Before I got my current job as a psychotherapist at a major teaching hospital in Boston, I worked for 12 years at a group-oriented psychiatric day program — first as a clinician and then as the director.
Look at me! I’ve been a group therapist for over 16 years!
The staff at the psychiatric day program often noticed something we called
See me/Don’t see me
Here are other ways I’d describe that very common, human way of behaving, right now:
- Fear of being exposed
- Yearning for attention/fear of attention
- Accepting parts of self/rejecting others
- Trying new and unfamiliar things/the shame reaction
- I deserve attention/I am not worthy of it
See me/Don’t see me, in this post! I already have mixed feelings about how I’m writing it.
Look at me! I’m digressing from the big news of this July 4, 2105 blog post. Yesterday, I had the day off from work and I went to see the musical Newsies in Boston.
Look at me! I’m in Harvard Square, on my way to Newsies.
Look at me! I took a picture of Peet’s in Harvard Square, where my bf Michael and I first looked at each other five years ago (after writing each other daily for two months online at OkCupid).
Look at me, back on my way to see Newsies!
Look at John! He’s one of the security guys at the Boston Opera House. He used to work as a parole officer and he told me, “My wife tells me to smile in pictures, but I say, ‘That hurts!'”
Look at me, at yesterday’s matinee performance of Newsies!
Look at me showing you how the lead role of Jack Kelly (played by Christian Bale in the 1992 film) was performed by an understudy, Michael Ryan.
Look at me! I don’t have any pictures of Michael Ryan and how AMAZING he was, including his grateful tears when we all gave him a standing ovation at the end of the show.
Look at these photos I took on my way back home, after seeing Newsies:
Look at me! I just spent an hour looking for this video made 8 years ago by three girls in the United Kingdom, performing “King of New York,” my favorite song from Newsies:
If you look at that video on YouTube, you’ll see that I wrote a comment four years ago, and they answered me!
Look at me! I forgot to mention that “King of New York” includes the line
Look at me! I’m the King of New York.
Look at all these people performing “King of New York”!
Look at you! What do you think of this post today? Look at me — as usual, I’m looking for comments.
Thanks to everybody I’ve ever worked with in group therapy, to Newsies, to Michael, to OkCupid, to security guy John, to understudy/star Michael Ryan, to Harvard Square, to Boston, to all those who have ever sung or danced to “King of New York,” to all the kings, queens, princes, and princesses I saw in Cambridge and Boston yesterday, and special thanks to you — of course! — for looking here, today.