Day 3477: Decisions, Decisions

I’m pretty sure I’ve written other blog posts about decisions, decisions because making decisions can be difficult for me.

Some people have decided that decisions, decisions can be especially challenging for people who are Perceivers (rather than the Judgers) on a Myers-Briggs scale.

One of my decisions about decisions is that there often isn’t one right or wrong decision. All-or-nothing thinking puts too much pressure on decisions, decisions.

At the same time, a series of bad, thoughtless decisions, decisions can have global consequences, like climate change.

Do you see decisions, decisions in my images for today?

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The National Day Calendar people are offering only two decisions, decisions today.

I’m making a decision, decision to share this result from searching YouTube for “decisions, decisions.”

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So many decisions, decisions to make as I create this daily blog, but I always decide to end each post with gratitude for YOU!

Day 3309: How to express empathy

How do you express empathy? With spoken words? Written words? Facial expressions? Hugs? Other non-verbal communication?

Where do you express empathy? In person? On the phone? In ZOOM gatherings? On social media?

To whom do you express empathy? To family members? Friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?

Sometimes I’m not sure how to express empathy, but I know I feel it every day.

Do you see how to express empathy in any of my images for today?

If you comment, I will do my best to express empathy in my response.

Thanks for all who feel and express empathy, including YOU.

Day 2525*: Perfect for each other

Yesterday, I found an online article about Myers-Briggs types that explained why my fiancé Michael and I are perfect for each other.

I wonder if a levitating unicorn made of rainbows could do our taxes after Michael (“The Counselor”) and I (“The Champion”) get married.

Or maybe I’ll be doing our taxes.

Here are  other ways Michael and I are perfect for each other:

• He’s very funny and I love to laugh.
• He likes to talk and I like to listen.
• I like to quote people and he is very quotable.
• He cooks great food and I love to eat.
• I like to drive and he likes to be driven.
• We share similar political views, so there’s no fighting there.
• He likes coffee and I like tea.
• I like to be loved and he loves me.
• He likes to be loved and I love him.

Yesterday, Michael and I went to City Hall to apply for a marriage license, but it was closed. That wasn’t perfect, but I think we’ll still be able to get married before the end of the year. (When people have been asking me to name the date of our nuptials, I always answer  “2019.”  I think that’s a perfect response.)

We then went to a perfect little place near City Hall with lots of books, where he had coffee and I had tea.

Photos and my blog are perfect for each other.

Harley and that sofa are perfect for each other.

Here‘s “Perfect Together” by Rosanna Pansino.

Thanks to all who help me create this daily blog because we’re perfect for each other!

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*Michael and I are perfect for each other even though he loves the song “In the Year 2525” and I can’t stand it.

Day 2296: You Call The Shots

Every day, in this blog, I call the shots.  That is, I decide

• what shots to take with my iPhone,
• what order to share them in,
• what words to write,
• what audio/video piece (usually involving music) fits the topic, and
• how to express my gratitude.

People with my Myers Briggs type (ENFP) like calling the shots and being independent. However, we don’t like calling the shots for other people or other people calling the shots for us.  Therefore, I don’t like when people tell me what to do and I don’t like telling other people what to do.  Rather, I prefer suggestion, invitation, and possibility — leaving room for me and others to decide what’s best.

Here and now, I suggest that you call the shots you like best in my photos from yesterday.

 

Sometimes I take shots of and take shots at things I just don’t understand.

Girls Aloud “Call the Shots” here:

 

Tonight I’ll be a girl aloud calling the shots at a new Open Mic, singing two of my original songs.

Now I invite you to call the shots in the comment section, below.

As usual, I’m calling the shots on how to express my gratitude to all who helped me create today’s blog post and — of course! — to YOU.

Day 2264: Up for anything

Now that I’m up for the day, I can tell you that lately I’ve been up for anything, including

• doing my taxes,
• getting tasks off my plate more quickly,
• writing lyrics and music,
• figuring out harmonies for “Nobody’s Perfect”, which I co-wrote and will be co-singing with Social Work intern Nat Shirley,
• performing music in front of people,
• doing presentations at work,
• facilitating five therapy groups a week,
• serving as President of a group therapy professional organization,
• reaching out to new people,
• blogging daily,
• saying “yes” to things I want to say “yes” to,
• saying “no” to things I want to say “no” to,
• quieting my harsh inner critic,
• taking classes,
• binge watching RuPaul’s Drag Race,
• dancing,
• accepting and giving compliments,
• asking for what I want, and
• Michael’s home-cooked meals,

I’m up for sharing the lyrics of “Nobody’s Perfect” if you’re up for reading them.

Nobody’s Perfect

Nobody’s perfect, even us two.

We try to be perfect,

But that doesn’t do.

We both make mistakes.

In that, we’re like you.

Nobody’s perfect.

Nothing is more true.

