Posts Tagged With: anger

Day 2106: I’m Mad About You

Yesterday, when I was mad/angry/furious, I wrote a new song entitled “I’m Mad About You.”

I’m mad/crazy/nuts about jazz standards and I hope I have the mad/superior/unexpected skills to evoke that musical sound in my latest original tune.

Are you mad about my opening and ending lyrics?

I’m mad about you.

You make me feel blue.

You make me so angry.

And that isn’t new.

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I’m wish I could disappear you.

Never hear or be near you.

Oy, oh boy, the joy to be rid of you.

Because I’m mad, not glad, not sad, just mad about you.

© Ann Koplow 2018

 

Are you mad about any of my many photos from yesterday, when my madly loved Michael and I visited the Adams National Historical Park and downtown Quincy, Massachusetts, USA?

If you were particularly mad about any of those smaller photos, please click to enlarge.

Did you notice any of the mad connections among those photos, like this one?

 

I’m mad about the music and singer of this jazz standard and I’m madly thinking about the lyrics.

 

I’m mad about my readers and hope to get some mad comments on this post.

Mad gratitude to all who helped me create today’s post and — of course! — to YOU.

Categories: original song, personal growth, photojournalism, travel | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

Day 1770: What are you afraid of?

What are you afraid of?

Within the last week, I’ve heard about people who are afraid of

  • the dark,
  • heights,
  •  war,
  • people who abuse positions of power,
  • the media,
  • molesters,
  • being seen as a molester,
  • the police,
  • world leaders,
  • science,
  • ignorance,
  • doctors,
  • dentists,
  • infections,
  • sickness,
  • aging
  • death,
  • taxes,
  • failure,
  • success,
  • school,
  • working too much,
  • working too little,
  • making mistakes,
  • driving,
  • bicyclists,
  • loss,
  • certain thoughts,
  • certain feelings,
  • feeling too good,
  • going outside,
  • staying inside,
  • action,
  • inaction,
  • the weather,
  • being alone,
  • crowds,
  • social events,
  • marriage,
  • divorce,
  • becoming less attractive,
  • becoming an adult,
  • men,
  • women,
  • cats,
  • dogs,
  • mice,
  • bugs,
  • snakes,
  • phones,
  • cotton balls, and
  • peaches.

Is anyone afraid of any of these photos?

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I’m afraid that one major emotion is missing from that Time special edition cover.   Are they afraid of anger?

Here‘s how to let go of pain/fear/anger in 60 seconds.

 

Are you afraid of leaving a comment?  I hope not.

What am I afraid of?  Heights, the dark, the cold,  and forgetting to express gratitude to all who help me create these posts and — of course! — to YOU.

 

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Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 32 Comments

Day 1739: Facial Expressions

One thousand, two hundred and forty-five days ago, I wrote another blog post titled “Facial Expressions.”  My facial expression would be happy if you read that blog post.  Heck, my facial expression would be happy if you read any of my blog posts.

Yesterday, I drew this  facial expression:

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Pointing to the bottom face, I asked my boyfriend Michael if he knew who that was.   His first tentative guess was “Me?”  My facial expression, in response to that, was probably disbelief, because I have never seen that expression on Michael’s face. His second guess, which was correct,  was somebody we both know.

How would you describe that facial expression?  It’s the  expression I most dread seeing on other people’s faces.

I wonder what expressions were  on my face, just now, when I realized that most of my other photos from yesterday show facial expressions.

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To improve my facial expressions recently, I’ve been listening to the score of “Merrily We Roll Along” by Stephen Sondheim (whose facial expression can be found here).  Here‘s a “Merrily We Roll Along” YouTube video that shows many facial expressions.

Those were the facial expressions I saw TWICE on the stage of the Huntington Theater in Boston.  Now you know.

I hope you know that all expressions are welcomed, below.

My facial expression, here and now, is gratitude for all who helped me create this post and — of course! — for YOU.

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Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 31 Comments

Day 1637: I’ll buy that

Writing yesterday’s blog post inspired me to buy that ticket to see James Taylor and Bonnie Raitt perform at Boston’s Fenway Park in August. Even though I’ve said, “I’ll buy that!” about lots of concert tickets and many Bonnie Raitt albums and James Taylor CDs, I’ve never seen either of them in person. 

I can’t wait to see them.  Do you buy that?

