Posts Tagged With: obstacles to direct communication

Day 604: Direct communication

This morning, I would like to present some random thoughts I’m having about direct communication.

I need to warn you, before I begin, that there ARE obstacles to direct communication, here and elsewhere, including

  • the wish to avoid hurting somebody’s feelings,
  • confidentiality issues,
  • uncertainty about what is appropriate to reveal in different circumstances with different people,
  • realizing that people can be uncomfortable with direct communication, at times,
  • the fact that direct communication is not easy and takes practice, and
  • confusion about what direct communication actually IS, especially if it wasn’t practiced much by the people around you, when you were growing up.

I want to be direct, now, and share with you, if possible, a simple definition of direct communication.

Okay, I’m having trouble coming up with this, right now.

Maybe an example would help.

Nope, I’m having trouble with that, too. All my current examples have to do with issues at work and in my personal life, and I don’t feel comfortable revealing any of them, in the blogosphere, right now.

I want to talk directly to the people involved, before sharing details with you.

It might be helpful — and it might give this post some more direct value —  if I check my past blog posts, to see if I’ve written about this before.

Aha!  I have! Approximately 225 days ago (but who’s counting?), I published Day 375: Direct Communication.

I’m skimming that post now (with one eye on the time) and wondering this: “How direct was I being in THAT post?”

OMG!  I just realized — as I was linking to THAT post — that we have an unprecedented three-fer or three-peat, ladies and gentlemen, here in the Land of Living Non-Judgmentally. To be more direct, I  wrote ANOTHER post with the same title, over a hundred days before that one:  Day 172: Direct communication.

I just skimmed that earliest of my Direct Communication posts  and I directly want to say this:  I recommend that you read that one. It’s short, to the point, and helpful, in my opinion.

But of course, I wrote all of them, so how credible is my opinion, in this case?

What else would I like to directly communicate to you, right now?

Just this: I’ve learned something, this morning. Direct Communication is an ongoing issue for me. That is, I  still have much to learn about this, before I am done.

How do I know?  Well, to communicate as directly as I can:

I keep writing about it here, don’t I?

I’m not sure what I’ll be able to directly communicate, now, with recent photos from my iPhone, but here goes:

IMG_8365 IMG_8366

Love,

Ann

Categories: inspiration, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , | 30 Comments

Day 375: Direct Communication

I am having lots of thoughts, right now, about the topic of “Direct Communication.”  The challenge (as usual) is translating those thoughts into a blog post that’s coherent and enjoyable (enough), today.

Allow me to start out with a short trip down memory lane — that is, a return to yesterday’s blog post, called “We’re doing the best we can.”

In that post, there was (at least) one thing I communicated indirectly.  Because direct communication is very important to me,  I will be more direct about this, right now:

I wanted you to notice my cool umbrella, in yesterday’s post.

Here’s a photo of this umbrella, which I have been enjoying for many years:

Image*

I have been considering featuring that umbrella in a blog post for many months, because it always cheers me up.

Yesterday, I was hoping that somebody would notice that umbrella (which appeared in two, very similar photos). However, nobody commented on it.

Here’s  one of the photos from yesterday, which included the umbrella.

Image

I don’t want to indulge in the human cognitive distortion of mind-reading, but hey!  Why should I be any different from anybody else?  Here are my guesses as to why nobody noticed that umbrella in yesterday’s photos:

  1. The umbrella is being upstaged by Fenway Park.
  2. Those aren’t great photos of the umbrella. Maybe the umbrella isn’t even recognizable there, but hey! YOU TRY taking a good picture when it’s freezing, the light sucks, you don’t want to be late for work, and you’re trying to capture a favorite ballpark and umbrella, while balancing an iPhone, your mittens, AND that friggin’ umbrella! **

Ahem.

Please forgive the somewhat hostile tone of #2, above, which is most likely due to the cognitive distortion of Mind Reading (see here for the complete list of those common judgmental ways of thinking) and perhaps other things, too.**

What was the topic of today’s blog post, again?   Oh, yes, direct communication.

At this point, I wanted to look at what’s been getting in the way of my direct communication about my umbrella:

  • Sometimes, being coy can be fun.
  • Saying, “Look how great this is!” can feel uncomfortable, especially if it’s about something of yours.

Also, when I’ve considered being more direct about that umbrella, before — that is, featuring it more prominently in its own blog post —  these things have gotten in the way of that:

  • Hassles, discomfort, and absent-mindedness (I write my blog posts in the morning and my umbrella lives in my car).
  • Superstition (it’s bad luck to open an umbrella inside).

What else did I want to tell you about direct communication, this morning?

Just this: I’ve been thinking about something my son told me, after he had his teeth cleaned for this first time by my new dental hygienist.  (I wrote about my first visit to her, here.)

My son told me some very positive, flattering things she said to him, about me.

Now, this dental hygienist, named Michel,  is a very direct person, I think. That’s one of the things I really like about her. However, I was surprised by what she said to my son, about me. As a matter of fact, some things were SO positive,  that I’ve been holding on to them, as gifts, to help me feel more confident and secure, and to help me replace old, negative (and very common) types of self-judgmental thinking.***

So I wonder why she told my son these positive things, instead of telling me?

I will tell you this: Despite Michel’s directness (which I’ve observed in other ways), she did a similar thing about praise, regarding my son. That is, the next time I saw her, she raved about how wonderful HE was.  But she didn’t tell him.

I think there are lots of reasons why people don’t communicate directly, including their positive thoughts about other people.

I might wish other people would be more direct, more often, because I think that helps.

However, I believe that everybody — including Michel — is doing the best that they can.****

And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is something else I wanted to communicate directly, in yesterday’s blog post.

Thanks to all who are doing their best at communicating directly AND to my wonderful readers, whom I probably don’t praise enough (which would include you, y’know).

_________________

* I found this photo through Google Images, which informs me you can find this umbrella many places, these days, like here.

** Regular readers of this blog might have considered another Usual Suspect: hunger.

*** Hey!  I’ve now linked to the same page three times in the same blog post!  A new personal record!

**** Which does NOT mean that people can’t improve, grow, mature, evolve, and get better in many ways.

Categories: humor, inspiration, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , | 28 Comments

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