Ever since I’ve been on anticoagulant medication (for most of the time I’ve been writing this blog), I’ve been afraid of falling, so I take great care not to fall.
Yesterday, despite my efforts not to fall, I felt myself falling on my walk to work. I tried not to fall, but you can’t fight city hall and sometimes you can’t fight a fall.
As I was falling and I saw the cold, hard sidewalk rushing up to meet me, I thought,
- I didn’t expect this.
- I hope I won’t bruise too much.
- I’m probably going to feel this for a while.
- I bet this looks interesting to other people.
After falling, I stayed down, checking myself. I was glad I hadn’t hit my head or my Implantable Cardiac Device (ICD). I didn’t think I had broken anything. I couldn’t see any bruising. People in cars rolled down their windows and asked, “Are you all right?” I replied, “I THINK so.” A woman walking behind me asked if I was okay and she helped me get up off the sidewalk. She said, “Did you slip on the ice?” We looked around and didn’t see any ice. I said, “I think I just caught my toe on something.” Everybody else I told about falling yesterday asked, “Did you slip on the ice?” I could have easily fallen into a white lie and said, “Yes,” but lying is not one of my fallings.
An hour before the falling, I had called to make an appointment to see a doctor about the ongoing pain around my ICD, so I had the relief of knowing I would see a doctor later that day. And because I naturally fall into trying to look at the bright side, I thought, “Well, maybe the pain from this fall will distract me from the other pain.”
And it did. As the morning went on, my falling resulted in increasing pain in my shoulder. It hurt to draw this on the whiteboard in my Wednesday morning group:
Because many members of the group had many obligations and worries falling on them, I suggested that they draw a protective circle around themselves and write down the things that were bothering them outside the circle. I invited them to include the realities of the present moment inside the circle with them.
Inside my circle, I wrote “warmth,” “safety,” and “pain” among other things. Outside the circle, I wrote “falling,”” “hard sidewalks,” and “pain” among other things.
Since falling, I’ve seen a doctor and had an X-ray. There are no breaks or dislocations. I’m using ice and Extra Strength Tylenol to ease the pains from my falling.
I’m falling into a prediction that I’ll be feeling pain on my birthday tomorrow but I’ll also be feeling joy for having the strength to get up, again, after falling.
While you listen to Alicia Keys singin’ “Fallin’,” here are more photos I took after falling:
Gotta go ice my shoulder and go to work. Plan for the day: Avoid Falling.
As usual, I’m falling into gratitude for all who helped me create today’s post and — of course! — for YOU.