Nobody’s perfect, even your friends.

If you’re expecting perfection

Those friendships may end.

Friends make mistakes.

In that they’re like you.

Nobody’s perfect.

Nothing is more true.

Perfectionism makes us imperfectly judgy,

Rigid, unhappy, refusing to budge-y,

It makes your thoughts and feelings uncomfortably sludgy,

With mean self-flagellation even if you’re slightly pudgy.

(if an instrumentalist joins us)

Nobody’s perfect.

Even us three.

Letting go of perfection

Helps us to be free.

Ann: She and he aren’t perfect,

In that, they’re like me.

Together: Nobody’s perfect,

You, them, or we.

Perfectionism makes us imperfectly judgy,

Rigid, unhappy, refusing to budge-y,

Expectations turn unrealistic and sludgy,

It’s a crime and a sin even if you’re just pudgy.

Nobody’s perfect.

Even a star.

Stars need to look perfect,

But they never are.

Stars make mistakes,

In that they’re like you.

Nobody’s perfect

And that’s perfectly true.

© Ann Koplow, 2019

Are you up for my photos from yesterday?

I’m up for anything, including sharing this first attempt by Nat and me to create harmonies for “Nobody’s Perfect.”

 

 

I’m up for telling you that Nat wrote the melody for “Nobody’s Perfect.” I may not be up for singing that high when we perform it, so we may have to lower it.

Now I’m up for your comments, which you can make below.

I’m definitely up for thanking those who helped me create this up-for-anything post (especially Nat), and — of course! — YOU, for being up for anything in this blog.

 

Day 1640: Personal medicine, again

Because this blog is personal medicine for me, I’ve been publishing daily posts since January 1, 2013.  During that time, I’ve personally blogged twice before about personal medicine (here and here).

Yesterday, in a therapy group, it was personal medicine for all of us to share our personal medicine.

Notice that the first item on my list of personal medicine is my sister. That’s because Ellen had texted me during the group that she was in the building where I work. After the group, I had the personal medicine of hanging out with Ellen in the lobby of the hospital. She showed me a graph she had created about how Perceivers perform tasks.

Ellen showed me the personal medicine of that chart because, in Myers-Briggs lingo, I’m a perceiver and she’s a judger. I was initially interested and excited, then I got diverted by other priorities.

One of my other priorities yesterday was to go on a walk-through — with my boyfriend Michael, our realtor Jane, and the current owner —  of our very-soon-to-be-new home near the ocean.

 

It’s personal medicine for me to look at that last photo. Imagine the personal medicine of living there, after the closing today.

When Michael and I got back to our soon-to-be-not home last night, we found a note from my son Aaron. Michael did his own personal medicine of  writing back on the note.

Did you see that music is also on my list of personal medicine, above?

I hope you know your comments are also personal medicine for me. Please share your personal medicine, below.

Personal thanks to all who helped me create another personal-medicine post and — of course! — to YOU.

Day 739: Rules and guidelines

Here’s a catch-phrase I used to hear when I was in my 20’s, working as a technical/marketing writer at an innovative start-up company in the Northeastern USA;

It’s more a guideline than a rule.

I like that expression, because:

1. I’m a child of the 1960’s, and lots of people who grew up then do not love rules,*
2. I’m an Aquarius and a Myers-Briggs ENFP — in both cases, people who don’t love rules,*
3. I’m a psychotherapist who does groups that break some rules* of group psychotherapy (e.g., group members have the control to attend these groups when and how frequently they choose), and
4. I have an overactive superego — also called the internal critic — which means I can judge myself and my behaviors by some rather harsh rules, unless I practice, practice, practice new habits and guidelines for how I think.*

I’m also thinking about another rule* I heard, last year:

Ann, you’re now on anticoagulants for your atrial fibrillation,  which means your blood won’t clot normally. No antidote exists for this medication, so PLEASE DON’T SLIP ON THE ICE.

This guideline/rule — which one of my cardiologists told me — tends to make me more anxious when:

• It’s friggin’ cold outside, and there’s ice,
• I’m driving a car, in any weather, and
• I hit my &*%$@! head on a cabinet, like I did right before I started writing this post.

If this post makes less sense than usual, that MAY indicate that I’m developing a subdural hematoma. So if my regular readers notice anything different in my writing style, please contact my nearest health provider.

Where was I?

Oh, yes.  Guidelines rather than rules.

Yesterday, I encountered several rules and/or guidelines throughout my day.

That’s something I wrote on my whiteboard in my office, yesterday afternoon . Why? Because yet another kind, empathic person who sees me for psychotherapy was being too critical of themselves. Therefore, the antidote we came up with together was “The Platinum Rule” rather than “The Golden Rule” (do unto others as you would have others do unto you.)

