Day 2796: Right and wrong

Members of my family are debating what’s right and wrong regarding our cat Oscar’s end-of-life experience.  Twice I have scheduled home euthanasia for Oscar on a Monday and twice I have cancelled that appointment to allow Oscar to move further along to a natural death.  It’s difficult to tell what’s right and what’s wrong with Oscar, because he

•  continues to engage with us,
• eats a little every once in a while,
• rarely shows obvious signs of pain,
• is very unsteady,
• is so good-natured he rarely complains, and
•  is so wonderful that we want as much time with him as we can get.

It might be right and wrong that I scheduled a phone consultation about Oscar’s quality of life tonight and another home euthanasia visit tomorrow (which I might cancel again).

Michael, Aaron, and I have spent many hours discussing what’s right and wrong with Oscar. We wonder if we are being selfish if we keep him alive and we wonder if we are being selfish if we euthanize him. Right and wrong can be subjective, especially in a situation like this one.

I’ve asked Oscar what’s right and wrong for him, but he hasn’t told me.

Do you see right and wrong in my photos from yesterday?

That last image might show right and wrong ways to respond to a difficult person. With all that’s wrong in the world, it’s right to speak up and effectively act for change.

I sometimes worry that I’m doing wrong even when I’m doing right, so it was nice to get this feedback for my annual review from a doctor I work with:

Ann is the most amazing social worker in Boston. My patients often tell me “Ann is life changing.” She has an ability to connect and help any patient I send her way no matter their story or background. She has had a tremendous impact on even my most challenging complex patients. I would send my own family members to her in a heartbeat. She amazes me more and more each year. I feel so lucky to have her on my team. I have seen her in action a few times (providing therapy to my patients in front of me) and she is clearly a master of masters.
One patient told me “if the world had more Ann Koplow’s it would be a better place. My solution to violence and racism and suffering is to provide each Family an Ann.”

It may not be right for that doctor to claim I’m the most amazing social worker in Boston if she hasn’t met all of them (which she hasn’t), but I defend her right to say it.   I don’t know what’s right or wrong to say about that patient’s proposed solution to violence and racism and suffering.

Here‘s a song that starts with the lyrics “do me wrong, do me right”:

I’ll be lonelier when Oscar leaves us, no matter when or how.  (That last sentence is an “I” statement, a right way to own one’s feelings and minimize defensive reactions.)

There’s nothing wrong about expressing thoughts and feelings, so please express yours in a comment right below this post.

Gratitude always seems right, so thanks to all who help me blog each and every right and wrong day, including YOU.

Day 2440: Angels

Yesterday, I noticed angels — first in my therapy group and then at Tufts Medical Center in Boston.  Do you see the angels in these photos?

Michael is an angel to serve us the best tuna noodle casserole ever and my son Aaron is an angel to help me create the  poster for my Edinburgh Fringe show.

Also, my angel of a nurse, Melanie Marshall (who appears in this post with several other angels) …

… has left Tufts Medical Center, which I found out yesterday at my device check appointment. In case my reading angels want to know whether there was any other disappointment at that appointment, I also found out that my implantable cardiac device has about four more years of life.

Here are some quotes about angels:

You don’t have to be an angel, just be someone who can give.  — Patti LaBelle
In heaven an angel is nobody in particular.  — George Bernard Shaw

Monsters will always exist. There’s one inside each of us. But an angel lives there, too. There is no more important agenda than figuring out how to slay one and nurture the other.  — Jacqueline Novogratz

I do not want to be the angel of any home: I want for myself what I want for other women, absolute equality. After that is secured, then men and women can take turns being angels.  — Agnes Macphail

A good teacher who can take the zero pay and help kids develop physically, emotionally, socially, is literally an angel.  — Eva Amurri

Books are like a mirror. If an ass looks in, you can’t expect an angel to look out.           —   B. C. Forbes
I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.  — Michelangelo

Misfortune is never mournful to the soul that accepts it; for such do always see that every cloud is an angel’s face.  — Lydia M. Child
When we are touched by something it’s as if we’re being brushed by an angel’s wings.  — Rita Dove

I also noticed this yesterday, regarding  a singer-songwriter with an angelic voice:

I am grateful for all the angels in my life, including YOU!

