Day 3798: Nothing To Fear

Today is Nothing to Fear Day!

.

Do you see anything to fear in this blog on Nothing to Fear Day?

.

There’s nothing to fear about people’s anger, envy, or bitchiness, which is like cellophane tape. It’s sticky, but you can always peel it off.

Here’s what I find when I search for “nothing to fear.”

.

There is nothing to fear about watching another video on Nothing to Fear Day.

.

I have nothing to fear about that 5-second fear-killing technique, so 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

Day 2347: Come inside and be foolish

Yesterday, when I was walking outside and being foolishly apprehensive about writing and delivering a “Report from the President” at a group therapy conference this weekend, I saw an invitation to come inside and be foolish.

Personally, I appreciate any invitation to come inside and accept all my different parts (from foolish to wise). How about you?

Here’s my next foolish thought:  “The Fool” is the most evolved of all the Jungian archetypes.

The Fool/Jester archetype urges us to enjoy the process of our lives. Although the Fool/Jester can be prone to laziness and dissipation, the positive Fool/Jester invites us all out to play — showing us how to turn our work, our interactions with others, and even the most mundane tasks into FUN. The goal of the Fool/Jester is perhaps the wisest goal of all, which is just to enjoy life as it is, with all its paradoxes and dilemmas.

This fool now wants to look at a definition of “foolish.”

fool·ish
/ˈfo͞oliSH/
adjective
(of a person or action) lacking good sense or judgment; unwise.
“it was foolish of you to enter into correspondence.”

synonyms: stupid, silly, idiotic, halfwitted, witless, brainless, mindless, thoughtless, imprudent, incautious, irresponsible, injudicious, indiscreet, unwise, unintelligent, unreasonable; ill-advised, ill-considered, impolitic, rash, reckless, foolhardy, lunatic; absurd, senseless, pointless, nonsensical, inane, fatuous, ridiculous, laughable, risible, derisible; informal,: dumb, dim, dimwitted, dopey, gormless, damfool, half-baked, harebrained, crackbrained, peabrained, wooden-headed, thickheaded, nutty, mad, crazy, dotty, batty, dippy, cuckoo, screwy, wacky; informal barmy, daft; informal: glaikit; informal:dumb-ass, chowderheaded; informal: dotish

“her desperation led her to do something foolish”

Her desperation led her to do something foolish; my desperation leads me to blogging. (Of course, everything leads me to blogging; I’ve been writing a daily blog in the morning for almost seven years.)  (But what fool is counting?)

And if it’s foolish for me to write this blog before writing my report from the President, so be it.

Speaking of foolish, is it foolish for me to be worried about the stupid, silly, idiotic, halfwitted, witless, brainless, mindless, thoughtless, imprudent, incautious, irresponsible, injudicious, indiscreet, unwise, unintelligent, unreasonable, ill-advised, ill-considered, impolitic, rash, reckless, foolhardy, lunatic, absurd, senseless, pointless, nonsensical, inane, fatuous, ridiculous, laughable, risible, derisible, dumb, dim, dimwitted, dopey, gormless, damfool, half-baked, harebrained, crackbrained, peabrained, wooden-headed, thickheaded, nutty, mad, crazy, dotty, batty, dippy, cuckoo, screwy, wacky, barmy, daft, glaikit, dumb-ass, chowderheaded, and dotish reports from and about another President?

Worry is always foolish, because it doesn’t help anything.

Let’s be  glaikit (Scottish word meaning foolish, giddy) together and look at my other foolish fotos from yesterday!

Michael was foolish enough to make LOTS of those delicious cod cakes last night. And I was foolish enough to clean my plate.

My first week of blogging, I was foolish enough to write a post about procrastination.  After going inside that old post, I’m foolishly quoting it here:

if I AM going to wait until the last minute to do something, I wish to heaven I could block that procrastinated task totally out of my mind. But that’s not how it works for me. Usually, I’m exquisitely and uncomfortably aware of what I’m avoiding. Geesh. There’s got to be a way for procrastination to be more fun.