Here’s another photo I snapped in my office, later in the day:

Note that the barista spelled my name wrong. I used to have a rule* about that: I believed somebody misspelling or forgetting a name was demonstrating that the other person wasn’t important enough.  I no longer think that’s a rule, at all.

That’s a photograph I snapped after I got home, after a long day at work yesterday (which included my facilitating a therapy group starting at 5:30 PM). Even though it was verrrrrry cold outside, I wanted to take that photo of the moon. Because my communication style includes full disclosure*, I want to tell you that even though that moon LOOKS full, it really isn’t.

There are many other things I could write, this morning, about rules vs. guidelines,  but I need to leave soon for cardiac rehab, so I can get my very unusual heart into great shape. The morning session there starts at 7:30, but thanks to the wonderful Carla, Danise and Kathy (l. to r.):

.. that’s more a guideline than a rule.

One of the rules* of my daily posts is that I try to include some music. Instead, today, I’m going to break some conventions and do something new!

I just searched YouTube for “rules and guidelines,” and here are two things I found:

(Photo Composition: Should You follow Rules and Guidelines? found here on YouTube.)

(Stoudman’s Western Movie Marathon: Rules and Guidelines found here on YouTUbe.)

Inspired by that last video, here are ….

Ann’s Rules and Guidelines for the Weekend, Starting Tomorrow:

1. Must Watch Movies I Love.
2. Must Spend Time with People I Love.
3. Must Use The Platinum Rule.

Them’s the rules, pardner.

Thanks to all those who contributed to my writing this post this morning AND to anybody, anywhere who follows or thinks about rules and guidelines (including you, of course!)

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* More guidelines than rules, I think.  What do you think?

Day 157: Decisions, Decisions

I can’t believe that I haven’t written a post with this title yet.

Decisions, Decisions.

Eeeeek!

Decisions do not come easily to me.  I have an excuse, too.  According to my Myers-Briggs inventory results, I have a high amount of Perceiving (vs. Judging), and, quoting that Wikipedia article I just linked to:

According to Myers, perceptive types prefer to “keep decisions open”.

I’ll say. That strong preference of mine tends to make things a bit dodgy — for me and other people involved, I assume — when there’s a need for me to make a decision.

For example, here are some decisions I should be making, ASAP:

1. Details about a big (in my mind) workshop I’m presenting, to esteemed peers, about the new therapy groups I’m doing at work … IN 10 DAYS!!!!!
2. Details about a trip I want to take this August, with my son, to London and Edinburgh.
3. Whether or not to cancel my credit card, which I managed to lose track of THE VERY SAME DAY I published this post about losing things (a decision which will have some effect on my ability to act quickly, once I decide about #2, above).

I hesitate to tell you the machinations and agonies my mind can go through, when I’m trying to make a decision like those above, because I don’t want to bore, horrify, or distress you (or myself), this morning.

Hey, that was a decision I  made! (Although I have to tell you, because I’m so friggin’ transparent about everything, that I just wrote a paragraph where I DID give an example of how ridiculous a decision process can be for me.) (But I erased it.) (And, hey! That was a decision I made!)

You and I might be getting this idea, right now.  Even though I have trouble making decisions, I still have to make them, all the time. And I do.

But with any decision, I can really get caught up in my own mind in an unpleasant and unproductive way.  Usually what trips me up are these thoughts:

There is a right or wrong decision.  If I choose unwisely, there will be major consequences.

Fueled by those kinds of anxiety-provoking thoughts, I go  back and forth, with pros and cons.

I’m “blessed” in the ability to see many different sides to any question or situation. But that blessing can REALLY elongate and confuse the whole Weighing Pros And Cons Thing.

What helps? To remember the following:

•  There is usually no right or wrong decision. (In other words, it helps to let go of the cognitive distortion of All-or-Nothing Thinking.)
• Even if a decision isn’t an advantageous one, I can usually adjust and learn from it.
• My decisions probably won’t affect other people as adversely as I fear.

No matter what, though, I still DON’T LIKE making important decision. I woke up this morning — aware of those three Needs for Decision-Making I listed above —  feeling quite cranky.

I’ll tell you something else. When I’m in a certain state of mind, every decision can feel important. Then, I’m REALLY cranky.

Take this blog post I just wrote, for example. I’m wondering about decisions I’ve made so far, and whether I should I undo them:

Should I have used all those capitalizations in this post?  Did I give enough examples?  Is the writing colorful enough? Is the tone too breezy? Should I have included an anecdote about how I got so tripped up by a ridiculously trivial decision regarding my workshop presentation?  Should I have included the story about my wedding to my ex and how it took us 8 years to decide to get married (because he’s a Myers-Briggs Perceiver, too) but once we decided, I scheduled and planned the whole friggin’ thing, making decisions left and right, in two months?

Ahhhhhh, who cares. The post is what it is.

Whatever THAT is.

You decide.

And thanks for reading!