Day 2546: It’s not unusual

It’s not unusual for me to

• spend time worrying about something that doesn’t come to pass,
• make assumptions about what somebody is thinking only to find that I was way off,
• avoid checking the latest news,
• wish better people were in power,
• be shy about asking for help,
• write on white boards at work,
• talk to anybody who will listen about the healing power of groups,
• pose a question and then find out the answer is more complicated than expected, and
• appreciate being alive, every day.

In yesterday’s blog post — Day 2545: Transformation — I asked people to identify the guitarist on the 1965 Tom Jones hit, “It’s Not Unusual.”

While I was told the guitarist was Jimmy Page, it turns out that the guitarist was either Jimmy Page or Joe Moretti AND the keyboardist was definitely Reginald Dwight, more famously known as Elton John.

It’s not unusual for me to send an email like this to Michael:

Who was the keyboardist on “It’s Not Unusual”?

One of the most famous keyboardists in rock and roll history!

Don’t cheat! Answer provided tonight!

Love,
One of the least famous keyboardists in history

It’s not unusual for me to share my latest photos.

It’s not unusual for a cat to look at a king or a blogger.

It’s not unusual for me to share definitions, like this one:

A CAT MAY  LOOK AT A KING

A cat may look at a king is an English proverb that means even someone of low status has rights. A cat may look at a king implies that all people have certain minimal rights by virtue of being alive. Like many proverbs, the origin is unknown. The first printed version of the idiom a cat may look at a king was published in 1562, in The Proverbs And Epigrams Of John Heywood, “What, a cat may look on a king, ye know!” It is almost certain that the proverb existed in oral tradition long before it was written down. A cat may look at a king is a proverb that is not as popular as it was in the past, perhaps because inalienable human rights are more recognized in the present time, or perhaps because the power of kings is not what it once was.

It’s not unusual for me to appreciate any comments you might share, below.

It’s not unusual for me to express gratitude for all who help me create these daily blog post, including YOU!

 

Day 2542: Quid Pro Quo

Lately, there’s been a lot of  this-for-that activity in the news using the phrase “quid pro quo.” 

If I include  a definition of “quid pro quo”  for you here, will you  leave a comment for me below?

quid pro quo

noun
\ kwid-ˌprō-ˈkwō \

: something given or received for something else
also : a deal arranging a quid pro quo

Synonyms:

back-and-forth, barter, commutation, dicker, exchange, swap, trade, trade-off, truck

Quid Pro Quo and the Apothecary:
In the early 16th century, a quid pro quo was something obtained from an apothecary. That’s because when quid pro quo (New Latin for “something for something”) was first used in English, it referred to the process of substituting one medicine for another—whether intentionally (and sometimes fraudulently) or accidentally. The meaning of the phrase was quickly extended, however, and within several decades it was being used for more general equivalent exchanges. These days, it often occurs in legal contexts.

Examples of quid pro quo in a Sentence:
In politics nobody does something for nothing: there’s always a quid pro quo involved.

.
Recent Examples on the Web:
The investigation revolved around suspicions of a quid pro quo — whether the Interior Department rejected a casino application in exchange for campaign contributions from other tribes that opposed the project.
— Ian James, azcentral, “He took down dams, freed wolves and preserved wildlands. Bruce Babbitt is still at work,” 14 July 2019
Sullivan, who secretly recorded the meeting, disputes that characterization and says the two lawmakers offered him a quid pro quo.
— James Barragán, Dallas News, “What was motive for Texas House Speaker’s secret meeting? ‘Target list’ or effort to keep GOP majority,” 23 Aug. 2019
These example sentences are selected automatically from various online news sources to reflect current usage of the word ‘quid pro quo.’ Views expressed in the examples do not represent the opinion of Merriam-Webster or its editors. Send us feedback.

First Known Use of quid pro quo
1582, in the meaning defined above

History and Etymology for quid pro quo
New Latin, something for something

I shall now share two things I noticed in that Merriam-Webster definition.   Might you do the same?

