Day 3723: Shame

Shame is something I feel and think about a great deal and it’s interesting to me how people grapple to define it. For example, the first definition of “shame” I found online this morning …

… didn’t seem to align with the way I think about shame, which may or may not be preceded by “wrong or foolish behavior.” However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that “consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior” doesn’t necessarily mean that the person feeling shame actually did something “wrong” or “foolish” — they might just think or feel that they had. And, one might argue that any behavior could be seen as wrong or foolish, if one is feeling shame.

A definition I like about shame is “guilt is feeling you’ve done something wrong; shame is feeling there is something wrong with you.”

During my week in NYC at a group therapy conference, I wrote notes on my phone, and here are some notes I wrote about shame:

I have no shame about inviting people to let go of shame in my work as a psychotherapist, even if other people believe that shame can help us grow and develop.

Here is another definition of shame I found online …

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… and here are some quotes about shame:

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I have no shame about agreeing with Brene Brown, who writes and speaks about shame.

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Is there any shame in the images I have to share with you this morning?

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What are your thoughts and feelings about shame?

Thanks to all who help me let go of shame every day, including YOU!

Day 3472: Alone in the presence of others

Years ago, inspired by the work of Dr. D. W. Winnicott and by my own experience, I made this t-shirt:

As I create this blog alone in presence of others, here are my images for today.

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On National Mac & Cheese Day, I’ll be alone in the presence of others wearing these socks:

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Here’s what I find on YouTube when I search for “alone in the presence of others”:

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As always, I am grateful to be alone in the presence of YOU.

Day 3472: Alone in the presence of others

Years ago, inspired by the work of Dr. D. W. Winnicott and by my own experience, I made this t-shirt:

As I create this blog alone in presence of others, here are my images for today.

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On National Mac & Cheese Day, I’ll be alone in the presence of others wearing these socks:

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Here’s what I find on YouTube when I search for “alone in the presence of others”:

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As always, I am grateful to be alone in the presence of YOU.

Day 3472: Alone in the presence of others

Years ago, inspired by the work of Dr. D. W. Winnicott and by my own experience, I made this t-shirt:

As I create this blog alone in presence of others, here are my images for today.

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On National Mac & Cheese Day, I’ll be alone in the presence of others wearing these socks:

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Here’s what I find on YouTube when I search for “alone in the presence of others”:

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As always, I am grateful to be alone in the presence of YOU.

Day 3437: Solutions

If you don’t know the definition of “solutions,” there’s a solution for that.

When people come to individual therapy seeking solutions, they sometimes discover they also have marital problems that have “no easy solutions” (see definition above for quote).

Do you see solutions in any of my other images for today?

Here’s what I find on YouTube when I search for “solutions”:

I look forward to your thoughts and feelings about solutions, below.

Gratitude is an all-purpose daily solution, so thanks to all who are here now, including YOU.

Day 3430: Keeping Up

I’m having trouble keeping up with many things these days, including

• changes in technology,
• the news, and
• responding to all the wonderful people who engage with me through social media (here and on Twitter).

Let’s see if I’m keeping up with the latest definition of “keeping up.”

Keeping up with the first definition and with my role as a psychotherapist, I keep telling people not to keep comparing themselves with others, because that keeps them feeling bad about themselves. If you want to keep up with definitions of comparisons and other cognitive distortions (which I keep calling “automatic and unhelpful thoughts), I’m keeping those definitions here.

I’m keeping up with blogging every day by sharing my thoughts, my feelings, and the photos and other captured images I’m keeping up on my phone (which may explain why my phone is slowing down and having trouble keeping up with me these days) (but that’s not keeping me up at night).

Do you see keeping up in my images for today?

Today I’ll be keeping up with the National Days by seeking out my favorite flavor of ice cream, Rocky Road. Keeping up with National Leave the Office Early Day is challenging, since Thursdays I work late until 8, but I’m working from home (which I keep doing, except for Mondays, when I’m keeping up with work at the hospital).

Keeping up with the theme of irresistible dance music, here’s “Everybody Walk the Dinosaur” by Was (Not Was).

