Posts Tagged With: living with chronic illness

Day 1882: Summon your strength

I need to summon my strength for a very early morning flight to Houston, so I choose to summon this pack of tissues.

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I need to summon my strength because I am

  • tired,
  • in pain from tearing my rotator cuff,
  • meeting new people,
  • traveling to an unfamiliar city,
  • presenting about my therapy groups,
  • on the medication Coumadin and needing to maintain a therapeutic INR with a consistent diet, and
  • homesick in advance.

I summon my strength by

  • writing,
  • sharing my thoughts and feelings, and
  • taking pictures of my surroundings.

 

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That message on the Paramount Theater in Boston summons my strength to remember that we are home no matter where we are in this world and that I’ll be attending a two-day therapy group in Houston titled “Longing for Home: Past Attachments and Reparative Re-Attachments.”

I also summon my strength by going to great musicals with people I love.

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Telling people “You Matter to Me” helps them summon their strength.

 

How do you summon your strength?

Strong thanks to all who helped me summon my strength to create another blog post and — of course! — to my readers, who matter to me.

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Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 22 Comments

Day 1813: Yeah, I have a dark side.

Yeah, I have a dark side.  So do we all.

If we deny our dark sides, we tend to project them on to people we define as “the other.”

So if we’re characterizing people different from us as

  • cheap,
  • stupid,
  • lazy,
  • greedy, or
  • otherwise less than us,

we’re probably projecting our own dark sides onto them.

Yeah, I have a dark side and I own it, as a way of not imposing it on others.

Yeah, I have these socks.

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Yeah, I have two other photos from yesterday.

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Do those photos have dark sides?

Yeah, I have a Dark Side video to share.

Yeah, I have a dark side that’s greedy for attention, so please leave a comment below.

Yeah, I have another side that expresses gratitude for all who help me create these blogs and for those who read them, including multi-sided you!

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Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 31 Comments

Day 1516: World of Puzzles

It’s a world of puzzles, isn’t it?

Here’s the first photo I took yesterday in my world of puzzles.

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My world includes these puzzles:

  • Why and how did I come down with a sore throat during the warmest February day I can ever remember?
  • What world issues inspired this tweet, yesterday?

What’s more important? Global warming or my enjoying a 60-degree February day in Boston?

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Your strength is your own knowledge and did you have the strong knowledge that I would include some music from the world of YouTube in this puzzling post?

What puzzles are in your world, today?

Thanks to all who helped me create this world of puzzles post and to you — of course! — no matter how puzzled you are, here and now.

 

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 32 Comments

Day 1417: Tough

The tough title of this post is inspired by the first photo I was tough enough to take yesterday, while I was doing some tough exercises at cardiac rehab:

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Based on my understanding  of (1) the word “tough” and (2) the staff at cardiac rehab, I assume they meant  I am “strong and resilient” rather than “difficult.”

If you want me to provide citations for those two definitions of ‘tough,” one word:

Tough!

The last few months have been tough for me, as I’ve undergone several  tough cardiac-related surgeries and suffered other tough slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.

Apparently, I’m tough enough to take it,  because here I am, writing this tough post today.

Now, some of my tough readers probably want to know how tough my day was yesterday, since I mentioned in yesterday’s tough post that I’d be seeing lots of tough doctors and getting some tough tests at my tough hospital.

I hope it won’t be too tough for you to tough it out through several other tough photos from yesterday, first.

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For those of you tough enough to make it through all those tough images, here’s my news from my tough day:

The news is good.  My tough doctors told me that all the tests show that I am exactly where I should be, after all the tough things I’ve been through.  As a matter of fact, my tough doctor, Mark Estes (not pictured), said this to me:

We’re going to keep you going until your 90s.

While recent events have shown lots of tough people that it is VERY tough to make accurate predictions, that was not tough for me to hear.

It’s tough for me to decide which tough music to include for this tough post, so I will leave that to my tough readers.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going. The tough writer of this tough blog does need to get going, but not until I express thanks to all, with three more tough photos:

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Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , | 45 Comments

Day 1304: Crystal Clear

Yesterday, one of my doctors — Dr. Laura Kogelman of Tufts Medical Center — said to me

Your lungs are crystal clear.

