.
When we don’t want to do something we can simply smile and say no.
We don’t have to explain ourselves, we can just say “No”.
Early on my journey I found developing the ability to say no expanded my ability to say yes and really mean it.
My early attempts at saying no were often far from graceful but with practice even my no came from a place of love.
Love yourself enough to be able to say yes or no.”
― Susan Gregg

“Let today mark a new beginning for you. Give yourself permission to say NO without feeling guilty, mean, or selfish. Anybody who gets upset and/or expects you to say YES all of the time clearly doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Always remember: You have a right to say NO without having to explain yourself. Be at peace with your decisions.”
― Stephanie Lahart

“Say no to everything, so you can say yes to the one thing.”
― Richie Norton

“Most women are all too familiar with men like Calvin Smith. Men whose sense of prerogative renders them deaf when women say, “No thanks,” “Not interested,” or even “Fuck off, creep.”
― Jon Krakauer, Missoula: Rape and the Justice System in a College Town

“Whether they’re family or friends, manipulators are difficult to escape from. Give in to their demands and they’ll be happy enough, but if you develop a spine and start saying no, it will inevitably bring a fresh round of head games and emotional blackmail. You’ll notice that breaking free from someone else’s dominance will often result in them accusing you of being selfish. Yes, you’re selfish, because you’ve stopped doing what they want you to do for them. Wow. Can these people hear themselves?!”
― Rosie Blythe, The Princess Guide to Life

“It takes effort to say no when our heart and brains and guts and, most important, pride are yearning to say yes. Practice.”
― Cole Harmonson, Pre Middle Age: 40 Lessons in Growing the Hell Up

“He wasn’t used to people saying no, and Eby felt sorry for him, the way she’d always felt sorry for those who had everything and it still wasn’t enough.”
― Sarah Addison Allen, Lost Lake

“Information overload (on all levels) is exactly WHY you need an “ignore list”. It has never been more important to be able to say “No”
― Mani S. Sivasubramanian, How To Focus – Stop Procrastinating, Improve Your Concentration & Get Things Done – Easily!

“We must say “no” to what, in our heart, we don’t want. We must say “no” to doing things out of obligation, thereby cheating those important to us of the purest expression of our love. We must say “no” to treating ourselves, our health, our needs as not as important as someone else’s. We must say “no.”
― Suzette Hinton

“To exist here, I’ll have to become skilled in saying no—an art in which I was once well accomplished, but one I no longer care to practice.”
― Doug Cooper, Outside In

“It is extremely important to be able to make negative assertions. We must be able to say what is ‘not me’ in order to have a ‘me’. What we like has no meaning unless we know what we don’t like. Our yes has no meaning if we never say no. My chosen profession has no passion if ‘just anyone would do’. Our opinions and thoughts mean very little if there is nothing we disagree with.”
― Henry Cloud, Changes That Heal: How to Understand the Past to Ensure a Healthier Future

“If the person you’re talking with continues to press you for more or can’t seem to accept your answer, then you are being harassed. I know that sounds hard for people-pleasers to accept, but it’s true. No means no.”
― Suzette Hinton

“Many survivors have such profound deficiencies in self-protection that they can barely imagine themselves in a position of agency or choice. The idea of saying no to the emotional demands of a parent, spouse, lover or authority figure may be practically inconceivable. Thus, it is not uncommon to find adult survivors who continue to minister to the needs of those who once abused them and who continue to permit major intrusions without boundaries or limits. Adult survivors may nurse their abusers in illness, defend them in adversity, and even, in extreme cases, continue to submit to their sexual demands.”
― Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence – From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror

“If something is not a “hell, YEAH!”, then it’s a “no!”
― James Altucher

“Sometimes “No” is the kindest word.”
― Vironika Tugaleva

“Learn to say “no” to the good and the advantageous, in order to receive the best.”
― Sunday Adelaja

“In order for us to practice self-control, we must have a goal. We must have something we are saying “yes” to, which necessarily comes with things that we must say “no” to. We use self-control to maneuver ourselves toward this “yes.” This goal must be entirely our own. The minute another person is choosing and managing our goals for us, we have left self-control behind.”
― Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On: Connection Communication And Boundaries.

“When you say no to the wrong people, it opens up the space for the right people to come in.”

― Joe Calloway, Magnetic: The Art of Attracting Business

“Until you learn how to confidently say NO to so many things, you shall always say YES to so many things. The real summary of a regretful life is a life that failed to balance YES and NO. Yes! A life that failed to recognize when to courageously say NO and when to confidently say YES!”
― Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

“NO” is a complete sentence. It does not require an explanation to follow. You can truly answer someone’s request with a simple No.”
― Sharon E. Rainey, The Best Part of My Day Healing Journal

No. 6.   Here‘s “Say No to This” from Hamilton. 

No. 7.  Too-expensive tickets to Hamilton have been on my No List, so I’ve said “yes” to just singing along to the soundtrack.

No. 8.  Did you know I said yes to more photos yesterday?

No. 9. Because not sharing is not caring, sharing gratitude is never on my No List.

Day 1107: Just say no

If you’re uncomfortable

just say no.

If it’s not working for you

just say no.

If something offends you

just say no.

