Yesterday, in my Coping and Healing therapy group, people talked about fear. The discussions included (1) the differences among feeling fearful, frightened, and afraid, (2) fear as one of the primal emotions, (3) the movie Inside Out (which I resolved to watch again before our next meeting), and inviting fear to come in and take a seat while we talked about it.
Do you see fear in any of my images for today?
I never fear sharing the Daily Bitch calendar here.
I grew up on a dead end and I live on a dead end now. Some people don’t like the term “dead end” — they prefer “cul de sac,” which translates from the French to “bottom of the sack. “
I believe that if the current, bottom-of-the-sack leaders in the USA get another term in office, it’s a dead end for the future, hope, civilization, and the survival of the human race.
Maybe that’s why I captured these images yesterday.
“Dead End” from the Quincy Jones album Walking in Space coincidentally showed up in my random Spotify playlist as I was walking by dead ends last night. Here is “Dead End,” which I’ve been listening to for most of my life.
I don’t know how this election is going to end and when it is going to end. I’m already dead with dread and exhaustion, and there are miles to go before I sleep.
Do you see dead ends in these other images?
I’ve had fun before. And worrying about whether the world is approaching a dead end is not it.
Gratitude is the living end, so thanks to all who help me write these posts, including YOU!
Last night, Michael, Aaron (who remains at our home near Boston while he attends his final year at University of Edinburgh online), and I were talking about how politicians were trying to remain in power by using fear. Michael said, “Well, as Joseph Conrad said, ‘When all other feelings are gone, fear remains.’ When I asked, “Doesn’t love remain?”, Michael and Aaron remained agreed as they swiftly replied, “NO.”
As that conversation remains in my heart, head, and soul today, I just googled “Joseph Conrad quote about fear” and found this:
“The wicked people were gone, but fear remained. Fear always remains. A man may destroy everything within himself, love and hate and belief, and even doubt; but as long as he clings to life he cannot destroy fear: the fear, subtle, indestructible, and terrible, that pervades his being; that tinges his thoughts; that lurks in his heart; what watches on his lips the struggle of his last breath.”
― Joseph Conrad
I’m hoping that in the struggle of my last breath, love remains.
There are many quotes from Chadwick Boseman that remain, including this one from the acceptance speech he gave when Black Panther won the award for Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture at the 2019 Screen Actors Guild Awards:
“To be young, gifted and Black, we all know what it’s like to be told that there is not a place for you to be featured,” he said. “Yet, you are young, gifted and Black. We know what it’s like to be told to say there is not a screen for you to be featured on, a stage for you to be featured on.
“We know what it’s like to be a tail and not the head. We know what it’s like to be beneath and not above. And that is what we went to work with every day because we knew, not that we would be around during awards season and that it would make a billion dollars, but we knew that we had something special that we wanted to give the world. That we could be full human beings in the roles that we were playing. That we could create a world that exemplified a world that we wanted to see.”
What remains for you after reading this post?
For me, gratitude always remains, so thanks to all who helped me create this post, including YOU.
… I usually feel fear. Since I’m traveling to New York City tomorrow for a week-long group therapy conference where I’ll be participating in and facilitating groups with many people from all around the world, I’m trying to transform unhelpful fear into helpful caution.
A doctor I know gave me this advice before I left work yesterday:
Wash your hands frequently, use lots of hand sanitizer, and don’t touch anything above your neck.
Don’t touch anything above my neck! How am going to put in my contact lenses?
Is there something you’re having trouble doing, here and now? Take a moment and ask yourself, “What’s getting in the way?”
Is fear part of the answer?
What’s getting in the way of us getting fear out of the way?
What’s getting in the way of my sharing my photos today? What’s getting in the way is my fear that I have only four new photos and 25% of of them include language that might get in the way.
Nothing is getting in the way of my finding two “Gettin’ in the Way” songs on YouTube (here and here).
What’s getting in the way of your leaving a comment?
Nothing is getting in the way of my expressing my thanks to all who helped me get out of my own way to create today’s blog post and — of course! — to YOU.
We don’t know how long the impact of any deed, word, or moment will last, including this one:
Sometimes, I fear that a mistake — like a “wrong” decision — will have everlasting impact. I also hope that compassionate, kind, and loving actions will have everlasting impact.
I believe that people can fear AND hope for everlasting impact.
I wonder how long the impact of these seemingly random photos will last?
Lasting readers of this blog might know that I’m someone who loves tea, my work, and macaroni and cheese. Yesterday, one of my patients brought me A LOT of macaroni and cheese.
fear and its companion — the fight, flight or freeze response — can save us from danger,
however, the level of fear we experience today is based on the realities of the distant past — the danger-filled lives of our cave-dwelling ancestors who lived under constant threat of invading tribes and wild animals, and
that level of fear interferes with modern life.
Here’s a quote from that article:
“Change has occurred so rapidly for our species that now we are equipped with brains that are super sensitive to threat but also super capable of planning, thinking, forecasting and looking ahead,” said Ahmad Hariri, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University. “So we essentially drive ourselves nuts worrying about things because we have too much time and don’t have many real threats on our survival, so fear gets expressed in these really strange, maladaptive ways.”
I don’t want to drive ourselves nuts by spending too much time on that article here, but I recommend you read the whole thing. And I do want to include a few more quotes from the article before another flight into photography.
Consciously activating the more measured, analytical part of your brain is the key to controlling runaway fear and anxiety.
Arresting an overactive amygdala requires first realizing and then admitting you’re feeling uneasy and scared.
“The more you try to suppress fear, either by ignoring it or doing something else to displace it, the more you will actually experience it.”
The amygdala is less apt to freak out if you are reminded that you are loved or could be loved. For example, seeing images of people with frightened expressions is usually a huge trigger for the amygdala, but that response is greatly diminished when subjects are first shown pictures of people being cared for or hugged.
Just as fear can be contagious, so can courage, caring and calm.
How did those photos affect your modern life?
Before you take flight from this post, I will fight to express my main reason for taking that last photo — it reminded me of the song “Our Time” from Merrily We Roll Along:
To make this our time rather than the time of cave dwellers, let’s do our best to focus on courage, caring, and calm.
Modern thanks to all who helped me create today’s post and — of course! — to YOU.
The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally 