Posts Tagged With: assertiveness

Day 1618: Do your job

When people aren’t doing their job, I’d like to say, “Do your job,” but I have trouble saying that.

For example, last Sunday I was standing at a supermarket counter waiting to order some prepared food  and nobody offered to help me for quite a while, even though they definitely saw me standing there.  Instead of speaking up, I got annoyed.

I shall do my job, now, and try to figure out why it’s difficult to say, “Do your job.”

Maybe I think it’s not my place to say,  “Do your job.”  Maybe I believe people should know what their job is without my having to tell them. Maybe I feel more comfortable being annoyed than annoying others.

Did I do my job there?

When I’ve been trying to do my job, lately, I’ve been dealing with Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo (BPPV).  Rather than asking doctors to do their job and make that go away, I did their job for them yesterday by using this helpful YouTube video by Dr. Carol Foster.

Dr. Foster knows her job (as she says in the beginning of that video) and she does a great job there.

My job as a blogger includes sharing (1) useful information and (2) my recent photos.

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I hope I’m doing a fair job here.

I hesitate to ask you to do your job and leave a comment, but I hope you do.

Thanks to all who help me do my blogging job every morning and to you — of course! — for all you do.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , | 34 Comments

Day 1539: The No List

No. 1.   Here’s The No List that inspired this post:

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No. 2.  The No List on that napkin holder included

  • No high fructose corn syrup,
  • No hydrogenated fats,
  • No added growth hormones in our fresh meat,
  • No artificial preservatives,
  • No artificial sweeteners.

No. 3.   The No List at Whole Foods ended with this:
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No. 4.  My personal No List includes

  • No bullies.
  • No cruelty.
  • No sexism.
  • No racism.
  • No homophobia.
  • No ageism.
  • No regrets about saying “No” in the past.

No. 5.  Here’s a list of quotes about No:

No is a complete sentence and so often we forget that.
When we don’t want to do something we can simply smile and say no.
We don’t have to explain ourselves, we can just say “No”.
Early on my journey I found developing the ability to say no expanded my ability to say yes and really mean it.
My early attempts at saying no were often far from graceful but with practice even my no came from a place of love.
Love yourself enough to be able to say yes or no.”
― Susan Gregg

“Let today mark a new beginning for you. Give yourself permission to say NO without feeling guilty, mean, or selfish. Anybody who gets upset and/or expects you to say YES all of the time clearly doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Always remember: You have a right to say NO without having to explain yourself. Be at peace with your decisions.”
― Stephanie Lahart

“Say no to everything, so you can say yes to the one thing.”
― Richie Norton

“Most women are all too familiar with men like Calvin Smith. Men whose sense of prerogative renders them deaf when women say, “No thanks,” “Not interested,” or even “Fuck off, creep.”
― Jon Krakauer, Missoula: Rape and the Justice System in a College Town

“Whether they’re family or friends, manipulators are difficult to escape from. Give in to their demands and they’ll be happy enough, but if you develop a spine and start saying no, it will inevitably bring a fresh round of head games and emotional blackmail. You’ll notice that breaking free from someone else’s dominance will often result in them accusing you of being selfish. Yes, you’re selfish, because you’ve stopped doing what they want you to do for them. Wow. Can these people hear themselves?!”
― Rosie Blythe, The Princess Guide to Life

“It takes effort to say no when our heart and brains and guts and, most important, pride are yearning to say yes. Practice.”
― Cole Harmonson, Pre Middle Age: 40 Lessons in Growing the Hell Up

“He wasn’t used to people saying no, and Eby felt sorry for him, the way she’d always felt sorry for those who had everything and it still wasn’t enough.”
― Sarah Addison Allen, Lost Lake

“Information overload (on all levels) is exactly WHY you need an “ignore list”. It has never been more important to be able to say “No”
― Mani S. Sivasubramanian, How To Focus – Stop Procrastinating, Improve Your Concentration & Get Things Done – Easily!