As I’ve gotten older, I have become more forgiving about my procrastinating tendencies. I’ve also realized that procrastination for me often has to do with insecurity. For example, I almost always wait until the last minute to do something that I think I might conceivably suck at doing — or, at least, where I might fall short of my own expectations and wishes.

One thing I’ve historically procrastinated about is …….. writing.

Maybe I procrastinate because I’m foolishly afraid of appearing foolish.

Here‘s the foolish song going through my foolish head, here and now:

Come inside and be foolish with a comment, below!

Finally, I shall finish this foolish post with a foolish foto to express my thanks to all those who helped me write today’s post and — of course! —  to YOU.  No fooling!

Day 2281: Signs of spring

I’m often looking for signs, including signs of the advent of spring (my favorite season).

The “sign” post I  just linked to in that signature opening paragraph — Day 1319: Subtle signs — has subtle signs that I wrote that blog post shortly before two major life signposts: my open heart surgery at the Mayo Clinic and the election of Donald Trump as President of the United States.

Since the 2016 election, I’ve noticed signs that I — and the United States — have somehow changed.  I see signs of that in every blog post I’ve written since then.  Of course, everything changes and everything changes us, although this saying

The more things change, the more they stay the same

is a sign that perhaps I should change my mind about that, also.

Here are some other signs on my mind:

• The tears in my eyes, as I write this, are signs of some unresolved grief about past events.
• Older people often look for the signs of dementia in themselves and others.
• When I procrastinate doing something — like writing a Letter from the President for a newsletter — that’s a sign that I need more information or need to resolve some fear about the outcome.
• We tend to look for signs, in the present, that replicate our experiences as children, sometimes ignoring richer, more diverse signs of a wider range of possibilities.
• I am making a concerted effort to be open to signs that conflict with my expectations.
• I’ve dealt with signs that I’m catastrophizing more than most people by writing a song about that (included in yesterday’s blog post, here).
• I went looking for actual signs of spring, yesterday.

Signs of spring remind me that I’ll be seeing Pat Metheny in concert this spring. Here‘s “Spring Ain’t Here” by the Pat Metheny Group.

 

I’ll be looking for signs of your reactions to this post in the comments section, below.

No matter what the season, you’ll always find signs of my gratitude — for those who help me write this daily blog and for readers like YOU — at the end of every post.

Day 314: Things NOT to fear (geography)

Things not to fear, on a Sunday morning:

1.  Lack of money will destroy my life.

Honestly, that is so unlikely, at this point in my life.

However, there have been times I’ve been fearful of this.   In fact, somebody would have provided enough — at those times —  for me to survive and go on.

I should have known that, before. I know it now.

2.  Geography.

Geography was my least favorite subject, in school.   Here’s a story about that: When I was in 6th grade, I was procrastinating studying for a test about European capitals. (Note: I still procrastinate doing things I don’t like.) I tried to learn everything in the recess period before, with a couple of classmates. When I was having trouble remembering the capital of Belgium, somebody suggested this solution, “It’s Brussels, so think of brussels sprouts.”  Later, I noticed the teacher and classmates laughing, when they saw what I had written on the test: “The capital of Belgium is Brocolli.”*

Even though I still get disoriented by unfamiliar geography, I love to travel.  I’ve been to Brussels, very briefly, and would love to return. Here’s a beautiful photo of Brussels, thanks to Google Images (and Girl’s guide to Brussels):

I could make a list of other places I want to visit, but that would take too long.

Another way geography has scared me? I have avoided geographical locations associated with past pain and suffering.  As I described earlier this year, it can help to return to those, when you’re ready. When you choose.

Last week, I chose to stop and linger, taking in a scary location from my long-ago past:

That’s not so bad, now.  Nothing to fear, really.

Okay!

