Day 1373: Dreams

Yesterday, my  12th day after open heart surgery,  I fell asleep and had a dream of  being lifted suddenly by unseen hands and carried, very rapidly, as I lay flat on my back, through many rooms and hallways. In the dream, I thought, “Oh no!  Ghosts are taking me away!” I screamed in the dream, the dream faded, and I woke up in my  bed at home.

Somewhat of an expert on dreams (because I’m a psychotherapist), I asked myself, “What did that dream mean?” And I realized the dream captured the dreamlike experience  of being wheeled down hospital hallways into  operating rooms, which has happened to me more times than you could possibly dream between the ages of 10 and 63.

Then, I got ready for my dream of a friend, Carol, to pick me up and carry me to my appointment at the Coumadin/Warfarin clinic at Tufts Medical Center in Boston, to find out if I would be able to eat all the foods of my dreams on this new medication.  The nurse there, Kathleen, was a dream, as she allayed my fears and told me I would probably be able to eat whatever I wanted (including chocolate!), as long as I did so consistently.

Then, I told Carol I wanted to drop in on members of my Cardiology Dream Team at Tufts Medical Center, who hadn’t yet seen me since my surgery at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota on September 21. I assumed my appearance would exceed their wildest dreams. And while most patients wouldn’t dream of dropping in unexpectedly on their doctors, my cardiologist Dr. Mark Estes has demonstrated (see my previous dreamy blog post here), that he is fine with my doing that.

The next hour was like a dream.  Dr. Mark Estes showed up trailed by five students and told me I looked like a dream — better than he had ever seen me in our decades of working together.  I told Dr. Estes that I might have been dreaming, but I thought I had heard various people at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota state that my heart was in a normal/sinus rhythm after the operation, instead of its usual atrial fibrillation.

Let me explain why my heart going out of atrial fibrillation and into normal/sinus rhythm, even for a limited amount of time, would be a very unlikely dream come true.

  1. My heart went out of normal rhythm and into atrial fibrillation almost exactly three years ago today (described in this here dreamy blog post).
  2. At that time, my doctors agreed it did not make sense for them to try any non-surgical means to return my heart to a normal rhythm, because the atria were so stretched out from my leaky valve that my heart would almost definitely return to a-fib.
  3. When I had my last cardiac procedure in May of 2015, Dr.  Estes told me that my fibrillating atria were even bigger — “the size of a grapefruit, instead of the normal size of a walnut.”
  4.  My other cardiologist, Dr. Deeb Salem,  had a dream: he hoped that the surgeon at the Mayo Clinic, when performing the open heart surgery twelve days ago to replace my leaky valve, might also use a surgical technique (called the Maze technique) to try to get my heart back into a normal rhythm.
  5. When I discussed that possibility with the Mayo doctors, they all agreed that the added surgical time of two hours was NOT worth the risk, since the chances of any technique returning me to normal rhythm was highly unlikely.
  6. At that point, I let go of the dream of my heart getting out of atrial fibrillation, and instead focused on preparing myself for the heart valve replacement surgery.

So when I told Dr. Estes yesterday that I thought I had heard people at the Mayo Clinic say that I  was out of a-fib after my surgery, he looked like he thought I was dreaming. He said, “Ann, if your heart DID get back  into sinus rhythm post surgery, that would have lasted for a very short time. I am skeptical it happened at all.”

And then everybody  — Dr. Estes, the students, Carol, me, and others — watched yesterday, as if in a dream, as we accessed the data stored in my pacemaker/defibrillator to see what kind of rhythms my dreamy heart had been generating recently, when I’ve been awake and dreaming.

As if in a dream, my dream team cardiologist, Dr. Mark Estes, announced to all of us: “You’re in sinus rhythm.  And you’ve been out of a fib and in normal rhythm consistently since your surgery on September 21.”

I responded, “My boyfriend Michael would call this a Christmas miracle.”  I heard Carol say, dreamily and sweetly, “Today is the Jewish New Year.”  Everybody looked happy, like in a dream or in a special on the Hallmark Movie Channel where the heroine does better than anybody dreamed possible.

How did this better-than-anybody-could-possibly-have-dreamed result occur?  I have a dreamy memory of a discussion, last week, with a Mayo Clinic EKG technician, who told me I was in normal/sinus rhythm when he visited me in the Intensive Care Unit.  Perhaps, we speculated, when they stopped my heart and then restarted it after the open heart surgery, that helped my heart’s rhythm — just how we often fix our phones, computers, and other devices  by turning them off and turning them back on again. Sometimes, the simplest solution works better than our wildest dreams.

