Day 3711: Guilty

When people in therapy talk about how guilty they feel, I often encourage them to throw guilt away in my “magic waste paper basket.” I don’t feel guilty about having a magic water paper basket nor about suggesting that people throw guilt away. My experience is that toxic perpetrators do not feel guilty at all while well-meaning and essentially good people do feel guilty about minor infractions and imperfections.

Here’s my magic waste paper basket …

… and don’t feel guilty about throwing away guilt in any receptacle you choose.

I am guilty of gathering all the images for today’s blog post and I don’t feel guilty about sharing any of them with you.

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My guilty pleasures include chocolate soufflé and the Daily Bitch calendar.

Here’s what I find on YouTube when I search for “guilty.”

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Thanks to all who help me feel less guilty, including YOU!

Day 3669: Responding

Because I’m a psychotherapist, a blogger, and a denizen of Twitter, I spend a lot of time responding to others.

Sometimes I feel guilty that I’m not responding more quickly and completely to responses here and on Twitter, but I’m responding to guilt the way I suggest others respond — I’m letting go of it.

Lately, I’ve been responding better to people who respond differently than I do. For example, when my husband Michael and I saw the musical Preludes this weekend, we discovered we were responding very differently: I liked it and he disliked it. Instead of responding negatively to that, I accepted Michael’s viewpoint and was also able to stay with my positive feelings about the play. I have to admit it’s taken me many years to reach that evolved level of responding.

Because responding effectively and appropriately can be complicated, I tweeted this simple Daily Bitch resolution/solution yesterday:

Now I’m wondering how you’ll be responding to that and the other images in today’s blog post.

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The Daily Bitch seems to be letting go of guilt about how she’s been responding.

Here are musicians responding to each other in the movie Whiplash.

Thanks to all who are responding to this blog post here and now, including YOU!

Day 3585: I am very busy

I am very busy

• working at the hospital on Mondays,
• doing remote therapy from my home the rest of the week,
• blogging and tweeting every day,
• keeping up with bills,
• keeping up with technology,
• maintaining my health,
• doing word games,
• making decisions about our upstairs shower repair,
• dealing with insurance companies and contractors,
• explaining things to people,
• balancing my needs with the needs of others,
• listening to music,
• staying on top of the news even when the news is bringing me down,
• rewatching movies that cheer me up, and
• keeping track and taking care of those I love.

No matter how very busy I am, I can still feel guilty about all the things that I’m not doing, so maybe I need this “I am very busy” desk sign (which a co-worker showed me yesterday at the hospital).

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I am very busy, here and now, putting together the rest of this blog post.

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I am very busy trying to think of the perfect line to write here. How about this: The Daily Bitch is very busy celebrating Sourest Day.

Here’s what I find on YouTube when I search for “I am very busy.”

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Thanks to all who are very busy reading this blog post, including YOU!

Day 3146: Guilty pleasures

My guilty pleasures include chocolate, mac & cheese, watching old game shows on TV, blogging, tweeting, and sharing my latest images with you.

The Daily Bitch never looks guilty about her pleasures, so I’m going to follow her example. No guilt about pleasures!

Here’s what I find on YouTube when I search for “guilty pleasures”:

What are your thoughts and feelings about this “guilty pleasures” post?

It’s a guiltless pleasure for me to thank all who visit this daily blog, including YOU!!

Day 3109: Starting today

Starting today, I am going to

• be braver,
• not assume,
• breathe more deeply,
• be less afraid of other people’s anger,
• take more breaks, and
• only Tweet when I’m at home, because I’m close to exceeding my monthly mobile phone data.

Starting today, if I’ve overslept and I’m running late in the morning, I’m not going to feel guilty about throwing my blog post together quickly without much explanation or organization.

Starting today, if I don’t have time to include music or a video in my blog post, I shall feel no guilt.

This is not starting today, but as usual I feel and express gratitude for everyone in my life, including YOU!

Day 2501: Everything you’re handed

Everything you’re handed includes today’s blog and this image I captured with my hand  yesterday:

Ready to be handed my thoughts about that?

• Eeek!  A talking napkin!
• I appreciate statements that start with “Please.”
• I try to compost when I can and feel guilty when I don’t.
• Unless somebody hands me a napkin, I often forget to get one.
• Something I have in common with my teacher, friend, and  comedian’s comedian Ron Lynch is that napkins don’t like to stay in our laps.  During a restaurant meal, I often have to reach down with my hand and retrieve an escaped or escaping napkin.
• You have to hand it to me: I’m a creative name-dropper (and napkin-dropper).

My hands have now rewritten the title to this post several times …

Day 2537: Everything we hand you

Day 2537: Everything I hand you

Day 2537: Everything I’m handed

Day 2537: Compostable

Day 2537: Hand outs

Day 2537: Everything

… before returning to my original title.  As my fiancé Michael says,  “First guess, best guess.”

