Posts Tagged With: narcissism

Day 1642: Self Centered

Welcome to another self centered post here at the Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally.

SELF

Notice how self centered this post is already?

Yesterday, I told  people in therapy sessions not to judge themselves for being self centered.  How could we not be self centered? If we don’t put ourselves in the center of our own lives, who will?

I, myself, constantly witness people judging themselves very harshly for being self centered, labeling themselves too selfish, too self-absorbed and even narcissistic.  This is what I tell those selves:

“If you worry about being a narcissist, you’re not.”

I know my self well enough to know I’m not  a narcissist, even though I’ve stopped worrying about that.

Here are some self centered photos from yesterday:

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Michael himself centered that delicious food on a plate for me last night after my self-centered therapy group.

Here’s some Self Centered Blues:

 

This self is looking forward to some self centered comments, below.

Thanks to all the selves who helped my self create another self centered post and to you — of course! — for being your self.

 

Categories: group therapy, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 27 Comments

Day 675: Eyes

Eye — I mean I — am shocked that there are no posts I’ve written, since I first eyed writing a daily blog, with the word “Eye” in the title.

I shall now eye how many posts I’ve written with the word “I” in the title.  Would U like to guess how many posts THAT might be?

I love guessing games, as you may have noticed, if you’ve eyed many of my 675 posts.

I just changed my mind, which I’ve heard is a “women’s prerogative.” I think everybody should have the choice to change her or his mind, don’t you?

How have I changed my mind?  Rather than have you guess how many times I’ve used the word “I” in a blog post title, here they all R (in reverse chronological order):

  1. Day 613: I don’t know what I look like
  2. Day 603: What I missed
  3. Day 591: And When I Die
  4. Day 578: I don’t care
  5. Day 574: I don’t know why
  6. Day 573: Why?  Because I thought it was _____.
  7. Day 568: How am I supposed to feel?
  8. Day 540: I Spy
  9. Day 449: Variations on “I Don’t Want to Go”
  10. Day 430: What I learned at the group therapy conference
  11. Day 424: Things I learned from groups this week
  12. Day 407: Two Images (before I leave for Panama)
  13. Day 399: What I wanted for my birthday
  14. Day 382: Why I was judgmental about yesterday’s blog post
  15. Day 373: Guilt (and a metaphor I made up!)
  16. Day 352: Snow (It’s safer than I feared)
  17. Day 330: What I am doing differently
  18. Day 303: What I know/What I don’t know
  19. Day 299: Why haven’t I published anything (outside of here)?
  20. Day 225: Reasons why I should move to Edinburgh, Scotland
  21. Day 224: Reasons why I shouldn’t spend too much time in our hotel room blogging this morning
  22. Day 223:  Reasons why I should move to London, Part 3
  23. Day 221: Reasons why I should move to London, Part 2
  24. Day 220: Reasons why I should move to London, Part 1
  25. Day 199: I dared to tweet some tweets
  26. Day 171: I Look
  27. Day 153: Do I Dare to Tweet a Tweet?
  28. Day 148: Dreams I Have Known
  29. Day 141: I am singing differently this year
  30. Day 132: What I learned on my spring vacation.
  31. Day 131: How I spent my spring vacation
  32. Day 128: I get by with a little help from my friends
  33. Day 124: Why I love the show “Dinner for Five”
  34. Day 121: Why I relate to the Boston Carjacking “victim”
  35. Day 119: I woke up differently, this morning
  36. Day 116: I just rewrote yesterday’s blog
  37. Day 114: Questions in my brain, as I woke up this morning
  38. Day 113: I am solving problems in my my sleep!
  39. Day 110: Arrrghh! I might still be in this guy’s movie!
  40. Day 107: Has the external world changed? I haven’t.
  41. Day 104: Things I know about groups
  42. Day 100: I confess
  43. Day 90: How I got back to sleep last night (featuring selling and sound effects)
  44. Day 55: There is NOTHING I have to do today (AND antidotes)
  45. Day 38:  Reasons why I should move to Charleston, SC
  46. Day 27: This blog is good enough AND I can make it better.
  47. Day 17: I think I wake up most mornings feeling uneasy
  48. Day 10: I’ve learned to leave the house before I feel ready
  49. Day 5: What I SHOULD (and SHOULDN’T) be doing

Wow.

Am I the only one who thinks it would have been cooler if there were EXACTLY 50 posts there? Maybe WordPress’s search function missed something. I don’t have time to check that now, though.

