Posts Tagged With: letting go of regret

Day 3699: Life is full of surprises.

Because life is full of surprises, I wasn’t surprised to see this sign yesterday:

.

Do my other images for today show that life is full of surprises?

.

Life is full of surprises and I’m sure that commuters at Boston’s South Station were surprised by this postal workers flash mob yesterday:

I’m surprised that video doesn’t include more footage of the postal workers singing and dancing to “Mr. Postman,” but life is full of surprises.

If you think life is full of surprises, feel free to surprise me with a comment, below.

Thanks to all who helped make this life-is-full-of-surprises blog post possible, including YOU!

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Day 3652: Make Up Your Mind Day

Today, according to the National Day Calendar site, is Make Up Your Mind Day.

I can’t make up my mind about many things, including whether people across the United States really observe Make Up Your Mind Day. However, I am celebrating, on New Years Eve Day and No Interruptions Day, the fact that I have finally made up my mind (after many interruptions) about the tiles, the fixtures, etc. to repair our severely water-damaged shower.

I don’t know why it takes me so long to make up my mind about certain things — maybe it’s a fear of making a mistake and having to live with it.

I do know that I easily made up my mind to spend a few days in NYC with my only son, Aaron. I’m so grateful I made up my mind to try to have a child in my 40s, after doctors changed their minds about whether it was advisable for someone with an unusual heart like mine to have a baby.

Now I’m going to make up my mind about how to arrange the images I have to share with you today.

I made up my mind to ask that question on Twitter after Aaron and I discussed who we would like to be interviewed by (among many other topics) on the train to NYC and before I saw that Barbara Walters had died.

There were many images I didn’t capture yesterday — including the throngs of people in Times Square and a local TV personality reporting about it — but I’m making up my mind, here and now, to let go of regrets about what I haven’t or have done in the past. I’ve also made up my mind to focus on hope and joy, even when there is so much pain and suffering in the world.

I’m glad I made up my mind for us to see “A Strange Loop” last night before it closes next month on Broadway. I’ve made up my mind to share this with you today:

Now I have to make up my mind about how Aaron and I are going to spend this precious day, besides finally seeing the musical Merrily We Roll Along together.

I hope you make up your mind to leave a comment below.

Every day, I make up my mind to end this blog with gratitude for YOU.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

Day 1895: Forget Regret

Yesterday, in a group therapy session, people talked about regret.  I said, “Regret is really present in this room. Should we invite Regret to sit down?”   People looked a little less regretful when they invited Regret to sit in a corner.  They also asked Regret questions like “Why won’t you go away?”  I answered in the voice of Regret: “I won’t go away because I think I help you. What would you do without me?”  People said that as the session went on, Regret was still there but was getting smaller.

Near the end of the session, I went over to the chair where Regret was sitting, picked it up by the scruff of the neck, opened the door with my other hand, threw Regret into the hallway, and slammed the door.  I asked people how it felt now that Regret was out of the room.  “Wonderful,” was one reply.

Later that day, I went to physical therapy for my torn rotator cuff, and Regret visited me there.  I got so discouraged about my lack of progress that I focused on my regret for slipping and falling on January 31.  Then, I remembered the group, took Regret by the scruff of the neck and threw it out the door.

Here‘s the song I heard yesterday with the lyrics “Forget Regret.”

There’s only us

There’s only this

Forget regret

Or life is yours to miss

No other road

No other way

No day but today.

Kind and wonderful people — like Dr. Maria Gonzalez Del Castillo and Kate at Beacon Hill Dental Associates — help me forget regret.

IMG_7462

IMG_7461

Taking photos for this blog helps me forget regret.

IMG_7460

IMG_7452

IMG_7454

 

IMG_7447

IMG_7459

IMG_7457

IMG_7456

IMG_7455.JPG

Forget regret but don’t forget to comment!

I never forget to send a big thank-you to everyone who helps me create this daily blog, especially YOU.

IMG_7426

Categories: group therapy, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

Day 1855: What Not to Do Today

I often make To Do Lists, especially for Mondays. However, I’ve never made a list of what not to do before.

Here’s my first ever list of What Not to Do Today:

IMG_6650

IMG_6647

  • Ignore the cats.
  • Be a perfectionist.
  • Facilitate a group (because my therapy groups don’t meet on Mondays).