Dr. Kogelman  made it crystal clear during my appointment with her that

  1. my pneumonia is gone,
  2. my heart failure has resolved,
  3. I am ready to go back to work today,
  4. I am no more likely to contract pneumonia in the future than anybody else,
  5. we are doing a good job preventing me from getting endocarditis (a dangerous inflammation of the heart which I’ve had three times before because of my leaky heart valve),
  6. she misses seeing my wonderful dentist, Dr. Luis Del Castillo (who used to be her dentist too),
  7. it’s okay for me to go to Edinburgh, Scotland in August with my son and my ex-in-laws,
  8. she thinks it’s going to be “great” when I get a new mechanical valve for my heart in September, and
  9. she liked the idea of my transforming my future open-heart-surgery scar with a tattoo.

I made it crystal clear to Dr. Kogelman that I did NOT like her idea of turning that scar into the medical symbol of a snake climbing a rod.  I told her, “I have plenty of medical symbols on my body already” and informed her that if I do decorate that  new scar after I get it in September, I’ll probably add some flowers and leaves.

What is crystal clear to you, here and now?

Are all of my photos from yesterday crystal clear?

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Is it crystal clear to you that I made that t-shirt and that I especially like to wear it to medical appointments?

Yesterday, somebody named Jeanyne, who works at Tatte Bakery in Boston  (not pictured), made three things crystal clear to me:

  1. she loved my t-shirt,
  2. she wanted to own a t-shirt like that, and
  3. her mother,  Diane, who recently retired, is just now starting a new business marketing cool new wearable items.

Is today’s featured music crystal clear to you ?

 

Crystal clear thanks to all those who helped me create today’s post and to you — of course! — for all your crystal clear reactions.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism, staying healthy | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 34 Comments

Day 1301: Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are, reading this blog today?  Who do I think I am, posing such a question?

Who do you think saw this yesterday?

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Who do you think took a picture of it?

Who do you think you are?  Are you somebody who’s heard that question from other people?   Who do they think they are, asking you “Who do you think you are?”

Who do I think I am? I think I’m somebody who

  • thinks,
  • feels,
  • deserves respect,
  • is mortal,
  • does her best,
  • respects others,
  • blogs every day,
  • is human,
  • makes mistakes,
  • learns,
  • gets discouraged sometimes,
  • is mostly hopeful,
  • is glad to be alive, and
  • took these other pictures yesterday:

 

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Who does that tea bag company think it is, telling us to sing from our hearts?

Who do you think you are, trying to figure out all those other photos?

Who do I think I am to include two different tunes today (here and here on YouTube)?

Who do I think I am, expecting you to have some reactions to this post? Who do you think you are to consider leaving a comment?

Who do you think I want to thank today?  Everybody  who helped me create this who-do-you-think-you-are post and you — of course! — for reading it.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , | 26 Comments

Day 1299: Looks

As I look around, I notice how much looks matter to people.  Personally, I look at a lot more than just looks when I look at somebody.

But look at me!  Yesterday, looks mattered so much to me that I requested that people look at this photo AND I asked them “HOW DO I LOOK?”

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Look, I’m like anybody else. I want to look good.  But I especially wanted to people to look at how I looked yesterday so they could see how I look a short week after  diagnoses of pneumonia and heart failure .

And even though I asked others “HOW DO I LOOK?”  I look at it this way:  What’s most important is how I thought I looked. If somebody else had looked at that photo critically and judgmentally, their looks would not have mattered to me, at all.

Are you ready to look at other images I looked at yesterday?

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Did any of those photos get a second look from you?

It’s time to look at some music!

I’ll take a look later to see if I get any comments for this post about looks.

Look!  It’s me thanking you for looking at my blog, here and now.

Categories: celebrating, personal growth, photojournalism, staying healthy | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 55 Comments

Day 1294: Alone/Connected

When I was a little kid, I spent a lot of time in hospitals, because of my unusual heart.  Because hospitals didn’t have the heart they have now, they did not allow my parents to spend the night with me.  As a result, I  was frightened and alone, during a time I especially needed to feel connected and protected.

As I’ve grown, I’ve known, intellectually, that I am not alone. But the feelings from childhood persist.

As I’m typing this post now, alone, I’m realizing that I am probably less alone, here and now, than I’ve ever been in my life because of friends, family, doctors, and connections through WordPress.

And yet, it’s so easy for all those people to vanish from my consciousness, leaving  behind that old childhood “knowledge”  of being alone.