1. I don’t know what a truck is doing there.  These days, I would much rather see a fuel-efficient vehicle than a truck, no matter where it is.  (For my readers in the UK, when I say “truck” I mean a lorry or a wagon.  Now that I’ve cleared that up for you, what will you do for me?)
2. I can’t believe that those are the most recent examples on the web.

Here are some Quid Pro Quo-tes, from elsewhere on the web.

“Rich people show their appreciation through favors. When everyone you know has more money than they know what to do with, money stops being a useful transactional tool. So instead you offer favors. Deals. Quid pro quos. Things that involve personal personal involvement rather than money.  Because when you’re that rich, your personal time is your limiting factor.”  — John Scalzi, Lock In

“True friendship has no checks or balances.  Once somebody starts Keeping Score, the game is over.” — Kate McGahan

“… and no man gave you a fur coat without expecting to receive something in return. Except for one’s husband, of course, who expected nothing except modest gratitude.” — Kate Atkinson, A God in Ruins

“Yes, you scratch my back and I scratch yours. But shouldn’t we, one of these evenings, sit down to figure out why our backs are always so itchy in the first place?” — Rajesh’, Random Cosmos

Let’s see if there are any quid pro quos in these recent quid-pro-photos.

I gave compliments to the chef in exchange for last night’s delicious meal.

I’m now going to post a song, from the musical Rent, which I think illustrates quid pro quo.

If you know any similar songs, feel free to share them with us all.

Many thanks to veterans, writers, performers, cooks, cats, and all those who helped me create this quid-pro-quo post, including YOU.

 

Day 2528: Resistance

Apparently I have some resistance to writing about resistance, because when I search for “resistance” in seven years’ worth of daily blogging, these are the posts that appear:

Day 2075: Et tu Brute?

Day 1842: The Least

Day 731: Small  Change

Day 479: Super Recovery Woman, revisited

Day 425: Truth Teller

Day 320: Show up, be gentle, tell the truth

Day 217: Strangers

Day 174: Surprised by joy

Day 153: Do I Dare to Tweet a Tweet?

Day 149: To Tweet or Not to Tweet (is that the question?)

Day 73: The Fear of Feeling “Too Good” — Part 2

Day 69: To Do Lists (How NOT to get overwhelmed)

Day 50: Sleep — Needs, History, Distortions, and a Wish

This may be a sign of resistance, but I don’t see how those posts are about resistance, defined as following:

resistance noun
re·​sis·​tance | \ ri-ˈzi-stən(t)s \

1a : an act or instance of resisting : OPPOSITION
b : a means of resisting
2 : the power or capacity to resist: such as
a : the inherent ability of an organism to resist harmful influences (such as disease, toxic agents, or infection)
b : the capacity of a species or strain of microorganism to survive exposure to a toxic agent (such as a drug) formerly effective against it
3 : an opposing or retarding force
4a : the opposition offered by a body or substance to the passage through it of a steady electric current
b : a source of resistance
5 : a psychological defense mechanism wherein a patient rejects, denies, or otherwise opposes the therapeutic efforts of a psychotherapist
6 often capitalized : an underground organization of a conquered or nearly conquered country engaging in sabotage and secret operations against occupation forces and collaborators

Perhaps I have a resistance to writing about resistance because it can be so exhausting to deal with resistance.  When I encounter resistance (definitions #1 and #3 ) that doesn’t make sense to me, it can affect my sleep and perhaps my natural resistance to disease (definition #2).

I often notice my own resistance to:

• owning my personal power,
• focusing on details,
• asking for help, and
• making too much noise.

Yesterday, I had some resistance to taking photos, so I have only these images to share:

 

 

 

A peace sign is one of my favorite signs of resistance.

Here, here, and here there are resistance songs on YouTube:

 

Do you notice any resistance to leaving a comment?

I’m never aware of any resistance to my expressing gratitude to all who help me create these daily posts, including YOU.

