When you reach out to somebody clearly expressing a wish to connect and you consistently get nothing in return, it’s a shame. I mean, that’s not only an unfortunate and perplexing experience, it also triggers the shame response, which (according to Google) looks like this:
(image found here)
When I experience the shame response, I
- feel the urge to withdraw and hide,
- try to figure out why there’s been no reaction to my attempts to connect,
- remember that experiencing shame in response to perceived devaluation or rejection is a universal human reaction and that there’s no shame in shame, and
- resolve to reconnect more effectively — if not to the same person then to others.
What do you do when you experience the shame response to perceived devaluation or rejection?
I think it’s a shame if I don’t share my photos from yesterday.
It’s a shame that the last image shows a color copy of a 20 dollar bill and not the real thing.
Here‘s “It’s a Shame” by The Spinners:
Knowing that your input is important to others helps dispel the shame response. Questions? Concerns? Suggestions?
It’s a shame if I don’t remember to thank all who helped me create today’s post and — of course! — YOU.
It’s not you that should feel shame, Ann, it’s the person that does not reply to a reach-out.