Day 2208: Frustration

Yesterday, when I was experiencing some frustration, I noticed that somebody had chosen to express that feeling via the emotions chart on my office door.

I wondered, “Who expressed that frustration?  Was it a patient or a staff person? Why are they feeling frustration?  Are they expressing that frustration to others?  Are they keeping the frustration to themselves?  Do they know they are not alone in feeling frustration?  How do they deal with frustration?” I felt some frustration that I did not know  — and probably would never know — the answers to my questions.

However, I can ask similar questions to you, my readers.

Are you feeling frustration these days?   Do you share your frustration or keep it to yourself?  How do you deal with frustration?

I am feeling frustration with our government, these days.  Am I alone in that frustration?

Also, people in therapy have been expressing frustration about their relationship with food, especially during and after the holidays. I suggest that people NOT beat themselves up about what they’re eating– that leads to greater frustration and more eating to comfort themselves.

In addition, last night at a Board meeting, some of us expressed frustration about ageism, and how people — even those who are sensitive in their use of language about other differences — make jokes about age all the time.  I remember feeling frustration about this when I was in Social Work graduate school, decades ago.  Of course, my frustration with this gets worse as I get older.

After the board meeting, one of the participants shared this video in an email:

Is anybody feeling frustration that I’m taking so long to share my other photos from yesterday?

 

Are people feeling frustration about any of those photos?  I’ll explain the last one — I bought a gelato-filled Panettone for the board meeting.   Nobody expressed frustration about that.

Feel free to express frustration or any other feelings or thoughts in a comment, below.

Thanks to all who helped me create this “frustration” post and to you — of course!

Day 2106: I’m Mad About You

Yesterday, when I was mad/angry/furious, I wrote a new song entitled “I’m Mad About You.”

I’m mad/crazy/nuts about jazz standards and I hope I have the mad/superior/unexpected skills to evoke that musical sound in my latest original tune.

Are you mad about my opening and ending lyrics?

I’m mad about you.

You make me feel blue.

You make me so angry.

And that isn’t new.

.

.

I’m wish I could disappear you.

Never hear or be near you.

Oy, oh boy, the joy to be rid of you.

Because I’m mad, not glad, not sad, just mad about you.

© Ann Koplow 2018

 

Are you mad about any of my many photos from yesterday, when my madly loved Michael and I visited the Adams National Historical Park and downtown Quincy, Massachusetts, USA?

If you were particularly mad about any of those smaller photos, please click to enlarge.

Did you notice any of the mad connections among those photos, like this one?

 

I’m mad about the music and singer of this jazz standard and I’m madly thinking about the lyrics.

 

I’m mad about my readers and hope to get some mad comments on this post.

Mad gratitude to all who helped me create today’s post and — of course! — to YOU.

Day 2066: What I’m not saying

What I’m not saying, here and now, includes many things, because I still have laryngitis.

However, I’m returning to work today, where I will do my best to encourage people to share in therapy what they’re not saying elsewhere in their lives.

Here’s a partial list of what I’m not saying:

• Some people scare me.
• I sometimes fear other people’s anger as well as my own anger.
• I miss my son (who is attending University in Edinburgh) and my late friend Michelle.
• I’m glad to be home.
• When I’m away from work for vacation, I fear  I’ve forgotten what I need to know to be a good therapist.
• When I name my fears, they seem more manageable.
• If I’m confused, I can take a breath and some time to choose the next right thing to do.
• I used to have recurring dreams of not being able to speak.
• Communicating effectively is very important to me.
• I will do my best to say things non-verbally today.

Whenever I put what I’m not saying into words, I feel better. See how it works?

Let’s see what I’m saying and not saying in my photos from yesterday.

 

 

What I’m not saying about that last picture includes this:

1. I’ve had that little book since I attended Berklee in the summer when I was in high school.
2. Those notations include the melody line and some chords for my fourth original song, “Shameless Appeals for Applause.”
3. When I was on a boat in Iceland recently, the man standing next to me was saying that he was proud of his son, who had recently graduated from Berklee.

What I’m not saying includes the fact that in the 1990s, I helped create Berklee College of Music’s recruitment video.  What I’m not saying is that I haven’t figured out a way to share that video here.

I’m not saying which of these “I’m Not Sayin'” performances I like best.

I’m not saying that those are three different songs but I am saying that I found all three on YouTube here, here, and here.

I’m not saying who wrote that song but you can find that out here.

