I did a double take, just now, when I realized this is my first post about double takes, defined as ….
noun
a rapid or surprised second look, either literal or figurative, at a person or situation whose significance had not been completely grasped at first:
His friends did a double take when they saw how much weight he had lost.
I’m doing a double take at that definition because
I don’t know what a figurative double take would look like, literally or figuratively.
I don’t know how much weight I’ve lost recently because, as I discovered yesterday, our scale in the bathroom presents two very different weights, depending on where you move it on the floor.
In case you haven’t completely grasped the weight or significance of today’s title, here are some visual double takes:
Did you do any double takes at any of those photos, literally or figuratively?
Yesterday, Michael & I were trying to remember supermarkets that were around when we were young. We remembered Stop & Shop (still around today) and A & P (no longer with us). I asked Michael, “Do you remember the old joke that Stop & Shop and A & P are merging and the new name is ‘Stop & P’?” I did a double take when Michael said he’d never heard that.
I also did a double take when I saw how few views “Double Take” by Blondie has on YouTube:
Here’s a double take of gratitude for (1) all those who helped me create today’s blog and (2) YOU.
Also, seven years ago I expanded my network of friends by starting a daily blog. Every morning, including today, I’ve written about my heart, my son, my passion for the healing power of groups, my song-writing, my cats, my hopes, my fears, this speech — whatever helps gird me and prepare me for the day ahead.
I am girding and preparing myself for a day without the earthly presence of Deb, friends, family members, and other shining lights who have passed.
Girding and preparing myself includes listening to music I love. Yesterday, when I was walking amongst the creatures and environs around me, I was reminded of a musician I loved when I was young — Jacques Loussier, who played jazz versions of Bach pieces, like this one:
As always, girding and preparing includes sharing my gratitude to all, including YOU.
Yesterday, one of my friends who works where I park my car on weekdays took my ukulele and posed while holding it, like so:
That’s the topic of my next blog post, I thought — What we’re holding. So I held my iPhone while I took photos of what others were holding, throughout the day.
All day, I was holding sadness and concern for a beloved group therapist and teacher with a serious illness. What I didn’t know, while I was holding that card, was that she had already passed away.
What we’re holding — even if we don’t show it — includes loss, love, pain, and so much more.
Whatever you’re holding now, dear reader, feel free to share it in a comment below.
It’s so easy for me to free associate about the phrase “so easy” …
When I tell people that my Coping and Healing groups focus on doing more of what helps and less what doesn’t help, we agree that sounds so easy but is actually so difficult to do.
As I am well into my seventh year creating and sharing this daily blog, my expectations are that I would have blogged about this important topic of expectations before (which I did, here, here, and here).
I have no expectations about whether you will read those previous blog posts.
Yesterday, in a Coping and Healing group, the chosen topic was expectations.
My expectation is that my drawing, above, needs some explanation: There were big black boxes (which contained stage lights) blocking our view of the dancers’ feet, which was not what I expected. At first I was disappointed (“So you thought you could see!”) , but then I let go of that expectation (“Okay. It is what it is.”) and thoroughly enjoyed the performances.
I wonder if people have any expectations about my other photos from yesterday?
If you attend your high school reunion wearing your old prom outfit, that will probably go against people’s expectations.
My expectations, here and now, include the following:
People will express thoughts and/or feelings in comments, below.
The United States of America will have a new President by 2021.
There are certain things I can control and other things I cannot control.
Letting go of expectations helps me be more committed to the present moment.
On Day 2525 of this blog I will include the song “In The Year 2525.”
What’s freaking me out is what I’m letting in.
I see no good reason to be wearing a grin.
Noises begin and reach a painful din.
What’s freaking me out is what I’m letting in.
Last night, Alice — whom I would title my co-worker and friend — and I saw a show titled So You Think You Can Dance Live with the 10 finalists of Season 16 including the incredible b-boy dancer Bailey Muñoz, who won the title of “America’s Favorite Dancer.”
The title of any of my daily posts could be “Gratitude,” so thanks to all who help me create these daily posts, including YOU.
Let’s look at the meaning of today’s title: “Looks can be deceiving.”
looks can be deceiving/deceptive
idiom
—used to say that something can be very different from how it seems or appears to be
The restaurant doesn’t look very appealing, but looks can be deceiving/deceptive.
I think many things and people can be deceiving, especially these days. I wish that those who are commenting on the deceiving people would focus less on their looks and more on their deeds. For example, I’m tired of hearing how
Rudy Giuliani looks like a ghoul or a vampire (even if these observations are appropriate to the season) and
Donald Trump looks like a cheeto or something else orange.
After all, looks can be deceiving. I’m sure there are people out there looking like ghouls, vampires, cheetos, or other odd-looking things who are honest, kind, and effective leaders. Likewise, there are people out there who look great and are deceiving, manipulative, and scary.
… many social scientists and others who study the science of stereotyping say there are reasons we quickly size people up based on how they look. Snap judgments about people are crucial to the way we function, they say — even when those judgments are very wrong.
On a very basic level, judging people by appearance means putting them quickly into impersonal categories, much like deciding whether an animal is a dog or a cat. “Stereotypes are seen as a necessary mechanism for making sense of information,” said David Amodio, an assistant professor of psychology at New York University. “If we look at a chair, we can categorize it quickly even though there are many different kinds of chairs out there.”
Eons ago, this capability was of life-and-death importance, and humans developed the ability to gauge other people within seconds.
Susan Fiske, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Princeton, said that traditionally, most stereotypes break down into two broad dimensions: whether a person appears to have malignant or benign intent and whether a person appears dangerous. “In ancestral times, it was important to stay away from people who looked angry and dominant,” she said.
Women are also subdivided into “traditionally attractive” women, who “don’t look dominant, have baby-faced features,” Professor Fiske said. “They’re not threatening.”
Indeed, attractiveness is one thing that can make stereotypes self-fulfilling and reinforcing. Attractive people are “credited with being socially skilled,” Professor Fiske said, and maybe they are, because “if you’re beautiful or handsome, people laugh at your jokes and interact with you in such a way that it’s easy to be socially skilled.”
“If you’re unattractive, it’s harder to get all that stuff because people don’t seek you out,” she said.
AGE plays a role in forging stereotypes, too, with older people traditionally seen as “harmless and useless,” Professor Fiske said. In fact, she said, research has shown that racial and ethnic stereotypes are easier to change over time than gender and age stereotypes, which are “particularly sticky.”
Since I’m an older woman, I have to work extra hard to prove that I am neither useless nor any other “particularly sticky” stereotype. I’m sure I’m not alone in needing to show that looks can be deceiving.
Let’s see if looks can be deceiving in any of my photos from yesterday.