“We must say “no” to what, in our heart, we don’t want. We must say “no” to doing things out of obligation, thereby cheating those important to us of the purest expression of our love. We must say “no” to treating ourselves, our health, our needs as not as important as someone else’s. We must say “no.”
― Suzette Hinton

“To exist here, I’ll have to become skilled in saying no—an art in which I was once well accomplished, but one I no longer care to practice.”
― Doug Cooper, Outside In

“It is extremely important to be able to make negative assertions. We must be able to say what is ‘not me’ in order to have a ‘me’. What we like has no meaning unless we know what we don’t like. Our yes has no meaning if we never say no. My chosen profession has no passion if ‘just anyone would do’. Our opinions and thoughts mean very little if there is nothing we disagree with.”
― Henry Cloud, Changes That Heal: How to Understand the Past to Ensure a Healthier Future

“If the person you’re talking with continues to press you for more or can’t seem to accept your answer, then you are being harassed. I know that sounds hard for people-pleasers to accept, but it’s true. No means no.”
― Suzette Hinton

“Many survivors have such profound deficiencies in self-protection that they can barely imagine themselves in a position of agency or choice. The idea of saying no to the emotional demands of a parent, spouse, lover or authority figure may be practically inconceivable. Thus, it is not uncommon to find adult survivors who continue to minister to the needs of those who once abused them and who continue to permit major intrusions without boundaries or limits. Adult survivors may nurse their abusers in illness, defend them in adversity, and even, in extreme cases, continue to submit to their sexual demands.”
― Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence – From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror

“If something is not a “hell, YEAH!”, then it’s a “no!”
― James Altucher

“Sometimes “No” is the kindest word.”
― Vironika Tugaleva

“Learn to say “no” to the good and the advantageous, in order to receive the best.”
― Sunday Adelaja

“In order for us to practice self-control, we must have a goal. We must have something we are saying “yes” to, which necessarily comes with things that we must say “no” to. We use self-control to maneuver ourselves toward this “yes.” This goal must be entirely our own. The minute another person is choosing and managing our goals for us, we have left self-control behind.”
― Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On: Connection Communication And Boundaries.

“When you say no to the wrong people, it opens up the space for the right people to come in.”

― Joe Calloway, Magnetic: The Art of Attracting Business

“Until you learn how to confidently say NO to so many things, you shall always say YES to so many things. The real summary of a regretful life is a life that failed to balance YES and NO. Yes! A life that failed to recognize when to courageously say NO and when to confidently say YES!”
― Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

“NO” is a complete sentence. It does not require an explanation to follow. You can truly answer someone’s request with a simple No.”
― Sharon E. Rainey, The Best Part of My Day Healing Journal

No. 6.   Heres “Say No to This” from Hamilton. 

No. 7.  Too-expensive tickets to Hamilton have been on my No List, so I’ve said “yes” to just singing along to the soundtrack.

No. 8.  Did you know I said yes to more photos yesterday?

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No. 9. Because not sharing is not caring, sharing gratitude is never on my No List.

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Categories: personal growth, photojournalism, self-care | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 48 Comments

Day 1386: Be Audacious

“Be Audacious” seems like audaciously appropriate advice on this audacious Monday in the audacious month of October, 2016.

I mean, so many audacious people are being audacious all around us … why shouldn’t we be audacious, too?

During my audacious recovery from some audaciously recent open heart surgery, I’ve tried to be audacious and focus on my own audacious needs first with doctors and other audacious people in my life. Being audacious in this way has been particularly helpful as I deal with the unexpected and audacious recall of my audaciously important St. Jude pacemaker/defibrillator, which I received 17 audacious months ago.

Indeed, when I saw this audacious flyer, yesterday:

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… I immediately thought to my audacious self, “I shall be audacious and make ‘Be Audacious’ the title and the topic of my next audacious blog post!”

Was I being audacious when I took these  other photos on that same audacious day?

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Which photo is the most audacious of all, in your audacious opinion?

My audacious friend Carol sent me this audacious photo yesterday, via an audacious text message:

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If you are audacious enough to request more audacious info about any of the audacious photos in this audacious post, I shall be audacious enough to answer.

There are so many audacious possibilities for an audacious video here, but I shall be audacious and choose this one, for your audacious pleasure:

I shall now audaciously thank all those who helped me create this audacious post and  audacious you (for reading it)  with one final audacious photo.

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Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 27 Comments

Day 341: Friendly Reminder(s)

The title of this post was inspired by an e-mail I got from somebody, last week.