Now you’re going to be handed more images my hand, heart, and mind have chosen.

 

Sometimes, everything you’re handed can feel like too much. Please keep these thoughts at hand when you’re overwhelmed:

• Shame and self-judgment don’t help.
• This too shall pass.
• You are not alone.

Here‘s Marc Cohn with “The Things We’ve Handed Down.”

Now it’s time to hand you my gratitude for all who help me create these posts with my own two hands, every day.

Day 2435: Reduced guilt

For many of us, reduced guilt would be a blessing.

I love the idea of reduced guilt mac & cheese! I also love the idea of reduced guilt for

• not being able to do it all,
• making mistakes,
• inadvertently hurting somebody’s feelings,
• over eating,
• wasting time,
• wasting money,
• making unhealthy choices,
• not exercising enough,
• being selfish sometimes,
• getting angry,
• being sad,
• having moments of despair,
• being ambivalent,
• being needy,
• not knowing,
• making missteps,
• making noise,
• speaking up,
• not speaking up,
• eavesdropping,
• being lazy,
• missing people,
• resenting unfairness,
• making comparisons (and other cognitive distortions),
• feeling less than,
• feeling better than,
• having a faulty memory,
• just wanting to have fun,
• not always following the rules,
• not always getting what’s going on,
• having unkind thoughts, and
• being human.

Here and now, I’m practicing reduced guilt about all of the above, especially having unkind thoughts about some national leaders (who might benefit from having INCREASED guilt about their behaviors).

Because confessing my guilt reduces it, I have reduced guilt about the other photos I took yesterday.

I have reduced guilt about buying that dress for my upcoming college reunion, because it was such a bargain!

For more reduced guilt, you could try this guided meditation by The Honest Guys:

Honestly, I don’t know those guys, so here’s  “Guilt” by Marianne Faithfull.

What are your thoughts and feelings about reduced guilt?

Increased gratitude to all who helped me create this “reduced guilt” post and — of course! — to YOU.

 

 

Day 1997: Showing Up

Showing up today, I notice that I wrote another post titled “Showing  Up”  at the beginning of this year.

I also notice there are twice as many likes showing up for that post than for my posts that have been showing up here lately. Much to my surprise, self-doubt and judgment are not showing up about that.

Here’s why this topic is showing up again today:

Yesterday, in a therapy group, the people who showed up expressed appreciation and gratitude for others showing up.

Let’s see what other photos have been showing up on my iPhone.

Beautiful sunsets keep showing up near where I live.

Because I have to keep showing up at Physical Therapy on Wednesday mornings at 7:30 AM, I only have time to thank you for showing up, here and now.

Day 1921: It’s a shame

When you reach out to somebody clearly expressing a wish to connect and you consistently get nothing in return, it’s a shame.  I mean,  that’s not only an unfortunate and perplexing experience, it also triggers the shame response, which (according to Google) looks like this:

(image found here)

When I experience the shame response, I

• feel the urge to withdraw and hide,
• try to figure out why there’s been no reaction to my attempts to connect,
• remember that experiencing shame in response to perceived devaluation or rejection is a universal human reaction and that there’s no shame in shame, and
• resolve  to reconnect more effectively — if not to the same person then to others.

What do you do when you experience the shame response to perceived devaluation or rejection?

I think it’s a shame if I don’t share my photos from yesterday.

 

It’s a shame that the last image shows a color copy of a 20 dollar bill and not the real thing.

Here‘s “It’s a Shame” by The Spinners:

 

Knowing that your input is important to others helps dispel the shame response.  Questions?  Concerns?  Suggestions?

It’s a shame if I don’t remember to thank all who helped me create today’s post and — of course! — YOU.

Day 1800: GUILT — Why?

Why is this post titled “GUILT– Why?”

Is today’s post — on the 1800th day of consecutive blogging here at The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally — an examination of why we human beings experience guilt?

Why would I attempt a post of such sweeping scope on a morning when I have only 15 minutes to create it before I need to get ready for work?

Here’s why “GUILT — Why?” is today’s title:

Yesterday, in my office, somebody was trying to figure out why they were experiencing increased feelings of guilt.  The conclusion was that this person was not getting enough sleep and was eating more sweets and carbs.

Why would lack of sleep and a less healthy diet cause more guilt?

I have no guilt about

1. not answering my own questions in this post and
2. sharing my other photos from yesterday.

 

 

 

 

 

Just a reminder … I can find a helpful video on YouTube by searching on my post’s title.

Why should you feel any guilt about leaving (or not leaving) a comment?

GRATITUDE (for all who helped me create this post and for you) — Why?

Just because.