 

 

 

Day 2522: Hang ups

One of my hang ups is thinking about my and other people’s hang-ups, so when I saw this yesterday on my way to work …

… I thought, “Tomorrow’s blog topic is hang ups!”

The internet, which is a hang-up for many of us, includes these definitions of hang-up:

hang-up (hăng′ŭp′)
n. Informal
1. A psychological or emotional difficulty or inhibition.
2. An obstacle to smooth progress or development.
American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fifth Edition. Copyright © 2016 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved.

hang′-up` or hang′up`,

n. Slang.
1. a preoccupation, fixation, or psychological block; complex.
2. a source of annoying difficulty or burden.
[1955–60]
Random House Kernerman Webster’s College Dictionary, © 2010 K Dictionaries Ltd. Copyright 2005, 1997, 1991 by Random House, Inc. All rights reserved.

Noun 1. hang-up – an emotional preoccupation
preoccupation – an idea that preoccupies the mind and holds the attention

2. hang-up – an unforeseen obstacle

hang-up – an unforeseen obstacle
rub, hitch, snag
obstacle, obstruction – something immaterial that stands in the way and must be circumvented or surmounted; “lack of imagination is an obstacle to one’s advancement”; “the poverty of a district is an obstacle to good education”; “the filibuster was a major obstruction to the success of their plan”
Based on WordNet 3.0, Farlex clipart collection. © 2003-2012 Princeton University, Farlex Inc.

I don’t want to get too hung up on presenting definitions and synonyms of “hang-up,” so here’s a list of hang ups that preoccupy me and others, these days:

• Worry about the future.
• Regret about the past.
• Resentment.
• Excessive guilt.
• Misplaced shame.
• A focus on what other people think.
• Cognitive distortions (including blaming, catastrophizing, personalization,  all-or-nothing thinking, comparisons, labeling, and shoulds).

Do you see hang ups in my other photos from yesterday?

I am very hung up on Michael’s cooking.

I’ve been hung up on the group Buffalo Springfield for decades.

The original and the cover version of “Hung Upside Down” are hanging up here and here on YouTube.

What are your hang-ups? Any hang ups about sharing them in a comment, below?

Here’s an expression of gratitude hanging up in my office:

A big thank you to all who help me create these daily blog posts, including YOU.

 

Day 2521: Double takes

I did a double take, just now, when I realized this is my first post about double takes, defined as ….

noun
a rapid or surprised second look, either literal or figurative, at a person or situation whose significance had not been completely grasped at first:
His friends did a double take when they saw how much weight he had lost.

I’m doing a double take at that definition because

1. I don’t know what a figurative double take would look like, literally or figuratively.
2. I don’t know how much weight I’ve lost recently because, as I discovered yesterday, our scale in the bathroom presents two very different weights, depending on where you move it on the floor.

In case you haven’t completely grasped the weight or significance of today’s title, here are some visual double takes:

 

Did you do any double takes at any of those photos, literally or figuratively?

Yesterday, Michael & I were trying to remember supermarkets that were around when we were young.  We remembered Stop & Shop (still around today) and A & P (no longer with us).  I asked Michael, “Do you remember the old joke that Stop & Shop and A & P are merging and the new name is ‘Stop & P’?” I did a double take when Michael said he’d never heard that.

I also did a double take when I saw how few views “Double Take” by Blondie has on YouTube:

Here’s a double take of gratitude for (1) all those who helped me create today’s blog and (2) YOU.

Day 2484: Inappropriate

Almost two years ago (but who’s counting?) I wrote a post titled “Appropriate.” As I often tell  members of my Coping and Healing groups, whenever we name an important topic in the room, the opposite is also implied.   Therefore, anything I write about “Inappropriate” today would also include aspects of “Appropriate.”

I think it’s appropriate that I move on with this blog post.

The inspiration for today’s blog post is somebody saying inappropriate things to me yesterday. By inappropriate, I mean

• disrespectful,
• toxic,
• unprofessional,
• unpleasant,
• misdirected,
• insulting,
• condescending, and
• probably dishonest.