What I’m not saying, until now, includes saying thanks to Gordon Lightfoot, The Replacements, Nico, Oscar, Harley, Berklee, Iceland, all those who are healing the best they can, and — of course! — YOU.

Day 2019: Hey!

Hey!  Do you know the meaning of “hey”?

hey
hā
exclamation
used to attract attention, to express surprise, interest, or annoyance, or to elicit agreement.
“hey, what’s going on here?”
US
used as a friendly greeting.
“I just called to say hey”

Hey!  One syllable can express surprise, interest, annoyance, elicit agreement, or be a friendly greeting. Hey!  How can we know what people really mean when they say “Hey!”?

Hey!  Look at all the photos I took yesterday!

 

Hey!  Those are three people I love.   Hey!  Did you notice that my Primary Care Physician, Dr. Laura Snydman, was running late yesterday?  Hey!  What else did you notice?

Hey! I forgot to include the photo I took after yesterday’s Coping and Healing group, where we focused on feelings.

Hey!  I hope you know that all feelings are accepted here.

Hey!  Here’s “Hey Ya!” by Outkast:

 

Hey!  If you can’t see that VEVO video, maybe you can see this one:

Hey!  Here‘s another live performance of “Hey Ya!”

 

Hey!  I’m grateful to all who help me create these posts and — of course! — to YOU.

 

Day 1926: Taking steps

Yesterday, I started taking steps for a fitness challenge where I work.  I’ve committed to taking at least 10,000 steps every day for the next month.

While I was taking steps yesterday, I was also taking pictures. Now I am taking steps to share those photos.

After taking more than 3,000 steps to get to my office, I took the step to indicate my mood on my new feeling chart.  If you take a few blogging steps back, you’ll see here (in the post Day 1923: Accepting all feelings) that the feeling chart is something people created in a therapy group last week. On Monday morning,  after taking all those steps, I was feeling hope.

After taking about 1,000 more steps at work, I took the step of completing a required online training  — “Security Smart: Keeping Yourself Safe in the Workplace — which included taking steps to deescalate when people are upset.

After taking steps to help many people with many problems (while taking approximately 2,000 more steps around the hospital), I took a step at the end of the day to temporarily change my mood chart.

I believe that taking steps to express and share feelings helps to deescalate those feelings.

After my long work day, I took 3,000 more steps to walk back to my car. At about 9 PM while I was taking steps at home, I reached my daily goal of taking 10,000 steps!

While I was taking steps yesterday, I heard “Steppin’ Out” sung by Kurt Elling.

 

Today, I’ll be taking steps to

• go to work,
• provide individual and group therapy at the Primary Care Practice of a Boston hospital,
• treat people with respect,
• listen to music I love, and
• gather photos for tomorrow’s blog.

If you’d like to take steps to leave a comment, please step down below this blog.

As always, I’m taking steps to express my gratitude to all who help me take the necessary steps to create this daily blog, including YOU.

 

Day 1923: Accepting all feelings

653 days ago (but who’s counting?) I wrote a post titled “Accepting all feelings” wherein I described feelings I was having about open heart surgery.  Yesterday morning, I had many feelings when I kept screwing up my  INR blood test because I was rushing to get to Physical Therapy for my injured shoulder. After my INR home monitor had rejected my THIRD attempt to test a blood sample,  I had so many bad feelings that I lost it.

As I was F-bombing my way around our home, I woke up Michael, who heard this exchange.

Me: F — all of this!  I can’t stand it any more!

Oscar:  Meow!

Me: F— you, Oscar!

Michael thought I had finally lost it because of my feelings about Oscar. And I do have feelings when Oscar sleeps on my injured shoulder, walks and sits on my laptop when I’m trying to blog (like now), gives me love bites (like now), and almost trips me every day when I’m going down the stairs and trying to get out of the house on time. However, I accept that Oscar does these things because he wants to be close to me, which is usually a good feeling.

After I made it to Physical Therapy on time, got help from people at work in capturing an adequate blood sample, and discovered that my INR reading was okay,  it was easier to accept my feelings because they were better.

Soon after that, I facilitated a therapy group where people talked about lots of feelings. I suggested that people work on accepting all feelings by writing down their feelings and illustrating them.

I accept all feelings about my photos from yesterday.

Here’s what I found on YouTube about “accepting all feelings.”

Watching the ocean definitely helps me accept all feelings.

