Day 3010: Add a positive word

I wasn’t sure what positive words I wanted to add to this post this morning until I saw this on Twitter:

Even (or especially) during difficult, uncertain, and anxiety-provoking times, it helps to add a positive word.

What positive word would you add to the jar? You can add that positive word to the comments section, below.

Now it’s time for me to add positive images to this post.

I considered adding the positive word “awareness” instead, but I want to put in a positive word for acceptance. In therapy, I often say that acceptance is the first step to change — you need to recognize and accept where you are, even if you don’t like it — before you can take the next step forward.

Here’s what I find on YouTube when I search for “add a positive word”:

That reminds me of an exercise I did with my family decades ago when we all added positive words about each other on paper. After our move to our home by the ocean, I’ve lost track my piece of paper, but the positive words are where they belong — in my heart — even if some family members are gone.

I also think I added those positive words to this blog, somewhere.

I’m positively giddy that I found some of them by searching for “family exercise,” here.

Positive words are out there. Strangely, those are often hard to accept.

As always, I add a positive word to the end of each post.

Day 2987: Fake

Why, for fake’s sake, would I write a post about “fake” when authenticity is so important to me?

Maybe “fake” has something to do with today’s Daily Bitch calendar.

Maybe it’s because I saw this fake swan yesterday.

I’m not being fake when I write that many people fear that others are being fake when they give them very positive feedback. I hear this in therapy and I thought about it last night when I got these compliments, via ZOOM chat, after performing “Vaccinated Women” at an Open Mic:

I sincerely doubt I could fake my way onto a Boston TV show. I think I need a new manager, instead of the fake one I have now:

Harley doesn’t even fake an interest in making me famous.

Do you see “fake” in any of my other images from yesterday?

You don’t have to pfake, I mean fake, your reaction to my performance of “Vaccinated Women” last night.

And I am never being fake when I express gratitude to all who help me create this daily blog, including YOU!

Day 2255: Unbelievable

It’s unbelievable that I’ve never written an “unbelievable” post before, especially during these unbelievable times.

Would you believe me if I shared what inspired today’s unbelievable post?

That unbelievable scale was on my office white board to greet me on my return back to work yesterday after an unbelievable week in Los Angeles.

It’s unbelievable to me that there are so many new friends out there for me to meet. Here’s an email exchange I had with my new friend Don (featured in this unbelievable blog post from two days ago):

Ann,

It was great meeting you last evening at Dynasty! I hope you had a great and safe journey home!

Here is a link to download your set from The Tomorrow Show.

Let me know when you have it downloaded properly and that t works for you, as I’ll have to clear that space on my Box Drive.

I’m excited to start reading your blog too. You gave me a lot of good stuff to think about yesterday!

All the best,
Don

 

Don!

Thank you so much for sending this and for your kindness and welcoming good nature yesterday. I am home safe and sound if somewhat psychotically overtired.  I believe I did download the video properly  so feel free to delete it.  And here is my blog post for today with a proper photo of you:

https://annkoplow.wordpress.com/2019/03/03/day-2289-every-object-has-a-story/

Day 2289: Every object has a story I hope you don’t object to the idea that every object has a story, including all the objects in the photos I took during the last day and night of my week-long visit to Los Angeles: I go for … annkoplow.wordpress.com

All the best,

Ann

 

Ann,

I’m glad you made it home safely, albeit filled with psychotic fatigue! I’m honored I made your blog!

FYI Adrian and the other folks also remarked that you were an awesome lady so feel free to be flattered (but don’t let it go to your head)!

All the bestest foreverest and stay in touch!

Don

 

These days I’m letting compliments go to my head and I would advise you to do the same, my awesome new friend.

All the best,
Ann

 

Well, you are a professional so that’s sound advice!

Best,

Don

 

I wonder if Don, if he does read this blog, will find it unbelievable that I shared our email exchange. I’m doing so because I find it unbelievable that people worry about compliments going to people’s heads (including their own). I will repeat that unbelievable advice for you, here and now: please let compliments go to your head. It’s unbelievable to me that believing compliments could harm our heads in any way.