Is it inappropriate to consult an online dictionary to see if that definition includes any of the same words in my list above?

in·ap·pro·pri·ate
/ˌinəˈprōprēət/
adjective
not suitable or proper in the circumstances.
“there are penalties for inappropriate behavior”
synonyms: unsuitable, unfitting, ill-suited, unseemly, unbecoming, unprofessional, unfit, unbefitting, indecorous, improper, lacking in propriety, ungentlemanly, unladylike.

“Unprofessional” makes it to both lists of “inappropriate.”   Almost all of the other “inappropriate” words are appropriate to my experience yesterday (although I wonder about the appropriateness of “ungentlemanly” or “unladylike”).

When somebody is inappropriate, I

• am shocked,
• get angry,
• feel at a loss for the right things to say,
• try to get away from the person as soon as possible, and
• enlist appropriate people to help me deal with the situation.

What do you do when somebody is inappropriate?

I’m not sure if any of my photos from yesterday are appropriate to today’s topic.

Personally, I think love is always appropriate.

Here’s “Inappropriate Behavior” by Lime Cordiale, performed live on the streets of Llanes, Spain.

Is it inappropriate that I also featured an Australian band in yesterday’s post?   Is it inappropriate that I’m guessing how my readers from Australia are going to respond?

Gratitude is never inappropriate, so thanks to all who helped me create today’s “Inappropriate” post and — of course! — to you, my always appropriate readers.

Day 2447: Empathy, again

Yesterday, in my therapy group, I wrote the word “empathy” twice on the white board.

I wrote “empathy” twice because I heard and experienced so much of it from the group participants. I especially noted and appreciated it because I hear and experience so little empathy, these days,  from world leaders.

Why do the participants in a therapy group seem to have so much more empathy than world leaders?

Is it because “power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely”?

Is it because people who have come together to cope, heal, support, and learn from each other naturally have more empathy?

What does your empathy tell you about that?

Here’s a definition of empathy, again:

em·pa·thy
/ˈempəTHē/

noun
the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
synonyms: affinity with, rapport with, sympathy with, understanding of, sensitivity toward, sensibility to, identification with, awareness of, fellowship with, fellow feeling for, like-mindedness, togetherness, closeness to
“what is really important about learning a language is learning empathy for another culture”

Here are some quotes about empathy:

Empathy is really the opposite of spiritual meanness. It’s the capacity to understand that every war is won and lost.  And that someone’s pain is as meaningful as your own.  — Barbara Kingsolver.

Sympathy relies on a common experience. If you’re clumsy, you might have sympathy for others who tend to bump into things. Empathy, on the other hand, is the ability to understand another person’s feelings even if you’ve never experienced them yourself. —  Joe Gebbia

A prerequisite to empathy is just paying attention to the person in pain.  — Daniel Goleman

Human nature is complex.  Even if we do have inclinations towards violence, we also have inclination to empathy, to cooperation, to self-control.  — Steven Pinker

Empathy begins with understanding life from another person’s perspective. Nobody has an objective experience of reality.  It’s all through our own individual prisms.  — Sterling K. Brown

Empathy is the latest code word for liberal activism, for treating the Constitution as malleable clay to be kneaded and molded in whatever form justices want. It represents an expansive view of the judiciary in which courts create policy that couldn’t pass the legislative branch or, if it did, would create voter backlash.  — Karl Rove

When you show deep empathy towards others, their defensive energy goes down, and positive energy replaces it. That’s when you can get more creative in solving problems. — Stephen Covey

The struggle of my life created empathy — I could relate to pain, being abandoned, having people not love me. — Oprah Winfrey

Empathy is the starting point  for creating a community and taking action. It’s the impetus for creating change. — Max Carver

Empathy is a tool for building people into groups, for allowing us to function as more than self-obsessed individuals.  — Neil Gaiman

 

Is there empathy in my other photos from yesterday?

