Day 2265: Exhausted

Even though I’m up for anything these days, sometimes I get exhausted, especially on Thursdays, when I

• work from 10 to 9,
• facilitate two therapy groups,
• orient new people for my groups,
• see several people for individual therapy,
• go to a meeting of social workers,
• have about 20 minutes for lunch,
• try to decide whether to look at or avoid the news,
• practice my  latest song, and
• practice self-care.

In one of those therapy groups, a person exhausted by a major and unexpected loss shared that she practices self care by taking breaks, even if it’s a break for a moment.  I wasn’t too exhausted to hear that she had learned that skill in my groups.

I was so exhausted by the end of the day  that I added a new emotion to the emotions chart on my door:

Here and now, I’m exhausted by the possibility that somebody might tell me that “exhausted” is not really an emotion.

Here and now, I’m NOT too exhausted to share my other photos from yesterday.

I hope you’re not too exhausted to share what exhausts you and what energizes you, in a comment below.

Here‘s the late and great Madeline Kahn singing about how exhausted she is in Mel Brooks‘s Blazing Saddles.

I’m never too exhausted to express my gratitude for all those who help me create these daily posts and — of course! — for YOU.

 

Day 1392: Depends

What’s my attitude about life?  Depends on what’s going on around me, how I’m perceiving things, and people I depend on.

How am I feeling as I recover from my recent open heart surgery?  Depends on how much sleep I’m able to get, which depends on how much pain I’m having.

How do I answer questions from myself and from others? Depends on the question, my attitude, my experience, and what I know.

How  do  I come up with a title and topic for each of my daily blog posts?  Depends on what’s happened the day before, usually.

How do I decide which pictures to share here?  Depends on which ones I think you might like.

How well do I quote other people in this blog?  Depends on my memory and what they have to say.  Yesterday, the dependably hilarious, brilliant, and charming Mel Brooks responded to a question from the audience as follows:

Question:  Boxers or briefs?

Mel Brooks:  Depends!

My choice of music for each post depends on several factors. Here‘s the theme song from Blazing Saddles  — the movie Mel Brooks showed and discussed yesterday:

 

Will you comment on today’s blog post?  That probably depends on what you have to say.

I depend on others to create every blog post and on you to read them, so many thanks to Mel Brooks, to my neighbor Karen for driving me yesterday to a realtor’s open house AND to see Mel Brooks, and to you — of course! — on whom I depend more than you know.

 

Day 1294: Alone/Connected

When I was a little kid, I spent a lot of time in hospitals, because of my unusual heart.  Because hospitals didn’t have the heart they have now, they did not allow my parents to spend the night with me.  As a result, I  was frightened and alone, during a time I especially needed to feel connected and protected.

As I’ve grown, I’ve known, intellectually, that I am not alone. But the feelings from childhood persist.

As I’m typing this post now, alone, I’m realizing that I am probably less alone, here and now, than I’ve ever been in my life because of friends, family, doctors, and connections through WordPress.

And yet, it’s so easy for all those people to vanish from my consciousness, leaving  behind that old childhood “knowledge”  of being alone.

Whenever I experience a hospital stay — as I did last week — those feelings of aloneness get retriggered.  Like many other people,  when I feel vulnerable, sick, and in unfamiliar surroundings, I can be much more aware of my aloneness than of  my connectedness with others.  There is something about being alone in a hospital room, listening to the sounds of machines that measure your breathing and pulse, that can bring on a stark sense of isolation.

And yet, even in the hospital, there are always moments when I KNOW I am not alone. Those moments of connectedness include my time on WordPress, every day.

Thanks to my readers, for always reminding me that I am NOT alone.

Yesterday, I felt well enough to go for a walk alone.

When I took every picture yesterday, I felt connected, even when I was alone.

Is there one picture, alone, that stands out for you, as THE image for today’s post?

Originally, I thought I was going to include one musical number, alone:

 

But my own photos inspired  me to connect  to this number

 

and this one:

 

Thanks to all those who helped me connect and feel less alone today, including you!!!

Day 364: What day is it?

I believe this thing to be self-evident:  On the penultimate* day of The Year of Living Non-Judgmentally, I have managed to come up with the goofiest title, ever.

And I’m not being judgmental about that. I happen to think that “goofy” is high praise. (I believe I’ve demonstrated that belief, in this previous post.) Although, one could argue that praise, of any sort, is also judgmental.**

All right, Ann!  Enough with the charmingly (you hope) digressive style! Let’s cut to the chase!  Why do you think that title is goofy?

I think the title is goofy because … it expresses a confusion about the day, after stating what day it is.

Then why in the Wild Wild World of Sports*** did you choose THAT title (after considering several others, as usual)?

Because at this time of the year, I am often confused about what day it is.  There is something about  The Week Between Christmas and New Year’s**** that causes rampant confusion in my brain, about the day.  To add to this, I am taking two days  off from work before New Year’s Day, and routine changes often confuse my sense of time.

I’m assuming I am not alone, in these experiences.

Although I AM alone as I am writing this.

Although that’s not entirely true, either.  How can I say I’m alone?  There’s a cat on my lap.  This cat, to be exact:

That image meets my stringent criteria for posting my own photos here, including (1) I’ve never used it before, (2) it’s in focus, and (3) it is perhaps cute and interesting enough to ameliorate* possible feelings of annoyance at my charmingly (I hope) digressive and inquisitive writing style*****.

Where was I?  Oh, yes, I am not alone. Further proof of that: my 15-year-old son, Aaron, and my boyfriend, Michael, are both here, albeit* asleep.

Hmmm. So what IS this post about, so far?  What are the themes that are already emerging?

Well, confusion is a theme.

And what might confusion indicate, right now?

It might indicate that I need a little more food or sleep.  That’s (always) possible.

However, I think it also indicates that it’s the next-to-last day of the year. Endings — and the approach of endings — can definitely cause confusion, in me.

Perhaps I’m not alone in that, too. Also, confusion is not always a bad thing,  is it?

As I am approaching the end of this post, let’s see if I can find an image that represents “confusion,” right now.  First, I shall check my trusty iPhone. I have no expectations, at this point, whether a photo is waiting there, that will fit the bill.

(….suspenseful pause…..)

OMG!  I’ve struck gold. Not fool’s gold; real gold. The mother lode!  The mother of them all. ***

That shot, which I took last Friday in the hospital cafeteria, not only meets all my criteria for my own photos, it is the perfect representation of the concept “confusion.”   While true perfection may not exist, just look at all the confusion we’ve got there, in one single image. Feast your eyes on all the opposites, dialectics*, paradoxes, and contradictions!

Healthy/unhealthy. Biodegradable/Plastic. Cafeteria food/Salad bar. Dark/Light. Mac & Cheese/Anti-Mac & Cheese.

It’s all there, people! (And you may see more, too.)

Ahhhhhh.  My work here is done.

At least for the day.

Thanks to all my readers, no matter what day you happen to drop by. There’s no confusion here: I appreciate your visit, wherever you are.

---

* One of my favorite words.  I would define it, but I’m hoping the context will clarify its meaning, if necessary. Also, I hope to use this footnote as a running gag throughout the post.

** My good friend Krystal wrote me about that, last week.

*** This is a steal from Mel Brooks. See here for the first (mis-remembered) steal. I can’t find a clip for the second steal, which is from one of my favorite movies, “The Producers.”

**** Yes, Mark Bialczak, I am using this form, for now.

***** At least, in this particular case, among cat people. For people who don’t like cats, all bets are off.