Posts Tagged With: needs

Day 44: The Daily Blog

It’s 7 PM on Day 44 of the Year of Blogging Daily, and I have no idea what my topic is going to be. And I’m hungry. I want to have dinner soon, but I want to write this post before dinner.  My big plans for after dinner? Watching some TV shows I DVR-ed while I was on my trip, which I’m REALLY looking forward to.

So I’d like to write a blog post, now.  But about what?

I’ve had  ideas for topics, popping up throughout the day, including:

  1. Writing thank-you notes.
  2. How to give yourself a great 60th birthday party.
  3. Tips on traveling by yourself
  4. Decisions, decisions
  5. The 30-minute Blog
  6. Irritating things

That last topic is an indication that I’m hungry.

I’m very much in touch — right now — with the reality that writing a daily blog does present this danger: that posting might turn into something that I SHOULD be doing.  (If you want to read a previous post about SHOULDs, it’s right here.)

Writing a daily post might turn into a source of stress,  another obligation.  And an INESCAPABLE one. Oh, no!  I just finished a post less than 24 hours ago,  and NOW I HAVE TO DO ANOTHER ONE!  Eeeeeeek!

If there’s something you need to do every day, I guess freaking out like that is always a possibility. But I think there ARE ways to let go of that stress.

For example, you can always — in the moment — get a sense of what might help you complete your task, balancing different priorities.

Sometimes, it really helps to name what those priorities are.

In this case, my priorities are:

  1. Eat dinner.

That’s it.

Okay, that completes today’s post. Thanks for reading!

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Day 35: The Next Right Thing

For today, I would like to continue the illustrious tradition (that I established yesterday), of discussing the meaning of a term or phrase. Yesterday’s term was “Object Constancy.” Today’s phrase is “The Next Right Thing.”

Yesterday, I Googled “Object Constancy” before I shared my assumptions about it. Today, I would like to start this way:

I want to ask you, dear reader, what your assumptions are about the meaning of the phrase “The Next Right Thing.”  Maybe you’ve heard it before; maybe you haven’t.  In any case, what do you think it means?

(silence, so you can think about that)

(Actually, if this were a game show like “Jeopardy”, thinking music would be playing now.

Da da da da,

Dee dee dee.

Da da da da,

DEET, da-da-da-da-da,

Da da da da,

Dee dee dee,

DAH! da da da,

Deeee, deeeee,  deeeeeeeh.)

Okay, now that you’ve had some time to think about what “The Next Right Thing” means to you (assuming that the “Jeopardy” theme song hasn’t obliterated all other thoughts from your mind) (if so, my deepest apologies) …. I will now Google that phrase.

Hmmmm. Actually, I’m not seeing any “easy” definition of the phrase. (In other words, there’s no Wikipedia entry for it.)  Here are two links I clicked on, and found helpful: here and here.)

Okay!  It’s time for me to tell you my own personal experience with the phrase  “The Next Right Thing.”

I know that “The Next Right Thing” is a phrase, or slogan, associated with 12-step programs. I have witnessed many people use that phrase as a guidepost. I’ve seen them use it as Something That Helps — in their personal path of recovery, in moving forward, in letting go of judgment, in so many different ways. I have felt grateful and privileged to witness all that.

And I decided to use it this morning for myself.  And that phrase came to me because I was feeling somewhat overwhelmed today.  Here are some reasons I’m feeling overwhelmed:

I planned a party for several weeks; now that’s over.

I’m going off on an adventure tomorrow, flying in a plane by myself to somewhere I’ve never been before.

And I haven’t started packing!

I have a friend staying over, and what I’d really like to do is just hang out with her, but I’ve got all these things I should be doing.

And  I’m not feeling great, physically.  Nothing serious, just some muscle aches and the same damn cold lingering on, but the physical stuff does have an effect.

(By the way, I’ll probably write a future blog post about how helpful it can be just to List What’s Stressful, Right Now.)

(Notice that this post is long, with lots of digressions?  Among the reasons for THAT: (1) I’m on vacation so I’ve got more time on my hands and (2) I’m overwhelmed!)

Anyway …  so where was I, before the parentheses?

Heaven knows. But let’s go back to my topic: “The Next Right Thing.”

I know that it will help me today, to identify the next right thing to do.  But here are some thoughts I’m having about THAT:

What the hell is the next right thing? How can I figure THAT out? I’m so overwhelmed!