 

Which of those photos represents empathy best, to you?

For me, it’s this one:

Or maybe this one:

If necessity is the mother of invention, what is empathy?  Here’s “Call Any Vegetable” from Just Another Band from L.A. by the Mothers of Invention:

Here‘s another version of “Call Any Vegetable”:

Any empathy in this quote from Frank Zappa, the leader of the Mothers of Invention?

The mind is like a parachute.  It doesn’t work if it’s not open.

I look forward to the empathy in your comments, below.

Empathic thanks to all who helped me create today’s post and — of course! — to YOU.

Day 2431: Community

My dear blogging community,

After almost seven years of blogging daily about the healing power of community, I discover, here and now, that I have never, ever titled a post “Community” before.

COMMUNITY noun, often attributive
com·​mu·​ni·​ty | \ kə-ˈmyü-nə-tē \
plural communities
Definition of community
1 : a unified body of individuals: such as
a : the people with common interests living in a particular area
broadly : the area itself
the problems of a large community
b : a group of people with a common characteristic or interest living together within a larger society
a community of retired persons
a monastic community
c : a body of persons of common and especially professional interests scattered through a larger society
the academic community
the scientific community
d : a body of persons or nations having a common history or common social, economic, and political interests
the international community
e : a group linked by a common policy
f : an interacting population of various kinds of individuals (such as species) in a common location
g : STATE, COMMONWEALTH
2a : a social state or condition
The school encourages a sense of community in its students.
b : joint ownership or participation
community of goods
c : common character : LIKENESS
community of interests
d : social activity : FELLOWSHIP
3 : society at large
the interests of the community

If you’re looking for a definition of “community” by Merriam-Webster,  that’s it.

When I look at news stories from the world community, I do not find a focus on community, Instead, I see divisiveness, “other”-ing, and antonyms of community like inequality, conflict, polarity, incompatibility, incongruence, disproportion, imbalance, disagreement, discrepancy, disparity, dissimilarity, unlikeness, forlornness, and loneliness.

Do you see community in my photos from yesterday ?

Don Henley, who used to be in a community of Eagles, has created several songs about community, including this one …

… and this one.

It’s difficult to find Don Henley songs in the community of YouTube, but here’s a slower version of “The Boys of Summer.”

I look forward to hearing from my community of readers.

No matter what community  I’m in, I’m always looking for expressions of gratitude.  Thanks to the community of people who helped me create this post and — of course! — thanks to YOU.

 

 

Day 2407: Tell me about it

I’m going to tell you about Merriam-Webster’s definition of “tell me about it.”

tell me about it (idiom)

Definition of tell me about it
informal
—used to say that one understands what someone is talking about because one has had the same or a similar experience
“Something is wrong with that computer.” “Yeah, tell me about it. I can never get it to work properly.”

I don’t know if something is wrong with my computer, but I can’t post a shortened version of this video (in which I seem to be saying “Tell me about it” for 18 minutes) (and which I first told you about in this post) to YouTube.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1xTT1B5mT6uiWAp_Z-k4MB9fcDFDGg8Mb/view?usp=sharing

Let me tell you about what happens when I (and perhaps you)  click on that link.  I receive a message that says “Unable to process this video.”  However, I could still download it, although I got a message that told me “Google Drive can’t scan this file for viruses. Free.mp4 (1.4G) is too large for Google to scan for viruses. Would you still like to download this file?”

Too complicated or too much trouble?  Tell me about it.

Once my son returns from teaching English in Jordan, maybe he can tell me about how to post that video (which he shot in our gazebo two weeks ago) to YouTube.  If you do look at the video, tell me about which title you prefer:

• “Tell me about it.”
• “Free therapy with Ann.”
• “I’m listening.”

I can also tell you about the original, unedited, noisy, uncentered version of that video, which is here:

At this point, when I’m looking at a preview of this post, I’m telling you that video has this message: “Please wait. We are converting this video.”