This person had e-mailed me a question, asking about possible therapy supports for someone. When I didn’t answer back within a day, she sent me another e-mail, starting with the title phrase — “Friendly reminder” — asking for the information again.

I took note of that, because quick responses are something that matter to me, a lot.

I sometimes feel a lot of stress, when I don’t get back to people quickly enough. That’s true at work and elsewhere (including here in the blogosphere, I must confess).

Of course, that leads to the question, “What is quickly enough?”  My supervisor, at work, has suggested that I ease off on myself, and allow myself more time and room to get back to people.  That’s always an important, friendly reminder from her,  because, in my work, a lot of people ask me questions, looking for help, every day. And I CAN’T get back to everybody as quickly as I would like. It’s impossible.

That’s an ongoing struggle for me — to allow more space and time for myself to respond.  I need to remind myself that — while I’m not responding back as quickly as I would like to — it’s the best I can do. I’m only human.

But I struggle with that, a lot.  And when I’m feeling down about myself, I label myself as “not responsive enough.” (And other harsher things, which I won’t name here.) (However, I will direct you to this list, for a friendly reminder about cognitive distortions including “labeling.”)

(Strangely enough, in my two yearly reviews, “responsive” was a word that people used, many times, describing me. That surprised me, each time, because it didn’t match my own wishes and expectations for myself.)

One thing I’ve considered: maybe I want to respond quickly to people because that’s what I WANT FROM OTHERS.

I’m sure that’s true.   And my own yearning for quick responses? It’s based on old feelings and experiences.  When I was a kid, I needed people to respond quickly, when I was in pain, and they didn’t.

I’m sure I’m not alone, in that experience (even though the circumstances may vary).

Another thing I’ve noticed: I’m more forgiving of other people’s non-perfect responsiveness, than I am of my own.

I’m sure I’m not alone in THAT, either.

So, to get back to the beginning of my post:  Somebody, last week, sent me an e-mail saying “Friendly reminder,” when I didn’t respond to her initial request within a day.

And this was my reaction to that:

Wow!

And what did  “Wow!” mean?  Lots of things, including:

  • Gee!  She has some nerve, asking for me to respond that quickly.  Doesn’t she know I have LOTS of requests, every day?
  • I wish I could ask for something I need, with that kind of nerve.
  • That’s really an effective way to express that need. (My proof of that:  my first, annoyed response faded within seconds).
  • Obviously, her need was more critical than I realized at first.
  • I want to learn from her, and use that phrase when I’m feeling the need for a quick response.

And then I responded back to her, very quickly, and I was happy to do so.

Okay!  It’s time to look for photos on my iPhone, to adorn this post before I end it.

Actually, when I take a photo, it’s a friendly reminder to self: “Share this image with somebody, some day.” I do give myself space and time, with those reminders.  I don’t pressure myself. I know I have all the time I need, to decide when to share those images.

Here are the photos whose times have come, today:

Friendly Reminders: A Photo Essay

by Ann

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That photo is a friendly reminder that our last Argentine Tango lesson is coming up, this Wednesday.  That’s Chloe, the instructor’s dog, who has been attending dance classes for many years. Because she’s watched so many dancers, I’m assuming Chloe may be better* at the Tango than I am, at this point.

Friendly reminder to self: Decide whether to sign up for more tango lessons.

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When I was walking around the hospital where I work, yesterday, I saw this at somebody’s work station and quickly snapped this photo.  That flower looks blurry, not just because of my hurriedness in taking the photo, but also because that friggin’ flower was DANCING.  There was no sound or music of any kind, but that flower just wouldn’t stop.

Friendly reminder: When people are doing challenging work, with no windows in sight, it helps to remember flowers. And dancing, too.

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Here are the plants outside my office, photo also taken yesterday.  If you look at the far right of that photo, you may be able to see the bird that appeared in a previous blog post, here.

Friendly reminder: the holidays are approaching.

Last photo, taken before I started this post this morning:

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Friendly reminder: More snow is coming soon, to many neighborhoods near me.

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Thanks for reminders — friendly and otherwise — and for all of you reading today.

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* For those of you who are keeping score on Cognitive Distortions, there’s another one: Comparisons.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

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