Well, here’s the deal. There are SEVERAL Next Right Things I could choose right now. I could start packing.  I could tell my friend I need a couple of hours today for myself.  I could get a massage to relieve the muscle aches!

And, actually, I already did do one Next Right Thing for myself this morning.

I wrote this blog post.

Thanks for reading.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Day 22: Junket, oui. Judgment, non.

I’m staying out of work today. And I’m glad to report that I’m doing pretty well letting go of any self-judgment about that decision. Which is great, because it’s unpleasant enough to feel bad, without feeling bad about feeling bad.

Wouldn’t you agree?

So I’m letting go of judgmental thoughts.  And I’m having Junket thoughts, instead.

In the likely case that you’ve never heard of Junket, dear reader, it’s  a pudding that my mother used to make whenever I was sick. I assumed that it was long-gone, but Google tells me that it’s still out there.


Wow.  It’s nice to see the old package again.

Who knows how Junket would taste to me today, but I sure did like it then.  (I also liked Franco-American canned spaghetti back then, so that  tells you a lot.)

It’s true that my mother wasn’t exactly a gourmet cook,  but I liked what she cooked for us.  There was a consistency and comfort associated with her revolving repertoire of main dishes. The dozen entrees she made included things I still sometimes yearn for.

Especially the casseroles.  Tuna Noodle Casserole. American Chopped Suey.  Yes, it’s true. I may love going to foodie-type restaurants whenever I can, but I still want tacky casseroles like that for comfort food.

Here’s another confession. When I started getting sick a few days ago, one of the remedies I took was … Tuna Noodle Casserole.

It occurs to me that some people reading this might have some oh-so-understandable reactions to a pudding named Junket and casseroles consisting of tuna.  Yes, I’m experiencing the cognitive distortion of Mind Reading now, imagining that for many of you, one-syllable sounds of judgment — such as  Yuck!  — are forming in your brains.

By the way, sometimes when we guess what other people are thinking, we’re right.

Nevertheless, I am now embracing, with pride, my love of the food my mother served me.

Especially when i was sick.

Vive La Junket!

And with that thrilling declaration, I am now going to open up a can of chicken soup.

Thanks for reading (no matter what your personal food preferences).

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Day 18: If there’s something you need or want, just ask for it.

Note:  This here is another blog-ified version of a chapter I’ve been working on for a book.   My friend Jeanette really likes this, so this is dedicated to her.

Yes, indeed.  If there’s something you need or want, just ask for it.

If  you’re skeptical about this, I understand.  If I hadn’t encountered this lesson countless times so far in my life, I couldn’t be writing about it now. And believe me, unless I read this post over and over again, I’m pretty sure I’ll doubt it again in the future.

There are lots of reasons why it’s difficult to ask for what you want.  Here are two really common ones:

(1) You fear that that you won’t get what you ask for, and you’ll feel  much worse than if you hadn’t asked at all.

(2) You  believe that people will judge you and maybe even reject you for burdening them, or for being selfish or unreasonable.

Let’s look at these, one at a time.

(1) If you ask for what you want, sure, there’s no guarantee you’ll get it.  But here’s the good news: you WILL be able to deal with feeling lousy about it.  Don’t believe me? Think of all the times you’ve survived being disappointed before. And while sometimes we might feel that we’re filled up with disappointment, and one more “no” would damage or even kill us, it won’t.  And the more you’ll ask, the more you’ll get.

It’s the fear of the Power of that NO,  I think, that keeps us from asking.  Once we overcome that fear, and ask more, the odds will be good. You’ll actually get what you want,  some of the time (If not most of the time.) That huge payoff will make the few “no’s” totally worth it.  It’s a great business proposition. You’ll get fine return on your investments (ROI),  and ROI governs how most people take business risks.

(2) And as far as being judged by people,  remember this:  no matter who the person is that you’re asking, they’ve dealt with lots of people asking — a lot less reasonably — for a LOT more than what you’re asking for.  No matter how outrageous you think your request is, lots of people have outdone you.  I guarantee it. Think of the shameless requests you’ve witnessed in your life, for heaven’s sake. Your request will most likelly be somewhere in the middle of the reasonable-to-shameless request scale. Again, we’re talking excellent ROI here. More often than not,  you’re not going to be judged or going to be rejected even close to the way you fear.

There are ways to ask for what you want that can improve your ROI even more, including being clear and direct.  But I think the most important factor is believing that you deserve to get what you’re asking for — that you’re worthy of getting your needs met.

And you are, dear reader.

© 2013 Ann Koplow

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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