I hope you accept all my feelings of gratitude, here and now.

Day 1824: Why am I feeling this way?

Why am I feeling this way?

Yesterday, somebody in therapy asked that question and then another question about feelings. Because of the way I was feeling, I wrote both questions up on the board.

Now, I’m going to ask myself those two questions.

Why am I feeling this way?

I’m not sure.  It could be the extreme cold, the lack of light, this time of  year, the news, politics, pain I feel when I use my dominant arm, and awareness of other people’s suffering.

What is this feeling?

I’m not sure. It’s probably a mixture of fear, sadness, anger, and empathy.

Now I’m going to ask myself those two important questions, again.

Why am I feeling this way?

I’m not sure. It could be my son, my partner, my family and friends, my work, my blogging community, my home, our cats, and awareness of my other blessings.

What is this feeling?

I’m not sure. It’s probably a mixture of gratitude, happiness, and hope.

Why am I feeling that it helps to ask those questions? Because of my experience.

Why am I feeling this way about these photos?

 

What is this feeling? I’m not sure.  Is “Stop and Smell the Roses” a feeling?

Why am I feeling this way about this video?

What is this feeling?  It’s gratitude for all who helped me create this post and — of course! — for YOU.

 

 

Day 1810: What do you know!

What do you know!  It’s the eighteen hundred and tenth consecutive day of blogging here at The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally.

“What do you know!”  is (according to people who know)

something you say when you are surprised by a piece of information.

What do you know!  I facilitated two therapy groups yesterday where people talked about what they know, including their

• feelings,
• thoughts,
• experiences, and
• choices.

What do you know!  I took these photos yesterday:

What do you know!  When I read out loud what I’d written, directly above, somebody in that group said, “You should start a blog!”

What do you know!  In the other group yesterday, we talked about this children’s song:

What do you know about the feelings in that song?

What do you know! There’s a comment section below where you can post what you know.

What do you know!  I’m ending another post with gratitude to all, including you.

What do you know!  We all make a difference.

Day 1758: When do you feel sad?

Yesterday, when I was feeling sad, I noticed this:

When do you feel sad?

I feel sad when

• I’m missing people,
• I witness injustice,
• other people are sad,
• the days turn dark and cold, and
• I can’t remember things, like other times I feel sad.

When I  feel sad, I

• cry,
• share it,
• take photos to cheer myself up,

 

• listen to music I love,

• and express gratitude.

 

Day 1418: Qualified

Because I’m not qualified to give you an exact definition of “qualified,” here’s how it’s defined online:

qual·i·fied
ˈkwäləˌfīd/
adjective
1.officially recognized as being trained to perform a particular job; certified.
“newly qualified nurses”
2.not complete or absolute; limited.
“I could only judge this CD a qualified success”

Yesterday,  I asked my boyfriend Michael — who is qualified to be a boyfriend, a cook, and (according to one of my doctors) a nurse — how he was feeling. Michael qualified and quantified his feelings like so:

 I am Q fine.

While Michael is more qualified than I to explain exactly what he meant, I can tell you that “Q” stands for “Qualified””  I will also qualify that by explaining that Michael’s “Q” reflects the second definition of “Qualified” above.

Why is my qualified boyfriend responding that he is “Q fine”  lately?  Again, Michael is more qualified than I to describe his thoughts and feelings, but I am qualified to guess that Michael’s feelings are qualified by worries about whether Donald Trump is qualified to serve as our President for the next four years.

I don’t think of myself as a qualified photographer, but some of my readers do. Here are my qualified images from yesterday:

 

I think those photos need to be qualified as follows:

1. My son Aaron and I are both qualified to use FaceTime to communicate while he is away at school in Scotland.
2. Aaron was qualifying many of his remarks to me yesterday while playing with tomatoes.
3. Even though I am a qualified mother, I did not tell Aaron to stop playing with his food.
4. We are all qualified to practice mindfulness, to breathe, and to make time for ourselves.

Am I qualified to pick the right music for today’s post? Yesterday, Michael and I heard beautiful music on the radio played by Nicholas McCarthy, who is completely qualified as a concert pianist despite having been born with only his left hand.

 

How would you qualify your thought and feelings, here and now?  You are the ONLY ONE qualified to truly know and express your own experience.   I declare that as a qualified psychotherapist, mother, and  human being.

I am also qualified to give unqualified thanks where thanks are due — to all those qualified people who helped me create today’s post and to you, of course!