Posts Tagged With: goodbyes

Day 2240: What you’re not good at

Even good people seem to focus on what they’re not good at. I’m not sure if that’s good or not.

I’m not good at

  • getting enough sleep,
  • asking for help,
  • saying “no,”
  • remembering details,
  • making a fuss,
  • taking up space,
  • goodbyes, and
  • keeping to myself what I’m not good at.

Do you have a list of what you’re not good at?  If you do, does that do you any good?

If you make lists of what you’re not good at, try to get that list out of your head and down on paper (or a screen) so you can consider challenging the items on the list. For example, when I made that list above, I thought better of adding “planning parties,” even though

  • I’m anxious about planning a party right now,
  • it’s that anxiety which is inspiring this post, and
  • I often say, “I’m not good at planning parties.”

The reason I didn’t add “planning parties” to the list was that when I thought it through, I realized that I don’t have a lot of practice planning parties and also every party I’ve ever planned has turned out fine.   Therefore, it doesn’t belong on the list of “What I’m Not Good At.”  It does belong on the list of “What Makes Me Anxious.”

Also, it’s good to balance out any list of what you’re not good at with a list of what you ARE good at.

I’m good at taking photos to distract myself during stressful times,  like traveling and goodbyes.

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I’m not good at dealing with the cold, and I took that last shot as I was waiting, alone, for my luggage back in Boston. After I had said “Goodbye” (which I’m not good at)  to my ex-in-laws and my son (who remained in Orlando for a little more warmth), I texted them “I miss everyone already!” and my good ex-sister-in-law Deborah sent me this:

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It’ll be good to see my son Aaron again when he returns home from University of Edinburgh in May.

I’m not good at keeping things to myself, so here‘s Disney World’s “It’s Tough to Be a Bug” (which I saw yesterday).  If you’re not good at tolerating bugs, people screaming, or 3-D without glasses, you may not want to watch it.

Let’s assume that you’re good at making comments and that I’m good at responding back to them.

I’m also good at expressing thanks at the end of each blog post to all who help me create them and — of course! — to YOU.

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Categories: personal growth, photojournalism, travel | Tags: , , , , , , | 28 Comments

Day 1677: Moving On

Last night, several people who were moving on to important issues in my therapy group decided to focus on the topic of “Moving On.”

Moving on to words  I shared in that group about “Moving On” …

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As I mentioned there, my friend Jan is moving on to a new place. Yesterday, I was moved to witness people’s reactions to Jan’s moving on.

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While I said “Hip Hip Hooray” to Jan’s happiness about moving on, I and several other people were moved to tears when we said goodbye to Jan.

Moving on to other photos I took yesterday …

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That last photo shows how somebody was moving on to charging people for unsolicited opinions and advice.

Moving on to some music about “Moving On”

 

Thanks to all those whose moving on inspired today’s post and — of course! — to you, for moving on, here and now.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 24 Comments

Day 49: What Helps (Thoughts after a good night’s sleep)

Good morning!

See how polite I can be, after a good night’s sleep?  When I’m well-rested,  I remember to start out with a greeting — a good, welcoming hello to you, my reader.

Welcoming  hellos are something I think about a lot, and have for quite a while. These days, I’ve been thinking about “good” hellos, as I work on making my group-therapy groups “safe enough” for people who join them. (By the way, I  think a lot  about the importance of “good” goodbyes, too.)

Actually, I’m noticing — right now — that my belief in The Importance of Welcoming Hellos has already made several appearances in my blog this year — for example, in two recent posts about “strangers” who are welcoming and kind to me, whether I’m on vacation or at home.

So, I will declare to the blogosphere, right now, that  Heart-Felt Welcomes are a passion of mine. They are important and helpful  to me — whether I am The Welcomer, or The One Being Welcomed.

So, now I’m wondering: What else has been important and helpful to me lately?

Posing that question — what helps? — is one I automatically ask these days (of myself and others).  I believe that  keeping track of what helps is … well …. really helpful.

Sounds like it’s time for a list!

What’s Been Helping, #1.

Music.