Thanks to my 6th grade classmates and teacher, the country of Belgium, places familiar and new, green vegetables everywhere,  people who support others in any way,  and to you — of course! — for visiting today.

_____________________________________________

* A few more thoughts about that:

1. I thought it was funny, too.
2. I had never seen a brussels sprout, at that point in my life.
3. I still misspell “broccoli,” most of the time.
4. I have never, ever forgotten the capital of Belgium since.

Day 289: Sometimes, it just helps to know you’re not alone

Two confessions, this morning:

1. Sometimes, I confuse words for things. For example,  I’ll say “January” when I mean “July.”  I wonder if people think —  when I do that — that I am confused about what time of year it is.  THAT could be embarrassing.
2. Sometimes, I procrastinate making changes. That can feel embarrassing, too.

So it helps when I realize that I’m not alone in these imperfections. Especially when I realize that I am joined by a person — or an establishment — that I respect.

Therefore, I was pleased to see this sign, this past October weekend, in front of one of my favorite local restaurants.

Besides the headline, I want to point out some other things about that sign:

1. It’s located in the eastern United States (not in Australia or any other place south of the equator).
2. It uses one of my favorite words (“yummy”).
3. It concludes with something I’ve considered using more of, lately (an emoticon).

If you don’t like emoticons, insert your own preferred smiling image, here, to conclude.

Wait!  Before I do end today’s blog post, I’d like to present some of MY preferred smiling images (from previous posts, this year):

There’s more, but it’s time for me to end this post, people!

Thanks to Patou Thai Restaurant, people confused in any way by seasonal change, procrastinators (and anti-crastinators, if such people exist), smilers everywhere, and to you, of course, for reading today.

Day 255: If you suspect somebody is not doing good enough work for you

If you suspect somebody is not doing good enough work for you (e.g., a lawyer, a contractor, anybody you are paying), what do you do?

I confess, I find that a challenging question.

Here’s how I tend to react to that kind of situation:

1. I feel some anger. This makes sense, since anger is the human reaction to not getting needs met (especially expressed wishes).
2. Because I don’t feel that comfortable with anger, I feel confusion.
3. I ask myself many questions, such as: Am I really understanding what is going on here?  Was I actually clear about my needs and wishes? Did I contribute to the current situation?
4. I fantasize about firing the person and working with somebody else.
5. I fantasize about yelling at the person, in some way.
6. I tell myself that #4 and #5, while attractive,  are not appropriate at this point.
7. I work towards getting clarification and/or resolution.
8. If I don’t succeed, repeat 4 – 7.
9. I work on crafting an  I-Statement which includes (a) my wishes and (b) some consequence to my wishes not being met.
10. I send that message.

That’s where I am, this morning.

I’m realizing, right now, that the above is not a bad process, even though I’m not thrilled with it. Here’s how I would like to improve that process, moving forward:.

• Let go of fears that come up during the process.
• Move off of Step 8 more quickly.
• Move off of Step 9 more quickly.
• Actually, move off of every friggin’ step more quickly.

Hmmmm.  If I let go of fears that come up during the process, the rest may take care of itself.

The written part of this post feels finished to me.  How about an image?

Here’s a sample of how Google Images responds to “let go of fears”:

Okay!

Thanks to Gandhi, polar bears, penguins, courageous creatures everywhere (including bloggers, lawyers, and contractors), and you — of course! — for reading today.

Day 237: What other people say

I have a really good memory, it seems, for what other people say.

Not for everything everybody says, of course.  It’s amazing the things I’ve forgotten over the years.   But I think I still have a pretty good memory for what people say.

Certain things people say really grab my attention, including these:

1. Anything that indicates danger to somebody.
2. Things said by people I respect.
3. Comments about me, about what I’ve created, and about how I’m living in this world.

This is a partial list,  but those are on my mind, this morning.

Why?

Because I’m realizing, again, that some things people have said, over the years, have gotten “stuck” in my memory. They loom too large. And they’re not helpful.

