Posts Tagged With: letting go of old fears

Day 600: Scary things

Hey!  I see by my post title that I am blogging for the 600th consecutive day!

Round numbers can seem important, and important things can seem scary, don’t you think?

Yes, this post is going to focus on “scary things.”  However, since I like balance, I’m assuming there will be “unscary things” here,  too.

Shall we get started?

Wait! Something’s missing.  For me, when something is missing, it’s often music.

Friends, bloggers, and country-people, lend me your ears* … for some scary background music.

My first scary-music choice is from The Blair Witch Project, a film that scared the bejeesus out of me.

If The Blair Witch Project isn’t your taste, how about music from The Shining?

(found here on YouTube)

How about “Tubular Bells” from The Exorcist?

One final warning: Those music choices will probably start with advertisements.**

Okay!  Without further ado, choices, or other types of stalling,** I hereby present:

Things That Have Scared Me

(in alphabetical order)

  1. Anger
  2. Babies
  3. Cruelty
  4. Doctors
  5. Expletives
  6. Films
  7. Germs
  8. Hospitals
  9. Injustice
  10. Justice systems
  11. Know-it-alls
  12. Loud noises
  13. Mistakes
  14. Neglect
  15. Onions
  16. Planes
  17. Quitting
  18. Rage
  19. Shame
  20. Technology
  21. Underestimating
  22. Violence
  23. Witches
  24. Xerox machines
  25. Youth-obsessed cultures
  26. Zoos

Things That Have Not Scared Me

(in alphabetical order)

  1. Aging
  2. Babies
  3. Cats
  4. Doctors
  5. Expletives
  6. Foreigners
  7. Giants
  8. Humans
  9. Insecurity
  10. Justice
  11. Knowledge
  12. Love
  13. Movies
  14. Needs
  15. Onions
  16. Public speaking
  17. Quiet
  18. Risk-taking
  19. Spiders
  20. Therapy
  21. Underworlds
  22. Violent weather
  23. Wicked (the musical)
  24. X-rays
  25. Youth
  26. Zoos

What do you think of these scary and unscary things? Don’t be scared of disagreement,** please.

Geesh!  That was scary!  I almost pressed the WordPress** “publish” button without including the image that inspired this whole post, to begin with.

Yesterday, when my bf Michael and I were on our first walk since my return home from Edinburgh, I saw this:

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WTF IS THAT?

Thanks to Wikipedia**; to those who are scared or unscared by all the things mentioned in this post; to the creative people who score movies (scary and otherwise);  to lists** of scary things on the internet** (including this list); and to you, especially, because you don’t scare me!


*  Spending a week immersed in comedy at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe (see here, here, here, here, and here) has definitely had an effect on me. My thought, as I wrote “lend me your ears,” was this: “I’m glad Vincent Van Gogh is not alive to read this.”  Minds can be scary things, can’t they?

**  Another scary thing (that didn’t make the lists).

Categories: humor, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 39 Comments

Day 542: Making Meaning

When something happens we can’t understand or explain, what do we do? Often, we try to make meaning of what just happened.

Sometimes, we can’t.  

If something upsetting happens, we often look to ascribe blame — against ourselves and others.

I actually don’t know why I’m writing these words right now. They do relate to a discussion I witnessed in a therapy group yesterday, but I can’t make meaning of how this topic fits with some photos I want to show you.

I think I should have stuck with my original title for this post: “Some photos I took on Wednesday.” That would have worked, really easily.

Why did I change the title, the way I did? I can’t make meaning of that, right now.

Now what should I do?  And who is to blame for this less-than-optimal blogging situation? Me, you, or somebody else?

Who cares? Let’s just look at the photos.

Here’s a little item I got many years ago, which I keep in my office:

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How do we make meaning of THAT?  What the heck is it?  Is it animal, vegetable, or mineral?

I’ll tell you this: it’s made out of wood.

Any guesses?

I’ll give you a hint. It’s a kind of transformer.

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 I mean, it’s like a transformer because it (1) has moving parts and (2) turns into something else.  However, I may have misled you with that last image, or raised your expectations too high. My thing is not quite that intricate, flashy, or up-to-date. I hope you still like it, though.

Here it is:

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Here’s the meaning I ascribe to that: it looks, to me, like a wondrous, special and unusual place to stay.

Sometimes I do stay in unusual places. Like, last night  I had a sleep-over at a hospital.