If you don’t want to do something

just say no.

If you think it’s better for you

just say no.

If somebody is pressuring you

just say no.

If it doesn’t feel right

just say no.

If you choose not to share something

just say no.

If a behavior doesn’t fit your values

just say no.

If you’re thinking “no” and everybody else is saying “yes”

just say no.

If you don’t want to explain

just say no.

If you’re overwhelmed

just say no.

If you feel manipulated

just say no.

If it’s good for your health

just say no.

If you need to set a boundary

just say no.

If something seems toxic

just say no.

If you need to sit one out

just say no.

If you’re asked to hide your true self

just say no.

If you’ve been told “no” is impolite

just say no.

If something hurts

just say no.

If you can’t deal with the consequences

just say no.

If you need to take a break

just say no.

If you sense danger

just say no.

If you’re asked whether you have the right to just say no

just say yes.

Should I share some photos I took yesterday?

You may just say no,  but I just can’t hear you!

Feel free to say no to anything in this post.  Or not.

Also, if you need some time or don’t know what to say, you can just say nothing.

I’m just saying no, now, to an extended ending with “Thanks for reading!”

Day 611: Saying No

Two days ago, I showed photos with No’s, including:

If you checked my tags for that post — Day 609: Invisible —  you would have seen this one, at the end:

What trees might feel about being cut down

Just now, I added another tag, there:

What trees might say about being cut down

Does everybody know what a “tag” is, in the world of WordPress?

If you said “No,” here’s some information about tags:

Tags provide a useful way to group related posts together and to quickly tell readers what a post is about. Tags also make it easier for people to find your content. Tags are similar to, but more specific than, categories. The use of tags is completely optional.

If my new tag had made more than fifteen tags for that post, I would have said “no” to another tag.  Regular readers might be surprised at my saying “no” to a list entry, because I never say “No” to a good list.  However, my memory is that  WordPress says “No” to excessive tagging, and I quote:

Your posts will appear in the topic listings of any tags or categories you use. Therefore, assigning tags and categories to your post increases the chance that other WordPress.com users will see your content.

However, you don’t want irrelevant content showing up on the topic listings or search, and neither do we. That’s why we limit the number of tags and categories that can be used on a public tag listing. Five to 15 tags (or categories, or a combination of the two) is a good number to add to each of your posts. The more categories you use, the less likely it is that your post will be selected for inclusion in the topic listings.

Hmm. I could have sworn I saw a more direct, obvious “No” about using more than 15 tags at WordPress. My memory is that WordPress told me that if I used more than fifteen tags, all my tags would become invisible. Let’s see if I can quickly find something about that.

No.

It looks like I may be starting a false rumor (something I always try to say “NO!” to).  While I may have a distinct memory of seeing a firm WordPress “NO!”  to more than 15 tags, here’s what I just found:

Is there a limit to the number of tags I can have?
Yes, the sky. In other words, no.

So if there ever was such a tag-limiting rule, WordPress has said “No” to such limits.

I like WordPress’s answer  to its own question about tag number limits, especially because it includes “no” AND its opposite “yes.”

Is everybody with me?

I’m guessing I got some No’s in response, there.

What else do I want to tell you — about “Saying No” — right now?

1. Yesterday, my downstairs neighbor, Karen, said “No” to my assumption that the tree in back was being cut down that day.  The tree has a one-week reprieve and will get its final “No” next week, on September 9 (my late father’s birthday).
2. Yesterday, I set limits with somebody at work, saying a firm “No” to attempts  to push boundaries with me.
3. Yesterday, people at work said a resounding “Yes!” —  with no “No’s” I could hear — to a proposal I’ve made about improving the delivery of behavioral health services at the hospital’s primary care practice.
4. Yesterday, I found out (from a third party) that a person, outside of work, who had contacted me about a possible “Yes” to something I want, has decided to say “No” … and is taking their time telling me “No” directly. (This is a style of communication I say “NO!” to, whenever possible, and which I’ve written about here, here, here, AND here).

Is all of that clear? I would assume No, since I need to be unclear about details here, sometimes, because of confidentiality and other issues.

I would love to say “YES!” to clarity at all times, but I’m doing the best that I can.

Is it time for me to end this post?

Not yet.

Today is the day my 16-year-old son, Aaron, returns to school.

Based on past experiences, I’m assuming he might want to say NO!! to all that.

Here’s some actual dialogue we just had:

Me: Do you feel okay?

Aaron: No.

Me: Is there something I can get you?

Aaron (who usually says “No” to breakfast): Yes.

Me (expecting to hear “No” to this next question): Do you feel ready for school?

Aaron: I guess.

Me (after I put breakfast out for him): Is there anything else I can do?

Aaron: Probably not.

Here’s a photo, I just snapped, of Aaron eating some friggin’ thing:

If you’re wondering if I have any negative feelings, right now, about anything I’ve mentioned in this post, the answer is

No.

Finally, here are some things I saw yesterday, which might get a “No” and/or a “Yes” from you:

  

How might I respond to those signs?

Guess.

Thanks to Aaron, to WordPress, to those who tag (in any form of that word), to people who say “No” and “Yes” as best they can, and to you, especially, for saying “yes” to this post, today.