When you reach out to somebody clearly expressing a wish to connect and you consistently get nothing in return, it’s a shame. I mean, that’s not only an unfortunate and perplexing experience, it also triggers the shame response, which (according to Google) looks like this:
(image found here)
When I experience the shame response, I
- feel the urge to withdraw and hide,
- try to figure out why there’s been no reaction to my attempts to connect,
- remember that experiencing shame in response to perceived devaluation or rejection is a universal human reaction and that there’s no shame in shame, and
- resolve to reconnect more effectively — if not to the same person then to others.
What do you do when you experience the shame response to perceived devaluation or rejection?
I think it’s a shame if I don’t share my photos from yesterday.
It’s a shame that the last image shows a color copy of a 20 dollar bill and not the real thing.
Here‘s “It’s a Shame” by The Spinners:
Knowing that your input is important to others helps dispel the shame response. Questions? Concerns? Suggestions?
It’s a shame if I don’t remember to thank all who helped me create today’s post and — of course! — YOU.
Categories: personal growth, photojournalism, Psychotherapy
Tags: "The Shame Response", letting go of guilt, letting go of shame, moods, rejection, shame, shame response, the South Shore of Boston, The Spinners, Yogi Tea
Here are the headlines:
HEADLINE # 1.
My son is home, recovering well from the spontaneous pneumothorax.
My presentation about my new groups, at a 3-day group therapy conference this weekend — which I’ve been blathering about for months (here and elsewhere) — has been cancelled, due to low registration.
When you are upset, down, judgmental, or any other place you don’t want to be, try this: Distracting yourself. It works! Here’s proof: Rather than feeling relief, disappointment, embarrassment, self-criticism, conference-criticism, pessimism, or optimism, I am now thinking, “What the hell is going on with that cricket? And why?”
Gotta go to the conference. Thanks so much for reading today.
Categories: personal growth
Tags: awkward silence, cheering sound effect, coping strategies, cricket noises, disappointment, distraction, group therapy, groups, rejection, relief, self improvement, self-judgment, spontaneous pneumothorax, YouTube