Let’s see if there’s anything unbelievable in the  new photos I am sharing with you today.

 

That unbelievable list of topics was written by an unbelievable social work intern named Nat who facilitated my Thursday evening therapy group while I was away.  Nat is an intern with unbelievable therapy skills and also an unbelievable song-writer and musician.  I asked Nat if he would co-write an unbelievable song with me titled “Nobody’s Perfect,” which we are going to rehearse and perform at next month’s open mic.  Unbelievable!

Here‘s “Unbelievable” by EMF:

 

Here’s “Unbelievable” by Owl City featuring Hanson:

 

It’s unbelievable that I can’t figure out which Hanson is featured in that second song.

Many people are finding it unbelievable that Luke Perry died yesterday at age 52.What’s unbelievable to you, here and now?

If you find it unbelievable that I am grateful, day after day, to all those who help me write these unbelievable blog posts and  grateful to those who read them (including you), believe it, baby!

Day 1627: Love, Validation

As I was reading the news online this morning, I felt many painful emotions. Then, I saw this headline:

Two-Headed Porpoise Just Wants Love, Validation

And I thought, “That two-headed porpoise is just like us.”

I just want love, validation for these photos I took recently.

Did you notice any love or validation in those pictures?

I looked for love, validation on YouTube and found this …

and this:

I wonder: will there be any love, validation in the comments for this post?

Love, validation, and thanks to all who helped me create today’s blog and — of course! — to YOU.

Day 1204: Yipes!

Yipes!

is something people say when they’re

• surprised,
• scared, or
• amazed.

Every day, I have reasons to say

Yipes!

because life can be surprising, scary, and amazing.

Yesterday, I was surprised, scared, and amazed because

• I spent a beautiful Sunday discussing membership with other group therapists and didn’t resent being indoors,
• several people mentioned that somebody they cared about had recently died unexpectedly, and
• I got a lot of praise for my contributions to the success of the day.

What makes you say “Yipes!”? How about the photos I took yesterday?

 

Yipes!  I didn’t know that Yipes! was an American rock band from Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

You can find Yipes! singing “Blink of an Eye” here on YouTube, with several Yipes!-inducing lyrics including:

Where does the time go?

Yipes! Where does the time go?  It’s time for me to end today’s post.

Yipes!  I almost forgot to thank Yipes, group therapists, and you — of course! — for visiting, here and now.

Day 1158: Help is on the way

Here’s a sign I encountered yesterday at Boston’s Tufts Medical Center, when I was on the way to see my helpful cardiologist, Dr. Deeb Salem.

Even though that light wasn’t flashing,  help was on the way for me, including this opinion from Dr. Salem:

I think you’re doing really well.

While that and other help from Dr. Salem was on its way, I didn’t take any photos of him, which cannot be helped. If you want to go out of your way to see pictures of Dr. Salem, there’s help in some previous posts (including here, here, and here).

Earlier in the day,  during my therapy group, help was on the way for several participants who have trouble accepting good news and compliments.  People helped each other get beyond barriers to taking in the positive. As always, it was helpful to flash reminders to each other that negatives stick more easily than positives, as we go on our way.

If you want to see more photos from yesterday, help is on the way!

Did this flashing post give you any help on the way?

Helpful thanks — to Dr. Salem, to people who heal in groups, and to you (of course!) — are on the way, here and now.

 

Day 1102: Surprising

Yesterday, it was surprising to me that somebody described me as “surprising” during a group therapy exercise.

I’ve been surprising people with group therapy exercises for a surprising number of years.  Because yesterday’s group therapy exercise  was new to all  the participants, they found it surprising how useful and moving it was.