Do you buy that my boyfriend Michael said, “I’ll buy that!” about one of the items  shown in these pictures?

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What do you think Michael bought? Buy the way, I took something away from the yard sale, too.   If you buy into guessing what Michael bought and what I chose,  I’ll provide the answers, by and buy.

Because we recently said, “I’ll buy that!” to a home by the ocean,  we’ll be moving those two things and other things we’ve bought, very soon.

Do you buy that my ex-husband said this to me yesterday?

You’re scary when you’re angry.

I found that difficult to buy, because I never see myself as scary, even when I’m angry. Maybe that’s because I’m a 5’3″ 64-year-old woman without weapons. Do you buy that I LIKED being seen as scary by my ex, who is very big and strong? Do you buy that we both shook hands soon after he said that?

Do you buy that searching YouTube for “I’ll buy that” gets you some “Ocean Front Property” by George Strait?

Do you buy this Fenway Park performance by James Taylor and Bonnie Raitt from two years ago?

I’m now ready for the thing called  comments.

Are you ready to buy my gratitude? Thanks to all who helped me create today’s post and to you — of course! — for buying it.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 35 Comments

Day 1635: Whatever it is, love it.

Whatever my daily blogging topic is, I love it.

Whatever my emotion is, I love it.

Whatever the day brings, I love it.

Whatever people say to me, I love it.

Whatever I see, I love it.

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Whatever irony there is, I love it.

Whatever I hear, I’m perfectly free to love it.

Whatever you think about this post, I love it.

Whatever gratitude I express to those who help me blog daily and — of course! — to you, my readers, I hope you love it.

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Categories: group therapy, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 24 Comments

Day 1633: Tantrums

Rather than have a tantrum, let’s just define it:

tan·trum
noun
an uncontrolled outburst of anger and frustration, typically in a young child.
“he has temper tantrums if he can’t get his own way”
synonyms: fit of temper, fit of rage, fit, outburst, pet, paroxysm, frenzy, bad mood, mood, huff, scene; (informal) hissy fit
“how can you tolerate his tantrums?”

How can you tolerate his tantrums? Good question.  How can we tolerate anybody’s tantrums, including our own?

For example, I sometimes have tantrums when somebody uses the word “pet”  (as in the definition above) for anything other than this:

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I’ve also been having  tantrums because Oscar stepped on my computer this weekend and changed the way photos are displayed, making it harder for me to blog every morning.

Can anybody tell when I’m having tantrums? I’m not sure, but I told people at work yesterday that I woke up mad, mad, mad.  Was I having a tantrum when I did that? Actually, I think sharing my feelings prevented me from having a tantrum.

Was I having tantrums when I took these photos?

Okay, now I’m having a tantrum because AS USUAL, I FORGOT TO RESTART MY COMPUTER BEFORE WRITING THIS POST AND THAT’S THE ONLY WAY I CAN ACCESS MY FRIGGIN’ PHOTOS FROM YESTERDAY! AND WORDPRESS ISN’T SAVING MY POSTS AS I’M WRITING THEM THESE DAYS SO THIS IS SUCH A !!&$##!!??!#^&!! PAIN!!!!

Excuse me.  I’ll be right back.

Any tantrums here?

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My boyfriend Michael (whose meals are good antidotes for tantrums) has lots of stories about tantrums he’s witnessed in restaurant and hotel kitchens.

Are James Taylor and his son Ben having tantrums in “Angry Blues”?

Feel free to have tantrums in a comment below.

Outbursts of gratitude and fits of frenzied thanks to all who helped me create today’s post and — of course! —  to you.  Without my readers, I’d be having tantrums every day.

 

Categories: blogging, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 39 Comments

Day 1509: What pisses you off?

Last night, people in my therapy group (who do not piss me off) were pissed off about several things, including the weather, politics, useless meetings, insensitive people, pain, greed, and technology that doesn’t work right. As a result, we made lists of “What Pisses You Off?”

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What pisses you off?

It pisses me off when I don’t take photos of people I love, including my wonderful college roommate Marcia  (who met me for dinner last night after my group).

Is there anything that pisses you off in my other photos from yesterday?

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For some reason, this song pisses me off:

It pisses me off when people don’t express gratitude, so thanks to all who helped me create today’s post and to my readers — of course! — who never piss me off.