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Now I’m misleading you, again. That is NOT where my sleep study was.  That’s actually a hospital for children.

I’m not a child, so I don’t belong there. How do I feel about that?

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If you have trouble making meaning of that, I’ll be more direct. I’m very glad I’m no longer a child.

One of the many advantages of being an adult? You get more freedom of expression.

For example, you can take whatever pictures you like and present them as you choose:

 

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I’m actually not sure what I’m trying to convey in this post. Which might make it difficult for you to make meaning of it all.

I will tell you some feelings I had while I was writing this post: I prefer being home to being in hospitals. I don’t like medical machines attached to me, at night. And, based on this part of my sleep-study, I will, most likely, getting a CPAP machine, to bring into my home:

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(I found that image here.)

Eeek!  I just freaked myself out, just as I did when I googled “sleep study” in March.

Now I want to show you something I saw at home before I left before my sleep study,  asleep without a machine:

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Right before I snapped this photo, my boyfriend Michael said this about Oscar:

I can’t make head or tails of that cat.

 Which, of course, is another way to make meaning.

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Before I end this post, I want to tell you this:  I wrote most of this last night, before I left for the hospital.

I’m writing this ending at yet another hospital, where I work.

The sleep study went better than I expected.  I slept fine with the CPAP machine. And I think it’s actually going to help me feel better (despite my old, childhood-acquired negative feelings about medical machines).

I will probably write more about this, perhaps in tomorrow’s post. For now, here are some images from this morning (and feel free to make meaning of them, or not):

 

photo[1]sleepstudy2tufts

floating

tuftsviewumbrellajellies

Thanks to transformers of all kinds, to Boston-based hospitals and medical centers; to  people who do their best in making meaning (and changes in their lives); to sleep-study expert Lori, her daughter Allie, and Allie’s friend Isabella; and to you — of course! — for the meaning you are making, today.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Day 448: More Fortune Telling

Yesterday’s post included some interesting and perhaps unexpected Fortune Tellers, including

  • Zoltar from the movie Big,
  • Sherlock Holmes,
  • Big Al,
  • a deep sea diver,
  • a chef (actually, Zoltar wearing a chef’s outfit),
  • a bird named Chad, and
  • me.

You can find most of these Fortune Tellers at the Characters Unlimited, Inc., website. Personally, I was so captured by that site, that after my first trip there yesterday,  I’ve come back to it several times.

I’ve re-visited that site because of (1) my interest in the human habit  of Fortune Telling — our thoughts going to the future, no matter how much we may try to stay “in the moment” — and (2) the many interesting characters there, sitting in fortune-telling booths, including many I have not shown you.

Yet.

In this post, I am going to take you, again, to That Fortune Telling Land of Unlimited Characters.

Why?  Isn’t it obvious? There are some great characters there, people!

Also, I need to go there, for some fortune-telling assistance, because this week holds some challenges for me. The biggest challenge, for me, is a one-night journey to The Hospital. Now, this week’s hospital visit is much different from times I spent in the hospital when I was a child, because:

  • I am going voluntarily, for a sleep study.
  • It’s a different hospital.
  • I am an adult.

I had some trouble thinking of differences, just then, which doesn’t surprise me.   Fortune Teller Cool Cat says:

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“When you encounter things now, that remind you of scary things from your childhood, you can go cold with fear, and forget how safe you are.”

Fortune Teller Bear says:

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“When you focus on things you’re looking forward to, that makes things more bearable.”

Thank you, Fortune Telling Cat and Bear. That was very helpful.

This week ahead, the day after my sleep study, I am going to see a jazz musician I’ve loved for a long time.

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Ooops!  Wrong jazz musician. Let’s try again.

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(I found that image here)

On 3/27/14, I’m going to see Pat Metheny and his Unity Group with my friend Peggy (who went to Panama with me).

After going through that sleep study, I hope I can stay awake for the concert.

Fortune Teller Old Pirate says:

fortune_teller_044

“Arrggh, Matie! Don’t you worry about that!”

Thank to Characters Unlimited Incorporated again; to ntexas99 for catching the secret identify of the Fortune Teller Chef yesterday; to Pat, Peggy, and other old friends of mine;  to fortune tellers everywhere (whether they be characters or not); and to you — of course! — for visiting me here today.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , | 9 Comments

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