Day 2308: Anger and The Skill of Doing Nothing

Yesterday, in group and individual therapy, several people talked about anger. Those discussions included:

• wishing there were some good role models for dealing with anger,
• acknowledgement that the current U.S. President unprecedentedly expresses anger every day through Twitter or a microphone,
• brainstorming better ways to deal with anger (like walking away, owning the anger, respectfully expressing the anger, or writing angry letters, emails, text, or tweets that one does NOT send),
• recognizing that anger is just another feeling that should not be judged or repressed,
• defining anger as the human response to one’s needs not being met,
• realizing that judging or repressing anger blocks it from being discharged in a healthier way,
• role-playing healthier expressions of anger,
• deciding to deal with the “wish to break something” by going to a dollar store and buying an inexpensive breakable item, and
• considering the skill of doing nothing.

I’m wondering if there will be any anger about the amount and quality of my photos today. If so, please consider expressing that anger in a healthy way.

Harley is contentedly demonstrating the skill of doing nothing.

Here‘s Johnny Duke covering James Taylor’s “Angry Blues:

If I were Johnny Duke, I might be angry about that having only 458 views and nine likes on YouTube. Maybe not, though, because he seems like a very cool cat.

Feel free to express yourself in the comments section, below, or to practice the skill of doing nothing.

I shall now practice the skill of expressing my thanks to all who helped me create today’s post and — of course! — to YOU.

 

 

 

 

Day 1797: Victories

I’m reading about a “major victory” in the news this morning. I’m not as inspired by that as I am by small, unreported victories, like

• an unexpected act of kindness,
• a healing experience,
• a good night’s sleep,
• a small step towards a goal,
• people helping people,
• living a dream,
• peace, or
• any treasured moment.

I was going to post a sing-along for “Ice Ice Baby”, but in a small victory, this song is suddenly and inexplicably playing on my laptop:

Shower the people you love with love.  Show them the way that you feel.  Things are gonna work out fine if you only will.

Thanks to all who contributed to the small victories in this post and to you — of course! — for all your victories.

Day 1685: Together again for the first time

“Together again for the first time” is 

• a phrase that has appeared many times on superhero comic book covers,
• somewhat confusing,
• the title of today’s post, and
• inspired by a photo I took last night when I was together again with Boston’s Fenway Park for the first time sitting in the outfield to see Bonnie Raitt and James Taylor, who were together again for the last time on their current tour. 

The world and I have been together since 1953 and so have the Boston Red Sox and The Jimmy Fund — “the oldest and most successful partnership between a sports team and a charity in the nation.” 

The photos in this blog post are together again for the first time, starting now:

My iPhone and I are together again for the first time today creating this post (because my laptop won’t load my photos) and for some reason, my iPhone is putting my pictures together again for the first time in reverse chronological order. The words in that previous sentence are together again for the first time and I hope it’s the last time, too, because I’m going to the Apple Store today to get my technology together again for the first time in a few months. 

At this point, I need to get myself together again and decide which music goes together with today’s blog. 

If I close my eyes, I can still see James Taylor and Bonnie Raitt singing beautifully together again for the last time on their 2017 tour. 

I’m gathering my gratitude together again, so thanks to all who helped me create this together-again-for-the-first-time post and to you —  of course! — for getting yourself together again to visit here, now.  

Day 1684: What’s the difference between a bad day and a good day?

In last night’s therapy group, somebody was having a good day and somebody was having a bad day. I suggested we all think about and share the differences between a good day and a bad day, which included:

• perspective,
• mood,
• hope,
• helplessness,
• action,
• rest,
• shame,
• awareness,
• self-judgment,
• faith,
• doubt,
• gratitude,
• expectations,
• assumptions,
• self-care,
• isolating,
• connecting,
• the weather,
• the news,
• worry,
• patience,
• anxiety,
• nature,
• guilt,
• technology,
• other people,
• acceptance, and
• being in the moment.

What’s the difference between a good day and bad day for you?