 

Categories: group therapy, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , | 36 Comments

Day 296: The other side of containment

“The other side of containment.”

That was the title on my mind, when I woke up today.

And I just want to warn you: it’s going to take me a while to work back to that title.

So let’s digress together, shall we?

I’ve blogged a lot about cognitive distortions, this year, including this one:

Shoulds. We have ironclad rules about the behaviors of ourselves and other people.  For example, “I really should exercise. I shouldn’t be so lazy.” A more effective way to motivate ourselves is to identify positive results, rather than whipping ourselves with guilt.  For example, “When I exercise, I feel better.”

I’ve seen “shoulds” do a lot of damage to people; and yet, people naturally think those thoughts.

There is a particularly nasty form of “should”-ing, related to feelings.

Two examples:

I shouldn’t feel this way.

I should be over this, already.

As I’ve written before, cognitive distortions are human, so I assume that you have thoughts like those. I know that I do.

So they’re human. Yet, I have never experienced a helpful “should” thought, about feelings.

And that sentence I just wrote? That fits the “duck test” for another cognitive distortion:

All-or-Nothing thinking (also known as “Black-and-White thinking”).

Things are either all good or all bad, people are either perfect or failures, something new will either fix everything or be worthless. There is no middle ground; we place people and situations in “either/or” categories, with no shades of gray, or allowing for complexities.  Watch out for absolute words like “always”, “never,” “totally,” etc. as indications of this kind of distortion.

It was the word “never” in my sentence,  that tipped me off.

However, that sentence IS also the truth. I have never experienced a helpful “should” thought, about feelings.

I think it’s time for me to re-approach my topic, for today:

The other side of containment.

Why was that on my mind, this morning?

Because I have been having some difficult feelings lately. And I often hear people talk about containing difficult feelings.

What are the difficult feelings I’ve been having?

Fear, for one.

It’s time to go to my old friend, Google, for images about fear:

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Speaking of fear,  I fear,  right now, that I won’t be able to complete this post before I need to leave today.

And why am I afraid that I won’t finish in time? Because fear wasn’t the emotion I was intending to write about.

Here’s the emotion I planned to tackle, this morning:

anger

But it’s more difficult to write about anger. At least it is for me.

I have some fear about anger, people. And I know I’m not alone in that. Here’s  some immediate evidence, from the Google Image Buffet:

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Here’s a particular fear I have, about anger: I fear that I (and others) judge and disown our anger.  And I think THAT can be dangerous.

When I see that fear of anger in others, sometimes I respond by saying:

Anger is just one of the basic human emotions.

Anger is the human response to not getting our needs met.

And I hope that’s helpful.

But what does this all have to do with containment, my alleged topic for the day?

Here’s what:

When I was hospitalized as a young child, I got some messages that anger and fear were not okay.   I got the sense that people did not want to see — or deal with — any anger or fear I might have about what was happening to me.

Therefore, I believed  (whether or not the messages were really there) that I needed to contain those feelings.

In this blog, I have written about several containers, for feelings and thoughts (like here and here).  And those containers can be useful, for sure.

However, I will say this:

When  a therapist talked to me, recently, about the technique of imagining a container for difficult feelings, I replied, “Personally, I would need such a  container to be open.  I wouldn’t want to believe that I have to close off my feelings, no matter how difficult they are.”

Therefore, I imagined a container, like this:

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but opened, like this:

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And that seemed like a good idea.

Before I end, I want to mention/brag about one more thing.

I am going to Game One of the World Series, tonight!

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Earlier this morning, I had this thought about that:

What’s the matter with you?  You should be ecstatic!

There it is, again: another “should” thought about feelings.

Earlier this morning, I also had the urge to yell, to get some anger out. And I thought, “I can’t do that!!”

But what about this, as a solution?

I’m going to the World Series tonight! What better place to yell??!!?

YAY!!!!!!!!

Much better.

Thanks* to the Boston Red Sox, the St. Louis Cardinals, to containers of all kind, to people who have fear and anger, and to you, too, for visiting today.

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Also, for the images, to theguardian.com (for the “fear face” and an interesting article), chrisperruna.com (for another “fear face” and interesting article), HowStuffWorks, rozsavage.com, Rebuilding Divorce Recovery, and what-buddha-said.net.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Day 260: DOA (Dread of Anger)

This is a question I’ve been asking myself lately:

Why do I have so much dread about the possibility of other people getting angry at me?

