Day 1521: No need to apologize

Whenever somebody apologizes in group therapy, I automatically say “No need to apologize.”

I don’t apologize for that response, because my experience is that people apologize too much, especially when they’re feeling anxious or self-conscious. And in my therapy groups, I observe people learning to break the habit of apologizing for  being themselves and for being human. No need to apologize for that kind of progress.

But what if there IS a need for somebody to apologize?  Should I still say, “No need to apologize?”

No need to apologize for my asking more questions about the need to apologize:

  1. When is there a need to apologize?
  2. How do you apologize?
  3. How do you respond to apologies?
  4. Is there a need to apologize for taking only one photo all day yesterday?

 

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No need to apologize for sharing the song “Apologize” by OneRepublic.

No need to apologize if you have some thoughts and feelings about the need to apologize. No need to apologize if you leave or if you don’t leave a comment.

There IS a need to apologize if I don’t express my gratitude to all who helped me create today’s post and to you — of course! — for being here, now.

Categories: group therapy, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , | 34 Comments

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34 thoughts on “Day 1521: No need to apologize

  1. love means never having to say you’re sorry. NOT!! That movie did not tell the truth! I think it is important to learn to say you are sorry if indeed you have wronged someone, but also feel people throw around I’m sorry and don;t mean it and think that takes the onus off them. NOT again

  2. I’m not sorry I took the time to read your blog and leave you a good word to let you know I visited today.

  3. Sorry seems to be the hardest word, sang Elton. Says he. It does seem to be a reflex no matter the need, Ann. Have a good day.

  4. Sorry is a word we use a lot as an automatic reflex, apologising for something we haven’t done or are even responsible for. We even pose it as a question when we didn’t quite catch something in conversation! No wonder we are so misunderstood.

  5. I totally apologize way to much and appreciate you for the reminder that I do not have to apologize for being me. Thanks!

  6. Maybe there’s no need to apologize but I never thought before to check the origins of the word “apologize”. It comes from the Greek for ” to speak in defence”, according to the OED, which also gives this as its first definition: “To speak in, or serve as, justification, explanation, or palliation of a fault, failure, or anything that may cause dissatisfaction”.
    That seems strange to me. I think apologies should never be defensive, nor should they be justifications. I have two rules for apologies:
    1. Accept full responsibility.
    2. Try not to do anything you’ll have to apologize for.
    I accept that the second is impossible which makes the first a little easier.

  7. I am one who says sorry when I need to, it is something that has to be instilled in the young, saying sorry when sorry is needed and saying it with meaning and not just empty words my grandson will say sorry and you can see and hear he doesn’t mean it so what is the point in saying the words

  8. Sometimes I apologize immediately and sometimes after reflection, when I realize I may have offended. As for accepting apologies, it does depend on the seriousness of the offense. Sometimes someone doesn’t need to apologize and sometimes they do. Occasionally an apology isn’t enough. Not often, but sometimes I decide someone is not worth the trouble. it would be nice not to do anything I’d have to apologize for, but experience tells me I haven’t reached that level of …ummm… perfection yet.

  9. I have found that “I’m sorry” can be most welcome when we’ve overstepped a boundary or raised our voice trying to communicate with our spouse. It’s a way of acknowledging we know we messed up. It doesn’t undo the offense but lets the other know we know we could have handled that situation better and we regret it. My two cents!

  10. I do agree with you, Ann, that often we apologize for a feeling or emotion that comes up, and most often there is no need. I do apologize more if I’m uncomfortable. I think when apologies are truly sincere they serve the purpose of keeping communication unblocked from potential misunderstandings. I think your group therapy sessions must be tremendously safe and helpful, Ann.

  11. Apologyshmlogy. Yes. I, and 93 % of people around me say it too much. 🙂 I will tell people they do not need to apologize. And I have recanted my apologies. But sigh….sometimes I owe them. And sometimes I am owed them. 🙂 Sometimes we get it right.

  12. Apologizing is a form of courtesy, yet it can start to be used often too frequently at times.

  13. Sorry 🙂

  14. Ah, but I need to apologise for visiting so rarely. I am having trouble keeping up with life so I have to ration my blog time, but I do love dropping in occasionally.

  15. No need to apologize for only providing one photo. Sometimes all we need is one message that speaks volumes.

  16. Find this extremely interesting!….

    Thanks for following my blog…I’m doing the same with yours……

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