I’m not blaming the people who said those things, right now.

In some cases, these people may not have even said what I heard.

It doesn’t matter, though, does it? Those things have stuck.

And I’d like to let go of those things, or at least reduce their power.

I have an idea!  How about if I write a few of these things down, and put them in a “magic” wastepaper basket?

Here’s one:

That’s not helping me these days.  So let’s crumple that one up:

.

Here’s another one, that hasn’t been helping:

Let’s crumple that one, too,  to reduce its power.

.

That felt good, I must say.

Next, let’s throw these two things away.  That means I need to choose a wastepaper basket.  Decisions, decisions.

I know!  This one:

Perfect!  Now, let’s throw those things away:

.

They’re in the magic wasterpaper basket!  Hooray!

Before I end this post for today, I would like to share something else I heard somebody say.  Opposed to the two things I just threw away, this is something

1. I heard recently and
2. I would like to stick in my memory more (not less).

I heard this yesterday, when I listened to this TED talk by lexicographer Erin McKean:

TED talk by Erin McKean

Here’s what she said that I especially want to remember now*:

“When parts of your job are not easy or fun, you kind of look for an excuse not to do them.”  (At 1:54 in the talk.)

That’s much better, rather than labeling myself …

A Procrastinator.

Lazy.

Or, this:

Hey!  It’s another job for the magic wastepaper basket!

Thanks to Erin McKean,  all the people in my life who’ve taken the time to tell me something they thought would be helpful, cool wastepaper baskets everywhere, and to you, too, for reading today.

___________________________________

*Erin McKean refers to something else, in this talk, which I found incredibly valuable when somebody told me about it many years ago.  At 5:00, she describes what she calls “The Ham Butt Problem”, which also relates to letting go of old, unhelpful ways of thinking!

Day 203: Will

The topic for today is the word “will.”

I had many choices from the Google Buffet of Definitions, this morning. I chose the following, from the Merriam Webster site:

will   noun     \ˈwil\

1. : desire, wish: as

a : disposition, inclination <where there’s a will there’s a way>

b : appetite, passion

c : choice, determination

2

a : something desired; especially : a choice or determination of one having authority or power

b (1) archaic : request, command (2) [from the phrase our will is which introduces it] : the part of a summons expressing a royal command

3 : the act, process, or experience of willing : volition
4

a : mental powers manifested as wishing, choosing, desiring, or intending

b : a disposition to act according to principles or ends

c : the collective desire of a group <the will of the people>

5 : the power of control over one’s own actions or emotions <a man of iron will>

6: a legal declaration of a person’s wishes regarding the disposal of his or her property or estate after death; especially : a written instrument legally executed by which a person makes disposition of his or her estate to take effect after death

— at will
: as one wishes : as or when it pleases or suits oneself

A few random thoughts, about all that (accompanied by my friend, Google Images):

In a previous (personal favorite) post here,  I wrote about To Do Lists.

Something that’s been on my To Do List, for a very long time?

That kind of will.

Also, on my To Do List, for a shorter time, a different kind of will:

A Living Will (which is not included in the Merriam Webster definitions) is defined as

A document in which the signer states his or her wishes regarding medical treatment, especially treatment that sustains or prolongs life by extraordinary means, for use if the signer becomes mentally incompetent or unable to communicate.

Hmmmm. I wonder why I’ve been avoiding completing both of those kinds of wills — The Last Will and Testament and The Living Will.

I repeat, hmmmmm.

Should I label myself “A Procrastinator?”  Would that help?

Nah.

Should I ask you, readers, if you might resist taking care of those kinds of wills?  Should I ask if you’ve encountered other people, in your life,  who have resisted taking care of those sorts of things, and the effect that has had on you?

Sure! I love asking questions like that.  Feel free to answer.

But ultimately, what would give me the will to just get those things done?