Oh, boy, does listening to music help me.  The more ways I can  bring music I love into my life, the better I feel.

It’s really that simple.

I’m not saying that music cures all. But music, for me,  definitely does have that oft-quoted power to Soothe the Savage Breast (or Beast, as a lot of people quote that.)

Okay, even though I’m well-rested, I am now going to digress, people, because that’s the way my mind works. Yes, yes, I  confess! I have A Digressive Mind. And in This Year of Living Non-Judgmentally (at least for today)  I will celebrate that digressive style, rather than judge it!

So now that I’ve warned you about (and celebrated) digressions (essentially digressing before the digression), here’s the digression I had in mind:

I just Googled that expression about music soothing the savage beast/breast, and this is what I found. The full quote, by William Congreve (in 1697!),  is this:

“Music hath charms to soothe a savage breast, to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak.” 

And why did I digress in that way, sharing the original quote?  Two reasons: (1) I’m interested in famous quotes and how they shift in memory as time goes by and (2) I wanted to make a pun about “soft rock.”

But I won’t.

Instead, I’ll return to my pre-digression point of How Music Helps Me, Big Time.

I’ve been making a concerted  (eeek! pun not intended!) effort lately to bring more music into my life, because — more than anything — I know that listening to music helps improve my mood, keeping me happy and healthy.  Indeed, it’s one of my most powerful forms of Personal Medicine.

Years ago,  (actually DECADES ago), I remember going to the yearly Cambridge River Festival and meeting up with a particular Welcoming Stranger who was at that festival. I can’t remember whether he described himself as a psychic or just a Reader of People, but I always remember what he said to me that day:

“You are a person who needs music. If you ever notice that you’re feeling depressed or sad, think about whether you’re listening to enough music.”

And I remember that quirky, somewhat-raggedy-looking, fortune-telling-type guy very vividly — because what he said was absolutely right.

And here’s something I talk to clients about a lot.  Often, even though we know what will help us, we don’t use those things when we most need them. That is, when we’re feeling worse, we don’t do MORE of what would help us feel better …  instead, we do LESS.

And, we often feel shame about that “perverse” behavior — that is, taking less of what would cure us, rather than more.   Which makes us feel worse.  (And we use labels like “perverse” and “stupid” and say things like, “I should know better …”  etc.)

So, as you can see, feeling bad can turn into a kind of downward spiral — as we judge ourselves for doing such a “bad job,” regarding our own moods.

And I’ve been “guilty” of that behavior, too. That is,  when I have felt depressed, I’ve listened to music less, or stopped listening to music entirely.  And that’s been awful.

So, lately, as I’ve been working diligently on reducing judgment and doing Other Things That Help, I’ve been trying to create more and more opportunities to listen to music.  For example, I’ve purchased some Earmuff Headphones  and declared my love for these beauties, openly and often. And, every day before and after work  (if the friggin’ snow allows),  I shun the shuttle bus and walk to and from where I park my car, listening to some of my favorite tunes on my beloved Earmuff Headphones.

And it makes a huge difference.

Time out.

I’m taking a look back at this post, so far. And  I see this:  What Helps #1 has turned out to be a rather long discussion, this morning. And I feel about ready to end this post.

So what to do  — when I start a list like that, write one entry, and want to wrap up the day’s post?

How about this?

What’s been helping, #2.

Balancing my needs with other people’s needs. This has included focusing on what’s going to help me, in the moment.

What’s been helping, #3.

Letting go of mind-reading.  That is, why should I assume that you, my readers, need me to extend this list?

What’s been helping, #4.

Letting go of ideas of perfection. Who says that once you start a list, you have to have more than one entry? Who says a list HAS to have a certain number of acceptable entries (like four or five)?

What’s been helping, #5.

Having faith in the process, and losing my investment in the outcome. In the case of this post, it helps to believe that if I follow my instincts, that a blog post will turn out okay, no matter how long a list might be.

Okay!  Thanks for reading today. (Hey! I did a polite goodbye, too!) (Boy, a good night’s sleep really helps, doesn’t it?)

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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