I shall now explain, in surprising detail, yesterday’s group therapy exercise:

1. People wrote down, on a single sheet sheet of paper, negative and unhelpful beliefs about themselves, which they’ve been carrying around for a surprising long time.  (See here for a definition of “labeling” — a  surprisingly common and toxic cognitive distortion.)
2.  It was surprising to me how many of us wrote down the words “weird” and “stupid” for this part of the exercise.
3. People shared their negative self-talk with others in the group, who found it surprising how harshly the other members judged themselves.
4. The group participants ripped up and threw away, in the trash, their negative descriptions, surprising themselves with how great that felt.
5. Without any instruction from me, surprising and strong applause greeted every trashing of old, negative self-talk.
6. It was probably surprising to the participants when I next instructed them to write down positive descriptions of themselves and/or others in the group.
7. It’s not surprising to me that people find it much easier to write down positive descriptions of other people than to write down positive descriptions of themselves.
8. It was surprising to every group member how many positive things others wrote about them.

I hope it’s not surprising that I will gladly clarify any aspect of that exercise, if you wish.

Here are some surprising images I captured after yesterday morning’s surprising group therapy session:

Which of those are most surprising to you?

Here’s my final thought about “surprising”: It’s not surprising to me that surprising and wonderful changes can occur when people are surprised by more positive images of themselves.

Surprising thanks to all the surprising people, cats, and dogs that helped me create today’s surprising post and special thanks to you — surprise! — for reading it.

 

Day 1069: Your name here

Have you ever experienced people using your name as an adjective or a noun, implying they see you a certain way ?

Me neither, until yesterday, when it happened TWICE.

The first time was when one of my therapy patients said this about a relative of hers:

I think she needs an Ann in her life.

The second time was when my friend Carol said this, when I told her I was trying out for “The Voice” in February:

That’s a very Ann thing to do.

How can I know, for sure, what either of those people meant, using my name like that?

Googling “Ann” probably won’t help me, but I shall try that anyway (since, to me,  that seems like a very Ann thing to do).

Here is Ann’s first result of googling “Ann definition”:

The name Anne is a Hebrew baby name. In Hebrew the meaning of the name Anne is: Favour or grace. Prayer. God has favoured me.

That’s not how I spell my name, though.  Perhaps people whose name is spelled AnnE are graceful and favoured by God. Here‘s another way Google defines “Ann”:

Word Origin and History for Ann
fem. proper name, alternative form of Anna, from Latin Anna, from Greek, from Hebrew Hannah (see Hannah ). In U.S. black slang, “white woman,” also “a black woman who is considered to be acting ‘too white;’ ” also Miss Ann. She is the spouse of Mr. Charlie.

It’s true that I AM a white woman, but that’s not a particularly helpful definition, either.

If I could consult with my patient or with Carol as I’m writing this blog post, I could use the helpful skill of reality testing (see here for that and other antidotes for automatic and unhelpful thoughts). In other words, I could ask them what they meant.  However, that’s not possible. Therefore,  it’s up to me to decide what “Ann” might mean, when used as an adjective or noun.

I am deciding this, at 6:19 AM, Boston USA time:

 Ann — when  used as a noun or an adjective — is a compliment, not an insult.

I hope you can decide the same, now, about your name. Why? Because this Ann believes that’s a helpful thing for everyone to do, no matter what.

Ann is now going to check photos she took yesterday, to see if any of them are more Ann than others.

 

I think all those photos are equally Ann.

What do you think about that or anything else in this Ann post?

Finally, it’s very Ann to be extremely grateful that you visited here today, no matter what your name.

Day 1040: Too good to be true

Have you ever thought that something was too good to be true?  Was it too good?  And was it true?

Why do we think that something can be too good to be true?  Don’t we truly deserve good things to happen to us, as often as possible?

Here’s something true.   I’ve never, ever had this thought:

That’s too bad to be true.

Why is that true, good people?

If something seems too good to be true, people often have distorted thoughts about it, including:

• I don’t deserve this.
• This is going to be taken away.
• I better not talk about this.
• Something terrible is going to happen.

Is that true for you, good readers?