After this dream of a visit with Dr. Estes, Carol carried me away in her car and drove me home to my dreamy boyfriend Michael. I told him the good news, as if in a dream. Later, when I shared the good news with my dreamy 18-year-old son, Aaron — far far away in the dreamy land of Scotland — Aaron texted me: “It sounds like a magical fairy wonderland situation over there.”

Magical and MUCH better than the scary dream that started out my dream of a day, yesterday.

I also want to say, at this point in this dreamy post, that it’s very possible that my dream of a heart with its shiny new valve might go back into atrial fibrillation — tomorrow, next week, or some other point in the future.  However, I wouldn’t dream of lowering my heart’s expectations right now — that heart of mine has exceeded everybody’s dreams for sooooooo long.

When I was dreaming under general anesthesia last week at the Mayo Clinic, my surgeon played dreamy music by our favorite saxophonist, the late Michael Brecker. On this dreamy day, 13 days later, here is one of my favorite tunes by Dreams, the 1970s dream team of Michael Brecker, his brother and trumpet-player Randy Brecker, the dreamily fabulous drummer Billy Cobham, dreamy bassist Will Lee, and other dreamily amazing jazz musicians.

 

 

Because my readers appreciate photos I take beyond my wildest dreams, here are all the dreamy images I captured yesterday:

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You know what?  Yesterday still feels like a dream to me ….  too good to be true. And I don’t have any photos showing Dr. Estes, the medical students, Carol, Kathleen the nurse, or any of other people I dreamily wrote about in this post.

So …. maybe it was all a dream?

What do you think, my dreamy readers?

Dreamy thanks to all those who helped me create this dream of a post and to you  — of course! — for whatever dreams you bring, here and now.

Categories: adult congenital heart, celebrating, heart condition, heart surgery, personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 53 Comments

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53 thoughts on “Day 1373: Dreams

  1. Dream until your dreams come true…S. Tyler.

  2. A dream come true, it seems

  3. This read like a dream Ann!!!! 🙂

  4. MAG

    Dream ? No, Ann, true !!

  5. “A dream is a wish your heart makes
    When you’re fast asleep
    In dreams you will lose your heartache
    Whatever you wish for you keep”

    Read more: Disney – A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes Lyrics | MetroLyrics

    How wonderful you are doing so well.

  6. Gene Phillips

    With Sayoko having had to go through cardioversion once to get out of A-fib, I have some understanding of just what a dream this is. May your sinus rhythm long continue.

  7. KAREN FUNKENSTEIN

    Mazel Tov on having no a-fib. It is a miracle! And so I wish you a happy and healthy new year. Love, Karen

  8. Love, love, love, love, love this real life dream!

  9. Next time flip over onto your stomach and fly like Supergirl. You are in charge of your dreams. Good news on the AF scene. Fingers crossed that it continues its harmonious beat! We can dream!

  10. Isn’t this exciting? I’m thrilled the ghostly dream could be interpreted by you as residue from being shuttled around on that gurney. Being clinically astute and psychologically minded is a great gift! How dreamy that the Tufts team were so pleased with your current a-fib-less state. Dream on!

  11. Livin’ the dream! This post made me cry – you SO deserve it after all of these years. You’re entire life is a miracle!!

  12. So glad your heart dream came true. May all your drams materialize!

  13. “All that we see or seem
    Is but a dream within a dream.”
    Edgar Allan Poe is the perfect poet for this dreamy time of year, but the best thing about your dream is it’s a shared dream. The Red King has dreamed of your heart and we are all in it together.

  14. How strange we both wrote about dreams one day apart! Are we dreaming? If so, don’t wake us up!

  15. What a wonderful dream come true. Unplugging and turning it back on makes a lot of sense!! Your body knew just what to do Ann 💐

  16. Bloody fantastic!

  17. Great news! Re-boot My Heart — the anthem of the broken-hearted relentlessly aching for love. 🙂

  18. Kathy

    Sent from my Verizon Wireless 4G LTE smartphone

  19. Dreaming your dream come true remains your dream the rest of your life. I LOVE your cat! ❤

  20. Dreams do come true- and I must mention that is a dreamy looking meal you’ve got there. I think your heart was rebooted and got into its proper rhythm Ann!

  21. Wonderful news, Ann. With so many people truly pulling for you I think a Christmas miracle is just about right! I’m so happy to hear this!

  22. Pingback: Day 1384: Too ____ To Be True | The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally

  23. Let all your good dreams come true, Ann 🙂

  24. Pingback: Day 1490: Dreams | The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally

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