What else do I want to say about that list, right now?

  • That’s a big list.
  • When I think about it, though, only a small-ish percentage (49 divided by 675 = 7.26%)  of the number of posts I’ve written have had the word “I” in the title.
  • Maybe that’s proof that I am not a narcissist, after all.

I also notice that:

  • I wrote more posts using the word “I” in the title during the first part of my blogging journey.
  • I wrote several posts, in a row, with the word “I” in the title, during the Boston Marathon bombing and its aftermath.

Does that mean I use the word “I” more when I’m new and/or anxious? I’ll let future generations  — who may study my every word — decide that.

I wish.

Anyway, Y did I choose the word “Eye” for today’s title?

Was it just an excuse to post one of my favorite songs, from many years ago?

(Loggins and Messina performing “Angry Eyes” found here on YouTube)

Was it just an excuse to introduce you to Elizabeth, my I.V. nurse  — whom I eyed (that is, met) for the first time yesterday? (For reasons why I need an I.V. before I go to the dentist, I suggest you eye this post.)

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In that second photo, how do Elizabeth’s eyes (and the rest of her facial expression) look, to you? What do you think she was saying?

Elizabeth (who, like me, lives in all-male household) is demonstrating, in that photo, the look guys get on their face when they say things like:

  • I can’t find the milk.
  • Do you know where I put my belt?

I guess Elizabeth and I are both sexist.

What else did I eye yesterday?

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That’s my dentist, Dr. Del Castillo. He’s told me that he reads this blog every day, so

Hi, Dr. Del Castillo!

As you can C, Dr. Del Castillo is growing a beard, and his wonderful dental hygienist, Michel (not pictured) is taking a poll of the patients in his practice, even as I am writing this post, to see what they think.

I’m sorry, but i don’t have the results of that poll, right now.

I did ask Dr. Del Castillo’s beautiful wife, Dr. Gonzalez Del Castillo (also not pictured) — who co-owns the practice and is a periodontist (not an oral surgeon, as I originally wrote) — what she thought of her husband’s beard.

You should have seen the look in her eyes, about that.

I didn’t capture THAT displeased expression, but I did take these other pictures yesterday:

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When Elizabeth — my I.V. nurse — and I were talking about guys losing track of things, I showed her that last photo, which I had taken earlier in the morning on my walk to work, as proof of  …

What?  I don’t even want to think about it, right now. I mean,  that’s just _____! (Feel free to fill in any word you like, in the comments or elsewhere.)

Before I end this post, I’d like to add a few more things I spied, with my little eye, yesterday.

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I predicted, last night in Whole Foods Market, that my bf Michael and I would eye those EXACT cupcakes.

Thanks to Elizabeth, to everybody at Dr. Del Castillo’s dental practice, to U (for reading), to I (or more grammatically, me) (for writing), to Loggins & Messina, and to everybody else who helped me write this post, today.

Categories: blogging, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , | 26 Comments

Day 12: Confessions of An Obsessed Blogger

On the 12th Day of Blogging, my true voice said to me:

I’m kind of obsessed with this  blog.

I’m thinking about it a lot. Not just what topics to write about. I’m thinking about How I’m Doing.

In other words, I’m thinking in terms of Success/Failure.

In my work, I like to invite people to consider the possibility that “Success” and “Failure” are constructs  —  ultimately meaningless and unhelpful.  I ask questions like, “What if failure did not exist as a concept?”  I love asking that question.

But here’s me — The Zen-like Questioner of Failure — on the 12th day of blogging, and Success/Failure thoughts are creeping in.

Creeping?  Hah!   They’re up-right, running around, and screaming.

I’m not thrilled about those thoughts, but what’s REALLY bothering me is how I’m behaving.

That is, I’m checking on how I’m doing, throughout the day and night.  I do a circuit — a roundelay among WordPress statistics, Facebook, and  e-mail — to see if anybody else has liked, commented, followed, or responded in some way.

Click: WordPress.

Click: E-mail.

Click: Facebook.

Repeat, as needed.  And I seem to need it,  a LOT.

I don’t like that. And I’m labeling it.   Narcissistic. Self-absorbed.  Solipsistic (my favorite way to say the same thing).

Hey, I know it’s human to want to be important — to dream that once you put your precious thoughts out there, that the world will care — and be riveted.

However, that’s a part of my humanity that I have to work — really hard — to accept.

I’m working on it.

Like right now, dear reader.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

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