IMG_6634

  • Start collecting miniature chairs (since I already collect watches).
  • Regret the past.
  • Be anxious about the future.
  • Avoid.
  • Assume.
  • Beat myself up about what I’m not doing.
  • Ignore the beauty around me.

IMG_6632

  • Bake a cake like that.
  • Be late for work.
  • Specifically ask for comments about what would be on your “What Not To Do Today” list.
  • Forget to thank all who helped me create this “What Not To Do Today” post and — of course! — YOU.

IMG_6649

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

Day 1822: How to have fewer regrets

Yesterday, I saw this:

IMG_6019

I didn’t write down the tips from that New York Times Magazine article, but I have no regrets about that.

I remember that  the article said regret is the second most common human emotion.  I have no regrets about that, either.

I’ve linked to the same blog post about regrets three times in this post, and I have no regrets about that.

 

Here’s one way to have fewer regrets: decide not to have them.

Another way to have fewer regrets is to spend time with people you love.

IMG_6021

 

I have no regrets about my other photos from yesterday.

IMG_6016

 

IMG_6018

IMG_6017

IMG_6025

IMG_6029

IMG_6028

Think seriously and think honestly  about how to have fewer regrets.

I have no regrets about finding and sharing this YouTube video about how to have fewer regrets:

 

One more way to have fewer regrets:  Express appreciation whenever you can.

IMG_6020

 

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 27 Comments

Day 1679: If I knew then what I know now

If I knew then what I know my blog post topic is now, would I have taken different photos yesterday?

 

If I knew then what I know now about how expensive everything is in 2017, I would have worked harder to get lots of money.

If I knew in 2008 when I got the Arthur Award for “Best Peasant” in Spamalot on Broadway (starring Clay Aiken) 

onBroadwaywith Clay

… what I know now — that my son Aaron’s cousin Victoria would be in Spamalot at the Regent Theater in Arlington Massachusetts today ….

IMG_2849

… would I have felt any different about being on stage back then?

I often hear people say, “If I knew then what I know now”  when they judge and deprecate their past decisions. If knew then what I know now about addressing those regrets about the past, I would have always replied

You were doing the best you could at the time with the knowledge you had then.

For example, if we knew then what we know now about our new dining room table:

 

—  that is,  how putting certain placemats on it would cause a weird residue to form on the finish — we would have paid money for the extra insurance protecting any future problems. However, because that insurance did NOT cover damage done by cats, we assumed we wouldn’t need it.

If I knew when I booked my trip to Edinburgh, Scotland that real cats would be appearing on stage at the Regent Theater on Labor Day weekend …

IMG_2854

 

… I might have booked an earlier return date.

If people who have pets knew then what they know now …

IMG_2859

IMG_2857

 

… they might have made different purchasing decisions.

If we all knew then what we know now, we might always look on the bright side of life.

I knew then and I know now that I always like to end with thanks to those who help me create these daily blogs and — of course! — to you, for all you know.

IMG_2862

 

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

Day 1539: The No List

No. 1.   Here’s The No List that inspired this post:

IMG_9523

No. 2.  The No List on that napkin holder included

  • No high fructose corn syrup,
  • No hydrogenated fats,
  • No added growth hormones in our fresh meat,
  • No artificial preservatives,
  • No artificial sweeteners.

No. 3.   The No List at Whole Foods ended with this:
IMG_9524

No. 4.  My personal No List includes

  • No bullies.
  • No cruelty.
  • No sexism.
  • No racism.
  • No homophobia.
  • No ageism.
  • No regrets about saying “No” in the past.