It really doesn’t make sense.

How can I figure this out?

Let’s start with a definition of the word “dread”:

dread (drd)
v. dread·ed, dread·ing, dreads
v.tr.
1. To be in terror of.
2. To anticipate with alarm, distaste, or reluctance: dreaded the long drive home.
3. Archaic To hold in awe or reverence.
v.intr.
To be very afraid.
n.
1. Profound fear; terror.
2. Fearful or distasteful anticipation. See Synonyms at fear.
3. An object of fear, awe, or reverence.
4. Archaic Awe; reverence.
adj.
1. Causing terror or fear: a dread disease.
2. Inspiring awe: the dread presence of the headmaster.
[Middle English dreden, short for adreden, from Old English adrdan, from ondrdan, to advise against, fear : ond-, and-, against; see un-2 + rdan, to advise; see ar- in Indo-European roots.]

When I use the word “dread,” I’m usually thinking of definition #2 (“to anticipate with alarm, distaste, or reluctance”) rather than definition #1 (“to be in terror of”).

But maybe all definitions apply, because sometimes I CAN feel terror about other people’s anger.

And that doesn’t really make sense, because — unlike a lot of other people I know — I’ve never (in person) witnessed the traumatic results of violent anger against another human being.

I’m very lucky, that way.

So why so much dread about other people’s anger?

Here’s a piece of data: I don’t feel that Dread Of Anger all the time.

As a matter of fact, I like telling people in therapy that all of their feelings — including anger — are welcome. And, when people have gotten angry in therapy, I have authentically experienced those times as helpful for all involved.

Hmmmmm.

I don’t know if I’m going to figure this out today. And I’m going to have to leave for work, very soon.

I’m still baffled by my Dread of Anger.

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(If you’re baffled by that photo, see here.)

However, at least I took a first step, this morning, by posing the puzzle in public.

Thanks to Andy Rooney, to other people who have posed (or are otherwise dealing with) puzzles, and to you, for reading today.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Day 242: Volleying

When I was in Junior High School  (“Middle School” to the younger generations), my friend Suzanne taught me how to play badminton.

I don’t think Suzanne and I played according to the rules.  I don’t remember if there was ever a net in her backyard.

But I do remember hanging with my best friend for what seemed like hours, hitting that badminton thingie back and forth.

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(Badminton thingie, otherwise known as shuttlecock, shuttle, or bird.  What we called it back then?  A “birdie.”)

Volleying back and forth.  Hitting the birdie.  Missing the birdie.

It wasn’t competitive.  There were other games I played, like word games, where I felt competitive. But not badminton.

Playing badminton with Suzanne felt special to me, for lots of reasons.

I had recently gotten my first cardiac pacemaker.  And because pacemakers were so new then, the doctors put lots of restrictions on me.

For example, I couldn’t take gym.

Believe me, I saw the advantages of THAT (I wasn’t stupid, people!)  Plus, people kept saying to me, every Gym Day:  “You are SOOOO lucky.”

But being kept out of Gym Class had an effect on me.  I felt different.  Non-athletic.

So that was an added sweetness to those times spent with Suzanne, volleying back and forth.  I could keep up with her.  We were both just badminton players.

She didn’t seem to mind playing with me.  She didn’t get impatient, or want to play with somebody better.

We were equally matched.

My intention, this morning, was to briefly refer to Suzanne and badminton, only as a way to introduce “what I really wanted to write about this morning.”  Instead, I’m glad I had the patience to linger in that moment of memory.

What I really wanted to write about? How I’m getting better at the “A-word” these days.

Anger.

I thought of the badminton analogy this morning, when my boyfriend and I got annoyed at each other, expressed that in a few volleys, and then …..

I laughed.

Why did I laugh?  From the sheer pleasure of

  1. having allowed myself to feel and express anger to somebody I love, whom I might otherwise be afraid of losing.
  2. not taking his responses entirely personally, and
  3. seeing the humor in the moment.

It wasn’t competitive.

We played by the rules.  (For example, no throwing. No name calling.)

We engaged, and then it was over.

We were equally matched.

I like volleying.

It’s fun!

That concludes our blog post for this morning, ladies and gentlemen.

Thanks to Suzanne,  Michael, birdies, and patient people everywhere — including you, my readers!

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , | 2 Comments

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