Day 835: Am I in Trouble?

I don’t know about you, but I tend to think that I’m in trouble, even when I’m not.

For example, am I in trouble for including this picture of my son Aaron?

When I saw Aaron put that “Day of Silence #SpeakWithSilence” sticker on his forehead before he left for school yesterday, I asked if I could take his photo, and he agreed. However,  I did NOT ask Aaron if I could put the photo in my blog. So, am I in trouble?

Also, am I in trouble or am I troubled that Aaron is leaving home  for 10 days in Italy, starting today?

Was I in trouble yesterday morning, because of lots of unexpected traffic on my way into work?

  

Whenever there’s traffic, I can easily think I’m in trouble. Also, I am troubled by troubling “shoulds”  like

I should have know better and left home earlier.

Am I in trouble for thinking those thoughts or for taking those photos?

Whenever I write one of these daily posts, there’s a point (like now) where I ask myself

Am I in trouble?

… regarding making this a good enough post, for myself and my readers. Then, I let go of troubling thoughts about my blogging capabilities, as I practice letting go of judgmental and other unhelpful thoughts, everywhere .

Am I in trouble because, after several years of using the iPhone, I’m still not used to the touchscreen  keyboard and I still make a troubling amount of mistakes when writing these posts?

Sometimes, I am troubled just by the possibility of a mistake, even though I tend to catch most of them.

Am I In trouble because I took these pictures on my way to work yesterday?

Does my co-worker Jan look like she’s in trouble, as she’s telling me about some trouble she’s having trying to ship presents for a surprise party in Mexico?

Am I in trouble for taking that photo of Jan or for taking this one of her, later?

I told Jan that photo reminded me of most of the photos I take of my boyfriend Michael.

Am I in trouble for saying that? I think not, since Michael rarely reads this blog.

Am I in trouble for including these other photos I took yesterday, at the hospital where I work?

Am I in trouble for sharing those last two photos of Laura — a very talented therapist I supervise? I know I’m not, because Laura knew I was taking them for this blog. Laura is such a nice, non-troubling person that she told me that I would not be in any trouble with her, no matter what I did with those photos.

Am I in trouble because I took these photos before the baseball game at Fenway Park  yesterday, and I didn’t get permission from anybody in them?

              

        

Were any of those people in trouble, because they were so friggin’ close to the shuttle bus I was in?

Am I in trouble because I’m getting a St. Jude Medical CRT ICD device implanted in less than three weeks, especially since the web page calls it a “Heart Failure ICD”?

Actually, I think there’s a chance that device might get me out of trouble.

Am I in trouble with you, for creating such a long post?

I might be in trouble if I don’t include some music. Here’s a song that helped inspire this post, with the line “I know I’m in trouble again”:

I hope Joni Mitchell isn’t in too much trouble, right now.

What do you think of all the trouble in this post?

You might be in trouble if you don’t leave behind a comment, but I doubt it.

One final question: Am I in trouble because it’s tax day in the USA?

Answer: I’ll live.

Non-troubled and (I hope) untroubling thanks to Aaron, Jan, Michael, Laura, Joni, St. Jude, people who work and play in the Fenway Park area of Boston, all those who stand up bravely for important issues no matter how much trouble that means, and to you — of course! — for taking the trouble to visit here today.

Day 241: No worries

I like that phrase, “no worries.”

I’ve heard and read that several times, recently. I’ve started saying it, too.

I believe that worry does not help us.

It does not spur us to action.

It does not solve problems.

It’s the mental equivalent of this:

Last night, at dinner, I said to my boyfriend Michael, “I have a lot of things coming up SOON that tend to make me anxious: a presentation at work, the beginning of a new school year, blah blah blah.*

“I would like to make this commitment  to you.  And to all these other witnesses.” (I gestured to the soy sauce and the other inhabitants of the dinner table.)

“I want to Not Feel Anxious for the next 10 days.”

Michael asked me how I was going to do that.  I said, “I don’t know.  Just NOT do it.  Notice it and put it aside.  Say to myself, ‘Sorry!  That’s not allowed!'”

Michael and I talked about I’ve used this assignment at work: “Scheduling worry.” That is,  I tell people to schedule a time, each week, for worrying (Thursday at 6 PM, say). Then, when worry comes up during other times, they say to themselves, “Nope!  This isn’t the time for that. I’ve got that scheduled for Thursday, at 6 PM.” (Then, when Thursday at 6 comes along, the assignment is to “worry as hard as you possibly can.”)

However, I don’t want to schedule worry.

I just want a break for 10 days.

Michael said he would like to join me in this.  (The soy sauce was noncommittal.)

Would you like to join me, too?

Thanks to small animals who are doing their best to get somewhere, condiments everywhere,  worriers, warriors, and to you, too, for reading today.

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*I actually said, “blah blah blah.”  I like that phrase, too.

Day 113: I am solving problems in my sleep!

Well, I may not be getting a lot of sleep — during this Year of Doing Things that Scare the Hell Out of Me — BUT here’s something I’m noticing:

I am solving problems while I am sleeping.

This is what I mean by that:

All year, whenever I’ve had to do something that scares me (like a presentation, for example) (today!), I wake up in the morning — BING! — with ideas that are going to help me that day.

I wake up with specific ideas about How to Do that Anxiety-Provoking Task.

What are the tasks which have been causing me anxiety this year?

(1) Presentations I am making in front of people at the hospital where I work.

(2)  New therapy groups I am doing with people.

Why are these particular tasks causing me anxiety?

(1) Because they feel new (once I’m practiced at them, I’m not anxious any more) and

(2) They feel important to me.  They matter to me.

The chance for failure — when things feel new AND they are important — that causes my anxiety to go up.

Makes sense, huh?

Thank goodness, for how my brain is working right now!

It helps me have faith in my own process, as I learn and grow this year.

Thanks for reading, today.