If you comment below, I’ll try keeping up with you by answering as soon as I can.

I’m keeping up with my tradition of taking photos of thank you’s so I can express my gratitude every day for all those who are keeping up with me, including YOU.

Day 3390: Self-consciousness

I am conscious of self and others and I’m conscious of how self-consciousness affects us all.

Here are some quotes about self-consciousness:

As I get older, I get less self-conscious, which is wonderful.

Do you see self-consciousness in my other images for today?

Today I am going take a chance and talk like Shakespeare without any self-consciousness.

Here’s what I find on YouTube when I search for “self-consciousness”.

I hope you can overcome self-consciousness and leave a comment, below.

I am conscious of my self, here and now, being grateful for all who help me create this daily blog, including YOU.

Day 3388: Confidence

I have the confidence to state that many people I see in therapy confuse confidence with conceitedness.

That’s why I have this on hand when the issue of confidence comes up:

People often confuse those two scales of insecurity-confidence and humility-conceitedness, fearing that they will quickly tip from insecurity into conceitedness. Indeed, I have confidence in predicting that discussions about gaining confidence will result in somebody saying, “I don’t want to be obnoxiously conceited like so-and-so.”

I also notice that people I work with are very worried about being overconfident but not so worried about being under-confident. I am confident in pointing out that being under-confident is at least as harmful to oneself as being overconfident, but I am not confident that people believe me about that.

I am confident that people will get something out of my images for today.

I’m confident that I will get to know my customers today (I facilitate two groups on Thursdays) and that I will give somebody a high five.

Here’s what I find on YouTube when I search for “confidence.”

I have confidence that I will appreciate any comment you have the confidence to leave, below.

Thanks to all who help me gain more confidence here every day, including YOU.

Day 3323: I’m big enough to have options

In my EMDR therapy, we have identified a very powerful “positive cognition.”

I’m big enough to have options.

This helps me because when I’m lost, anxious, frightened, or helpless, I feel small — probably because (1) I was traumatized by hospital stays and major surgeries when I was a kid and (2) I’m only 5’3” tall.

Also, it always helps to know I have options.

Here and now, I’m big enough to have options about what I share in today’s blog.

I’m big enough to have options to shower with a friend, have ice cream or Nutella whenever I want, play outside or inside, pay attention to or ignore weatherpeople, and avoid bacon because (1) my parents kept Kosher and (2) I associate the smell of bacon with my childhood stays in the hospital.

Let’s see what options I find when I search YouTube for “I’m big enough to have options.”

I’m big enough to have options about how to express gratitude to all who help me create this daily blog, including YOU.

Day 3259: What’s a story you tell about yourself?

Yesterday, between two therapy groups where people tell stories about themselves, I asked this question on Twitter:

Some people on Twitter pointed out that there were many ways to answer that question — is the story the truth or a lie? Is it a story you tell to yourself or to others? My story about the questions I ask is this: there is no right or wrong way to answer any of them. I deliberately made the question ambiguous, so people could answer as they chose.

Personally, I’ve been thinking a lot about the old, habitual stories we tell about ourselves and how those affect us. Many people tell negative, limiting, and outmoded stories about themselves. For example, I tell a story about myself making a mistake that might markedly harm myself and others, even though that has rarely happened in my life. This fear-filled story can make me hesitant to act and can cause me to agonize over something I might have done or will do “wrong.”

I can also get confused by the conflicting stories others tell. For example, which story should I believe: “Look before you leap!” or “He who hesitates is lost!”

What’s a story that today’s images tell?

Now I’m thinking about (1) stories that use strong language, (2) stories people tell to bartenders and (3) the unforgettable stories that movies tell us.

Also, the story I’m telling about the potato latkes Michael made yesterday …

… is that they are the best I’ve ever had.

This is what I find on YouTube when I search for “what’s a story you tell about yourself?”

I really appreciate the stories Dr. Tracey Marks is telling in that video.

What’s a story you tell about yourself?

Every story I tell here ends with gratitude for YOU.