Yesterday, I remarked that I was having a day that was too good to be true, because:

1. I found out that a good and true therapist is going to be hired by the hospital to work with me.
2. I saw reviews for my presentation at the hospital from a week ago that were so good that I wondered if they were true.
3. The temperature was a too-good-to-be-true-for-Boston-in-November 74 degrees.
4. My Thursday evening therapy group made me write “Ann is the best ever” on the white board. I wouldn’t believe that was true unless I had this good proof:

It’s true that a good member of the group last night also brought up AFOG (which stands  for “Another Fucking Opportunity for Growth”). It’s too good to be true that I started this daily blog almost three years ago to help me write a book titled “AFOG.” If you don’t think that’s true, please read my good enough “About” page.

Have I truly written a book with the good title “AFOG”?  No, because blogging every day since January 1, 2013 has been too good to be true for me.

Let’s see if I have any other photos from yesterday that are too good to be true.

         

I wonder if I can find some too-good-to-be-true music for this post.

It’s true that a good and superstitious person told me, yesterday, that I should throw salt over my left shoulder because of my too-good-to-be-true day. Here‘s too-good-to-be-true Stevie Wonder:

It’s too good to be true that my last photo matches that music, so well.

True thanks to all the good people who helped me write this post and to you — of course! — for being so true, to me.

Day 1013: Compliments

It’s a compliment to the power of compliments that I’ve already blogged about compliments twice before, in Day 191: Compliments and Day 795:  How to Accept Compliments.

It’s a compliment to the Smothers Brothers that I was inspired to create another post about compliments today.

If you pay me the compliment of watching a video I’ve chosen for you, you’ll find that Smothers Brothers performance of “Boil That Cabbage Down”  at Boston’s Symphony Hall contains much about compliments.

I shall now pay a compliment to Tommy Smothers, who has a lot to say about  family compliments: I am proud we both share the birthday of February 2 (a date that pays a compliment to groundhogs in the USA).

Speaking of family compliments, I know a  very effective exercise that helps families give compliments to each other. Here’s how it works:

1. The family gathers in a room, with a writing implement and some nice paper.
2. One member of the family leaves the room.
3. The rest of the family members come up with compliments about the person who is not there. (These must be authentic, unqualified and non-left-handed compliments.)
4. One of the family members writes down the compliments.
5. When the person who left the room returns, that person is given the list of compliments from the rest of the family.
6. Repeat Steps 2 through 5, for each family member.

I am going to pay a compliment to my old friend, Joe: I really appreciate him for telling me about this family exercise, decades ago.

Here’s a photo of some of the compliments I got from my family (including my sister Ellen, my late mother, my late father, and my ex-husband) when we did that family exercise:

It’s a compliment to my family members how I’ve saved and cherished that list for so many years.

Here are some more complimentary thoughts from me about compliments:

• I’ve witnessed many people in group and individual therapy struggle to accept compliments that are sincerely given.
• Receiving a compliment that does not fit your perception of yourself can feel painful at times.
• I like to give people compliments, authentically and freely.
• I believe that learning to accept compliments can be powerfully healing.

I wonder if I’ll get any compliments about these photos I took yesterday.

All my photos are taking forever to load in WordPress today. Since I have paid WordPress the compliment of buying additional storage space and I have paid my readers the compliment of spending hours in the service of helping my photos load more quickly, I hope this is temporary.  Otherwise, I may have to pay some left-handed compliments to WordPress over this long weekend.

I shall now pay myself the compliment of sharing my first ever tweet with hashtags, which I created on Twitter while I was waiting for my photos to load here:

I love being in the moment, especially when that moment is a Friday night of a long weekend.

I shall now pay a compliment to my cat Oscar and my boyfriend Michael by including this photo from August, two years ago (which I hope pays us all the compliment of loading easily).

Feel free to include any right-handed or left-handed compliments in a comment, below.

Complimentary thanks to my family, to Michael/Mike the boyfriend, to Joe the friend, to Oscar the cat, to the Brothers Smothers, to WordPress, to Twitter, to people who do their best to give and receive compliments, and  to you — of course! — for paying me the compliment of visiting here, today.