I am now trying to share yesterday’s photos in this post, but it’s no good.  Does that make today a good day or a bad day?  I am choosing to see it as a good day, especially because I’m seeing Bonnie Raitt and James Taylor tonight at Boston’s Fenway Park.

Because my son and I are leaving for Edinburgh, Scotland, a week from tomorrow to share several good days together, I shall try to resolve these photo-loading issues a good day before then.

Here are Bonnie Raitt and James Taylor sharing a Goode song with thousands of people:

Good thanks to all who helped me create today’s good-enough post and — of course! — to YOU.

Day 1637: I’ll buy that

Writing yesterday’s blog post inspired me to buy that ticket to see James Taylor and Bonnie Raitt perform at Boston’s Fenway Park in August. Even though I’ve said, “I’ll buy that!” about lots of concert tickets and many Bonnie Raitt albums and James Taylor CDs, I’ve never seen either of them in person. 

I can’t wait to see them.  Do you buy that?

Do you buy that my boyfriend Michael said, “I’ll buy that!” about one of the items  shown in these pictures?

What do you think Michael bought? Buy the way, I took something away from the yard sale, too.   If you buy into guessing what Michael bought and what I chose,  I’ll provide the answers, by and buy.

Because we recently said, “I’ll buy that!” to a home by the ocean,  we’ll be moving those two things and other things we’ve bought, very soon.

Do you buy that my ex-husband said this to me yesterday?

You’re scary when you’re angry.

I found that difficult to buy, because I never see myself as scary, even when I’m angry. Maybe that’s because I’m a 5’3″ 64-year-old woman without weapons. Do you buy that I LIKED being seen as scary by my ex, who is very big and strong? Do you buy that we both shook hands soon after he said that?

Do you buy that searching YouTube for “I’ll buy that” gets you some “Ocean Front Property” by George Strait?

Do you buy this Fenway Park performance by James Taylor and Bonnie Raitt from two years ago?

I’m now ready for the thing called  comments.

Are you ready to buy my gratitude? Thanks to all who helped me create today’s post and to you — of course! — for buying it.

Day 1636: Like to shine

I like to shine. Do you?  

Like to shine a light on these lyrics, shining through my head:

Like to shine like the sun for one more summer day.

Like to shine like a lighthouse for one last summer night.

Like to shine a guess about what song that is?

Before I shine a light on the answer, like to shine like a camera for some more summer sights.

 

 

“Be the lighthouse” spreads the light on my lyrical question.

I’ll likely see Fenway Park’s lights shine on James Taylor and Bonnie Raitt one summer night.

Like to shine in a comment?  Be the lighthouse and spread your light below.

Like to shine my thanks on  James Taylor, Yogi Tea, Tony’s Clam Shop, artists everywhere,  the sun, the sea, and you — of course! —  for being the lighthouse, here and now.

Day 1633: Tantrums

Rather than have a tantrum, let’s just define it:

tan·trum
noun
an uncontrolled outburst of anger and frustration, typically in a young child.
“he has temper tantrums if he can’t get his own way”
synonyms: fit of temper, fit of rage, fit, outburst, pet, paroxysm, frenzy, bad mood, mood, huff, scene; (informal) hissy fit
“how can you tolerate his tantrums?”

How can you tolerate his tantrums? Good question.  How can we tolerate anybody’s tantrums, including our own?

For example, I sometimes have tantrums when somebody uses the word “pet”  (as in the definition above) for anything other than this:

I’ve also been having  tantrums because Oscar stepped on my computer this weekend and changed the way photos are displayed, making it harder for me to blog every morning.

Can anybody tell when I’m having tantrums? I’m not sure, but I told people at work yesterday that I woke up mad, mad, mad.  Was I having a tantrum when I did that? Actually, I think sharing my feelings prevented me from having a tantrum.

Was I having tantrums when I took these photos?

Okay, now I’m having a tantrum because AS USUAL, I FORGOT TO RESTART MY COMPUTER BEFORE WRITING THIS POST AND THAT’S THE ONLY WAY I CAN ACCESS MY FRIGGIN’ PHOTOS FROM YESTERDAY! AND WORDPRESS ISN’T SAVING MY POSTS AS I’M WRITING THEM THESE DAYS SO THIS IS SUCH A !!&$##!!??!#^&!! PAIN!!!!