No. 5.  Here’s a list of quotes about No:

No is a complete sentence and so often we forget that.
When we don’t want to do something we can simply smile and say no.
We don’t have to explain ourselves, we can just say “No”.
Early on my journey I found developing the ability to say no expanded my ability to say yes and really mean it.
My early attempts at saying no were often far from graceful but with practice even my no came from a place of love.
Love yourself enough to be able to say yes or no.”
― Susan Gregg

“Let today mark a new beginning for you. Give yourself permission to say NO without feeling guilty, mean, or selfish. Anybody who gets upset and/or expects you to say YES all of the time clearly doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Always remember: You have a right to say NO without having to explain yourself. Be at peace with your decisions.”
― Stephanie Lahart

“Say no to everything, so you can say yes to the one thing.”
― Richie Norton

“Most women are all too familiar with men like Calvin Smith. Men whose sense of prerogative renders them deaf when women say, “No thanks,” “Not interested,” or even “Fuck off, creep.”
― Jon Krakauer, Missoula: Rape and the Justice System in a College Town

“Whether they’re family or friends, manipulators are difficult to escape from. Give in to their demands and they’ll be happy enough, but if you develop a spine and start saying no, it will inevitably bring a fresh round of head games and emotional blackmail. You’ll notice that breaking free from someone else’s dominance will often result in them accusing you of being selfish. Yes, you’re selfish, because you’ve stopped doing what they want you to do for them. Wow. Can these people hear themselves?!”
― Rosie Blythe, The Princess Guide to Life

“It takes effort to say no when our heart and brains and guts and, most important, pride are yearning to say yes. Practice.”
― Cole Harmonson, Pre Middle Age: 40 Lessons in Growing the Hell Up

“He wasn’t used to people saying no, and Eby felt sorry for him, the way she’d always felt sorry for those who had everything and it still wasn’t enough.”
― Sarah Addison Allen, Lost Lake

“Information overload (on all levels) is exactly WHY you need an “ignore list”. It has never been more important to be able to say “No”
― Mani S. Sivasubramanian, How To Focus – Stop Procrastinating, Improve Your Concentration & Get Things Done – Easily!

“We must say “no” to what, in our heart, we don’t want. We must say “no” to doing things out of obligation, thereby cheating those important to us of the purest expression of our love. We must say “no” to treating ourselves, our health, our needs as not as important as someone else’s. We must say “no.”
― Suzette Hinton

“To exist here, I’ll have to become skilled in saying no—an art in which I was once well accomplished, but one I no longer care to practice.”
― Doug Cooper, Outside In

“It is extremely important to be able to make negative assertions. We must be able to say what is ‘not me’ in order to have a ‘me’. What we like has no meaning unless we know what we don’t like. Our yes has no meaning if we never say no. My chosen profession has no passion if ‘just anyone would do’. Our opinions and thoughts mean very little if there is nothing we disagree with.”
― Henry Cloud, Changes That Heal: How to Understand the Past to Ensure a Healthier Future

“If the person you’re talking with continues to press you for more or can’t seem to accept your answer, then you are being harassed. I know that sounds hard for people-pleasers to accept, but it’s true. No means no.”
― Suzette Hinton

“Many survivors have such profound deficiencies in self-protection that they can barely imagine themselves in a position of agency or choice. The idea of saying no to the emotional demands of a parent, spouse, lover or authority figure may be practically inconceivable. Thus, it is not uncommon to find adult survivors who continue to minister to the needs of those who once abused them and who continue to permit major intrusions without boundaries or limits. Adult survivors may nurse their abusers in illness, defend them in adversity, and even, in extreme cases, continue to submit to their sexual demands.”
― Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence – From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror

“If something is not a “hell, YEAH!”, then it’s a “no!”
― James Altucher

“Sometimes “No” is the kindest word.”
― Vironika Tugaleva

“Learn to say “no” to the good and the advantageous, in order to receive the best.”
― Sunday Adelaja

“In order for us to practice self-control, we must have a goal. We must have something we are saying “yes” to, which necessarily comes with things that we must say “no” to. We use self-control to maneuver ourselves toward this “yes.” This goal must be entirely our own. The minute another person is choosing and managing our goals for us, we have left self-control behind.”
― Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On: Connection Communication And Boundaries.

“When you say no to the wrong people, it opens up the space for the right people to come in.”

― Joe Calloway, Magnetic: The Art of Attracting Business

“Until you learn how to confidently say NO to so many things, you shall always say YES to so many things. The real summary of a regretful life is a life that failed to balance YES and NO. Yes! A life that failed to recognize when to courageously say NO and when to confidently say YES!”
― Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

“NO” is a complete sentence. It does not require an explanation to follow. You can truly answer someone’s request with a simple No.”
― Sharon E. Rainey, The Best Part of My Day Healing Journal

No. 6.   Heres “Say No to This” from Hamilton. 