Tell me about it.

In the meantime, I’m going to tell you about these recent photos I haven’t told you about before.

Which is your favorite photo?  Tell me about it.

Tell me about your reactions to this music in the air:

 

I want to break free of more technical problems, but I won’t tell you about it.  Instead, I’ll tell you about my gratitude to all who support my telling you about it, every day, here on WordPress.

Thoughts about those ways of expressing gratitude?  Tell me about it.

---

YouTube now tells me that this very abbreviated, silent version of “Free Therapy with Ann” has shown up there.

My expression in that still shot, above, seems to say, “Tell me about it.”  If I manage to post a longer version, I’ll tell you about it.

Day 2404: ACT

I act, every day, to

• publish a blog here at The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally  and
• encourage people to act in beneficial ways.

And yet, this is my first blog post with the word “act” in the title.  Time to act!

What does “act” mean to you? To Merriam-Webster, it means:

act noun
\ ˈakt \
Definition of act
1a : the doing of a thing : DEED
an act of courage
b law : something done voluntarily
2 : the process of doing something : ACTION
caught in the act
3 : the formal product of a legislative body : STATUTE
an act of Congress
also : a decision or determination of a sovereign, a legislative council, or a court of justice
4 : one of the principal divisions of a theatrical work (such as a play or opera)
a play in three acts
5a : one of successive parts or performances (as in a variety show or circus)
a magic act
b : the performer or performers in such an act
a two-person comedy act
c : a performance or presentation identified with a particular individual or group
They took their act on the road.
d : the sum of a person’s actions or effects that serve to create an impression or set an example
a hard act to follow
6 : a display of affected behavior : PRETENSE
put on an act that deceived nobody
His friendly concern was just an act.
7 often capitalized : a formal record of something done or transacted
8 : a state of real existence rather than possibility
into the act or in on the act
: into an undertaking or situation as an active participant
saw the success they were having and wanted to get in on the act
act verb
acted; acting; acts
intransitive verb

1 : to take action : MOVE
think before acting
acted favorably on the recommendation
2 : to conduct oneself : BEHAVE
act like a fool
3a : to perform on the stage
began acting at the age of eight
b : to behave as if performing on the stage : PRETEND
seemed angry but was just acting
4 : to perform a specified function : SERVE
trees acting as a windbreak
5 : to produce an effect : WORK
wait for a medicine to act
6 : to give a decision or award
adjourned without acting on the bill
7 of a play : to be capable of being performed
a play that acts well
transitive verb

1a : to represent or perform by action especially on the stage
will act the part of Romeo in tonight’s play
b : FEIGN, SIMULATE
act indifference
c : IMPERSONATE
2 : to play the part of as if in a play
act the man of the world
3 : to behave in a manner suitable to
Act your age.
4 obsolete : ACTUATE, ANIMATE
ACT abbreviation
Definition of ACT
1 Action for Children’s Television
2 Association of Classroom Teachers
3 Australian Capital Territory

To therapists, ACT (abbreviation)  also means Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. I shall now act to quote the Wikipedia description about ACT:

The objective of ACT is not elimination of difficult feelings; rather, it is to be present with what life brings us and to “move toward valued behavior”.[6] Acceptance and commitment therapy invites people to open up to unpleasant feelings, and learn not to overreact to them, and not avoid situations where they are invoked. Its therapeutic effect is a positive spiral where feeling better leads to a better understanding of the truth.[7] In ACT, ‘truth’ is measured through the concept of ‘workability’, or what works to take another step toward what matters (e.g. values, meaning).

ACT (abbreviation) also means this:

When I was caught in the act taking that photo yesterday, I acted to smile and give a thumbs up to the ACT workers near that truck.

Here are other ways I acted yesterday:

I have to act fast to finish this post with a  Stephen Sondheim song  (which features actors avoiding action by focusing on fault).

 

It’s never just an act when I express gratitude to all who help me act to create this daily blog and — of course! — thanks to YOU.