Excuse me.  I’ll be right back.

Any tantrums here?

My boyfriend Michael (whose meals are good antidotes for tantrums) has lots of stories about tantrums he’s witnessed in restaurant and hotel kitchens.

Are James Taylor and his son Ben having tantrums in “Angry Blues”?

Feel free to have tantrums in a comment below.

Outbursts of gratitude and fits of frenzied thanks to all who helped me create today’s post and — of course! —  to you.  Without my readers, I’d be having tantrums every day.

 

Day 310: Idiom Challenge # 1

This is the beginning of my post, where I explain the title.

Ready?

In this post:

1. I intend to challenge some idioms I’ve internalized, and
2. I am including a number in the title (#1) because I like numbers, I like indicating beginnings, and I like leaving room for the continuation of a process.

Okay!

Idiom #1: Don’t Change Horses in the Middle of a Stream.

Meaning (according to thefreedictionary.com):

To make major changes in an activity that has already begun; to choose someone or something else after it is too late. (Alludes to someone trying to move from one horse to another while crossing a stream.) I’m already baking a cherry pie. I can’t bake an apple pie. It’s too late to change horses in the middle of the stream. The house is half-built. It’s too late to hire a different architect. You can’t change horses in midstream. Jane: I’ve written a rough draft of my research paper, but the topic doesn’t interest me as much as I thought. Maybe I ought to pick a different one. Jill: Don’t change horses in midstream.

Looking at the last example in that definition: I’m not convinced that Jane should listen to Jill. Isn’t Jane the expert on her own experience? And wouldn’t it be better, for all involved, if Jane wrote about something that interested her?

Before I continue challenging this idiom, let me insert some results of a Google Image search:

(thanks to sheetmusicplus.com) (and by the way, I am not familiar with that Tower of Power tune)

 

(thanks to quoteshd.com for a full page of horse quotes!)

It’s interesting that both images I’ve chosen are related to music. (I love music.)

I got a little distracted, I have to say, by some of the other Google Images that came up for this idiom ….

Hold on …. refocusing ….

… And back to my intention: to challenge this internalized idiom! (And thanks to James Taylor for starting the challenging.)

Here we go:

I’m sorry, but I don’t find this a helpful warning. I just don’t.  It tells me to be afraid of change, of taking control, of doing something different. For heaven’s sake,  we are ALWAYS mid-stream, aren’t we?  And if I never change horses, then I’ll never get a chance to do something different, change direction, ride in a new way, and pursue new goals.

Okay!

Idiom #2:  Don’t toot your own horn.

Meaning?  Let’s go to thefreedictionary.com, again:

To brag. Gary sure likes to toot his own horn. “I hate to blow my own horn,” said Bill, “but I am always right.”

I’m not sure what happened to Jill and Jane, our previous Idiom Players.  Maybe Jane is busy re-writing her paper, and Jill has gone off in a huff, after Jane politely and firmly told her to keep her opinions to herself.

In any case, this time we get Gary and Bill.  And the implication, as usual, is that bragging is risky, if not down-right obnoxious. (See here, for one of several posts I’ve written about bragging, this year.)

Let’s see what Google Images has to show, about this:

(Thanks to  eslculips,com, for the image and further explanation of this idiom. )

(thanks to goproverbs.com, a site that looks at proverbs from around the world)

Again, my second image has started arguing with this idiom, for me.

Let’s see what else I can come up with, to challenge it …

Hey!  How about this poem from Marianne Williamson? I’ve quoted this poem previously this year (see this post), but I can’t imagine a better way to go:

Our Deepest Fear
By Marianne Williamson
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us;
It’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

Thanks to Marianne Williamson, for that glorious challenge.

And before I end this post, I just wanted to say one more thing:

Tower of Power, who created that song, “Don’t Change Horses in the Middle of the Stream”?

Man, those guys sure toot their own horns, and I’m so glad they do!

Thanks for listening, reading, and all of it, today.