No. 7.  Too-expensive tickets to Hamilton have been on my No List, so I’ve said “yes” to just singing along to the soundtrack.

No. 8.  Did you know I said yes to more photos yesterday?

IMG_9526.JPG

IMG_9525

IMG_9527

IMG_9534

No. 9. Because not sharing is not caring, sharing gratitude is never on my No List.

IMG_9532

IMG_9533

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism, self-care | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 49 Comments

Day 1103: I am aware that I am not ____

I am aware that I am not kidding that this post was inspired by this sign, seen yesterday at work:

IMG_8443

Yes, I am aware that I am not:

  • Phyllis,
  • Adam, who is now sitting where Phyllis sat for years,
  • a marketing writer any more, now that I’m a psychotherapist,
  • sick with a cold,
  • perfect,
  • as young as I used to be,
  • one to stop growing,
  • responsible for other people’s feelings,
  • writing more than one blog post every day,
  • nervous about my audition for “The Voice” next month,
  • focusing on the past,
  • living with a dog,
  • tall,
  • a delicate flower,
  • a mythological creature,
  • too cold,
  • too hot,
  • in Kansas,
  • in Paris,
  • going directly into work this morning, because of a pacemaker clinic appointment,  and
  •  regretful about the many, many things that I am not.

I am aware that I am not including any other photos from yesterday, yet. I am aware that I am not one to hesitate, once I realize a task is due.

IMG_8440

IMG_8441

IMG_8447

IMG_8450

IMG_8449

I am aware that I am not a professional photographer.

I am aware that I am not directly asking for comments about this post. I am also aware that I am not unaware that you might have some thoughts and feelings about it.

I am aware that I am not ungrateful to Adam, Phyllis, and all those who helped me create today’s post. I am aware that I am not forgetting to thank you — of course! — for reading it.

 

 

Categories: group psychotherapy, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , | 38 Comments

Day 1054: Here and Now

In therapy and in this blog, I invite people to be in the here and now.

Here and now, I’ll try to explain why that is.

If we focus our attention on the present,  we can

  • appreciate the gifts of the moment,
  • be less overwhelmed,
  • be more aware of what we can control,
  • let go of regrets about the past,
  • reduce fear about the future (which is unknown), and
  • identify achievable next steps.

Being in the here and now isn’t easy. It takes practice, commitment, and vigilance  to gently refocus our attention — which wanders  to the future, the past, all over the place —  to the present moment.

Are you with me?  Are you here and now?  Or are you thinking about

  • what’s already happened (which you can’t change),
  • what might happen (or might not), and
  • other places?

Here, now, are some photos presently on my phone:

IMG_7014

Here, now, is music about here …

… and now.

In the present moment, I’m grateful to Rumi, cats, supportive people, healthy food, Gene Kelly, the Gershwin brothers, Pat Metheny, all my senses, and you — of course! — for being here and now.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism, Psychotherapy | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

Day 1023: Becoming

I saw this last night.

I found that very becoming, because I was already thinking about how things can become other things, like a spoon becoming a pen …

… caring becoming worry (and vice versa) …

… a slinky becoming something else…

…  “busy” becoming other things…

… and my work computer screen becoming upside down, yesterday.

I was also thinking how Larry David had no trouble becoming Bernie Sanders on SNL this past Saturday, but had unexpected trouble becoming George Costanza (a character unbecomingly based on himself) on Curb Your Enthusiasm.

I believe it is becoming and healing to let go of shame, guilt, fear, worry about the future, regret about the past,  and outdated thought patterns.  However, as many becoming people have said in my office,

That’s easier said than done.

I know that, but saying the change can be the first step to becoming it.

Today, I will not be coming into the Boston teaching hospital where I work as a psychotherapist. Instead, I will be coming to a conference on innovation in medical practice.

Who knows what will become, on this day in October? I know this: another blog post will be coming your way, tomorrow.

I am becoming grateful to every person, place, and thing that helped this post become what it did today. I’m becoming especially grateful to you — of course! — for becoming,  here and now.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism, Psychotherapy | Tags: , , , , , , | 38 Comments

Blog at WordPress.com.