I can tell you three things that will help me take an achievable step, on Day 202, of This Year of Living Non-Judgmentally:

1. Having just attended a 43rd year high school reunion.
2. Identifying that achievable next step (calling a lawyer, whom I’ve identified, also).
3. Remembering a “cliche” that my mother used to say a lot:

Where there’s a will there’s a way

(quoted in definition #1a, above).

That concludes today’s blog post, everybody.  Thanks for having the will to read, wherever you are.

Day 190: What I’m avoiding

I may want to avoid writing this post.

But I’m going to “just do it.”

Here are some random thoughts about avoidance, to get me started:

If I’m avoiding something,  there is some fear involved.

It might be fear about an outcome.

It might be fear about hurting somebody else.

Or fear about being hurt, myself.

I might be sullen or angry about something — “I don’t want to do this!”

Sometimes I don’t even know what I’m avoiding.

Avoidance feels a certain way, though.

It feels like this:

My mouth is flat, or turned down.

My brow is furrowed.

My eyes don’t focus.

My thoughts flit around, unwilling to light on anything, like a butterfly trapped in a room filled with lobster sauce.*

(That was, I believe, the first occurrence in this blog of A Deliberate Simile. The first simile after a full six months! And the simile itself was not random; it was well-researched. See here.)

What else do I feel when I’m avoiding?

I feel a pit in my belly.

I think it’s fear, all right.

So I guess I need to ask myself the question, What Am I Afraid Of?

Hmmmmm.

That question isn’t working so well, this morning. (Although sometimes a question like that is really helpful: see here.)

Here’s how I know that’s not the best question, right now. The answer to “What am I afraid of?” is a general one:

Lots of things.

So I’ll try a different question.

What am I avoiding?

Aha!  Better question.

I’m avoiding saying goodbye to a co-worker.

I’m avoiding talking to my son about how scared I am, regarding his recent and sudden illness. (He’s okay, by the way.)

Bingo!

Sometimes I think I should re-name this blog “The Year of Naming Things, So I Can Then Figure Out What To Do.”

I’m not sure, at this point, what I’m going to do about either of these things.

But I’ll quote something I heard yesterday, at work:

It helps to know I have options and choices.  It’s funny how I often forget that.

And, for me, the first step of figuring out my options is this:

To figure out where I am.

Thanks for joining me today, as I figure things out.

______________________________________

* No good pictures of this (“butterfly lobster sauce”) on Google Images.  Oh, well.

Day 172: Direct communication

What are the words that are difficult to say to somebody else?

Often, it’s when we fear that the other person will have a negative reaction, like disappointment.

Here’s why this issue is on my mind this morning:  Somebody at work had made a difficult decision she needed to tell me about. She was afraid I would be disappointed by what she had to say, so she put off telling me, waiting for the “right time.”

The right time hadn’t come yet.

I asked her about it last night, and found out that way.

That is my least favorite way of finding out something difficult.

So when she answered my question with the disappointing news, I felt stunned. The wind got knocked out of me.  I was direct about THAT, by the way. And she and I talked things through. And it’s all okay.

I’ve been on both sides of this situation: being disappointed and disappointing somebody else. (As you have, too, I assume.)

And, I totally relate to the wish to not disappoint somebody. I’ve also experienced reluctance and procrastination about telling somebody something difficult.

However, I am going to make a strong pitch, right now, for direct communication, the sooner the better.

If we have something difficult to tell somebody, if we fear disappointment as a reaction, let’s try this:

1. Recognize and let go of beliefs that this will damage or destroy the relationship.
2. Remember that other people are not as fragile as you fear.
3. Tell yourself you’ve made a difficult decision, and you’ve done the best you can.
4. Realize that, whatever happens, you’ll learn something.
5. Take a deep breath.
6. Say it.

Let’s see if I can practice this — role model it — right now.

(Internal process of preparation.)

(Deep breath.)

I have nothing more to say this morning.