Day 235: Disappointed

This post is dedicated to one of my childhood heroes — Carl Yastrzemski — whose birthday is today.

Yes, I confess.

I woke up this morning and was aware of the feeling of ….

Disappointment.

Disappointment is a human emotion that I love to invite from people in individual and group therapy, but which I often judge in myself.

That’s another rampant epidemic I see in my work: that double-standard of accepting in others what we might judge or disown in ourselves.

Here are some random thoughts, this morning, about disappointment:

1. Disappointment, like anger, might be a signal of not getting needs met.
2. Disappointment might indicate an investment in some outcome.
3. Here’s a movie-moment from one of my favorite actors:

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What helped me, in dealing with disappointment this morning?

I read and liked some posts from other bloggers — some familiar and some new to me –including talktodiana, Mostly Bright Ideas, Awakening to Your Story, findingmyinnercourage, A Year of Rejoicing, Shekhina, morristownmemos, and Whimsical Eclecticist.

By the way, I recently tried to add some new “widgets” to my blog, including one that displays posts I’ve recently liked, and these New Things, so far, have not worked exactly the way I expected or wanted.

So what else is new?

Or, to repeat:

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Anyway, something else that helped, this morning: I followed through with a “commitment” I had made, earlier this year in this blog, to pay bills when they first come in (rather than procrastinating).

And while I didn’t pay a certain bill immediately when it came in, I did pay it, this morning, much earlier than usual.

That’s worth celebrating, don’t you think?

Yay!!!

Okay! So far, this blog post has included some tried-and-true Ways To Move Forward:

1. Identifying a feeling (or thought).
2. Accepting (and perhaps venting) that.
3. Realizing that I am not alone in experiencing this.
4. Seeing this as a possible gift or opportunity.
5. Throwing in some quote (movie clip, comedian, poem, etc.) I really like.
6. Giving credit to others.
7. Giving credit to myself.

Before I end this post, I’ll just include one other Blogging Element I’ve enjoyed using this year: doing a random “spin” in Google Images to see what comes up.

Here are some images I found, doing a Google-Images Spin on “disappointed”:

(above posted by yet another blogger!! — thehonestone)

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Anyway, time to end this post, for the day.

Thanks to Kevin Kline, “A Fish Called Wanda,” Yaz, bloggers familiar and new, disappointments familiar and new, and (but of course) to you, for reading today.

Day 172: Direct communication

What are the words that are difficult to say to somebody else?

Often, it’s when we fear that the other person will have a negative reaction, like disappointment.

Here’s why this issue is on my mind this morning:  Somebody at work had made a difficult decision she needed to tell me about. She was afraid I would be disappointed by what she had to say, so she put off telling me, waiting for the “right time.”

The right time hadn’t come yet.

I asked her about it last night, and found out that way.

That is my least favorite way of finding out something difficult.

So when she answered my question with the disappointing news, I felt stunned. The wind got knocked out of me.  I was direct about THAT, by the way. And she and I talked things through. And it’s all okay.

I’ve been on both sides of this situation: being disappointed and disappointing somebody else. (As you have, too, I assume.)

And, I totally relate to the wish to not disappoint somebody. I’ve also experienced reluctance and procrastination about telling somebody something difficult.

However, I am going to make a strong pitch, right now, for direct communication, the sooner the better.

If we have something difficult to tell somebody, if we fear disappointment as a reaction, let’s try this:

1. Recognize and let go of beliefs that this will damage or destroy the relationship.
2. Remember that other people are not as fragile as you fear.
3. Tell yourself you’ve made a difficult decision, and you’ve done the best you can.
4. Realize that, whatever happens, you’ll learn something.
5. Take a deep breath.
6. Say it.

Let’s see if I can practice this — role model it — right now.

(Internal process of preparation.)

(Deep breath.)

I have nothing more to say this morning.

Day 165: Rejection, Schmejection

Here are the headlines:

HEADLINE # 1.

My son is home, recovering well from the spontaneous pneumothorax.

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HEADLINE #2.

My presentation about my new groups, at a 3-day group therapy conference this weekend —  which I’ve been blathering about for months (here and elsewhere) — has been cancelled, due to low registration.

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When you are upset, down, judgmental, or any other place you don’t want to be, try  this: Distracting yourself.  It works! Here’s proof: Rather than feeling  relief, disappointment, embarrassment, self-criticism,  conference-criticism, pessimism, or optimism, I am now thinking, “What the hell is going on with that cricket? And why?”

Gotta go to the conference.  Thanks so much for reading today.

Day 125: Feelings, briefly

I am writing this post in the evening of a day where I experienced a range of emotions, including:

1. Joy, because I reunited with a childhood friend who is writing a wonderful blog here (and was at least partially inspired by this blog) AND
2. Disappointment, because I realized that my fantasy of giving a “big” presentation in June might not turn out as I wished.

There were lots of other feelings I experienced today, but those are the ones that are standing out for me right now.

Boy, feelings can really get things going, can’t they?  And I don’t know about you, but I am more comfortable with joy than I am with disappointment.

But all the feelings of this day passed through me, just like weather moves through our atmosphere.

Which is great, because now I can be totally present in this moment, and do what I really want to do:

Post a goofy picture.

I took this photo last week, when I was driving through Watertown, MA, a town that has been in the news lately. I saw this Giant Tooth jumping around, apparently trying to sell something. When I pulled over to get a photo of him/her/it, I got two thumbs up.

We both had big smiles, then.

Thanks for reading!