Whenever I experience a hospital stay — as I did last week — those feelings of aloneness get retriggered.  Like many other people,  when I feel vulnerable, sick, and in unfamiliar surroundings, I can be much more aware of my aloneness than of  my connectedness with others.  There is something about being alone in a hospital room, listening to the sounds of machines that measure your breathing and pulse, that can bring on a stark sense of isolation.

And yet, even in the hospital, there are always moments when I KNOW I am not alone. Those moments of connectedness include my time on WordPress, every day.

Thanks to my readers, for always reminding me that I am NOT alone.

Yesterday, I felt well enough to go for a walk alone.

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When I took every picture yesterday, I felt connected, even when I was alone.

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Is there one picture, alone, that stands out for you, as THE image for today’s post?

Originally, I thought I was going to include one musical number, alone:

 

But my own photos inspired  me to connect  to this number

 

and this one:

 

Thanks to all those who helped me connect and feel less alone today, including you!!!

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , | 36 Comments

Day 1291: Inexplicable

Rather than have “inexplicable” be inexplicable, here’s a definition:

in·ex·pli·ca·ble
ˌinekˈsplikəb(ə)l/
adjective
unable to be explained or accounted for.
“for some inexplicable reason her mind went completely blank”
synonyms: unaccountable, unexplainable, incomprehensible, unfathomable, impenetrable, insoluble

For some inexplicable reason, my mind never seems to go completely blank.

Yesterday morning, I inexplicably said to a team of doctors that came to my hospital room:

People seem to find my getting pneumonia inexplicable. What should I say to somebody who asks, “How did you pick this up?”

The head resident inexplicably smiled, paused, and then responded.

Tell them, “I got it from you.”

That response is inexplicable, unless you realize that he was kidding.

Yesterday, I inexplicably had an almost completely positive day at Boston’s Tufts Medical Center, where I’ve been hospitalized since Sunday, as follows:

  • they got me off I.V. antibiotics and onto oral ones,
  • I stopped wearing any sort of oxygen support,
  • I did many laps around the hospital unit, and
  • several of the doctors mentioned the possibility that I might be going home today.

My happiness at the end of the day is probably not inexplicable.

Then,  one of the nurses woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me that my oxygen levels had inexplicably gone down while I was sleeping. No matter what position I got into, the oxygen levels remained inexplicably insufficient.  As I am writing this inexplicable post, I am back on oxygen support.

Will this inexplicable drop in my oxygen levels affect my chances of going home today?

Your inexplicable guess is as good as mine.

Are any of my photos from yesterday inexplicable?

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If any of those images are inexplicable, let me know and I shall explain.

Are my two musical choices for this post (found here and here on YouTube) inexplicable?

 

 

Honestly, if there are no comments on this post, I shall find that inexplicable.

Explicable thanks to all who helped me create this inexplicable post and to you — of course! — for reading it.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 30 Comments

Day 1262: Pain

It pains me slightly to realize, here and now, that I have never, ever written a blog post with the word “pain” in the title during all my twelve hundred and sixty-one days of uninterrupted daily blogging, before today.

Even when I wrote about the important concept of “absence of pain” two months ago, that post did not include “pain” in its title.

I shall now take pains to speculate why I have avoided naming “pain” in my blog titles.

  1. My work as a psychotherapist centers so much on people’s pain.
  2. The news is  always filled with pain.
  3. I avoid, whenever possible, taking medication for pain.
  4. I suffered a lot of pain when I was in the hospital as a child.
  5. I worry about future pain.
  6. Because I’m a mother, I fear the possibility of my son experiencing pain.
  7. In almost every therapy group I facilitate, the common themes include “physical pain” and “emotional pain.”
  8. Pain – even though it’s an important warning signal from our bodies blah blah blah — sucks.

Here are all the photos I took yesterday, in a world of pain and hurt:

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It pains me to think of a world without personal power or without love.

It also pains me to imagine dealing with pain without music. Here‘s Sting and The Police performing King of Pain:

Humor also helps me relieve pain. Here‘s “Weird Al” Yankovic‘s parody of King of Pain:

 

Would it pain you to join me in focusing on pain today? If not, please take pains to comment below.

It doesn’t pain me to repeat myself, especially when I’m expressing gratitude to you all.

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Categories: blogging, personal growth, Psychotherapy | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 30 Comments

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