Day 913: It takes one to know one

When somebody gives me a compliment, I often reply:

It takes one to know one.

I believe that, too. Seeing a positive attribute —  like kindness, generosity, humor, or creativity —  means you have some of that quality, also. Otherwise, you wouldn’t recognize or value it.

Yesterday, at an EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy session. I said

It takes one to know one

in a very different way, about a painful and persistent memory from when I was a child in the hospital.

As I’ve described in a previous post, a very unkind, ungenerous, humorless, and non-creative Doctor Hyatt, in 1963, responded to my telling him I was in excruciating pain by:

  • calling me a “spoiled brat”
  • refusing to help in any way,
  • saying, “You’re just doing this for attention and there are really sick children here!” and
  • leaving me alone, in my hospital room.

Then, I was

  • still in pain,
  • shamed, for expressing pain,
  • worried that I had somehow caused  harm to the sick children all around me, and
  • horribly confused by why an adult had gotten so angry at me, when  all I had done was try to survive.

In some ways, I have spent my whole life, since then, trying to figure out and let go of that experience.

Yesterday, in EMDR therapy, I revisited that encounter with Dr. Hyatt, and I

  • beat the stuffing out of a pillow,
  • yelled, “You’re fired!” and
  • replied to being labeled a spoiled brat with “It takes one to know one!”

After that session, I hope to be less inclined to fear other people suddenly becoming angry at me, for no reason.

You know?

It took one to know one, yesterday, in these photos I took, one after another:

It takes one music-lover to know one wonderful piece of music, heard yesterday on one car radio, after that EMDR session:

One performance of Pachelbel‘s Canon on YouTube has taken WAY more than one to know one —  that video has over 24 million views.

One more one thing to know: it takes one blogger to know one (or more) reactions from you, with gratitude.

Knowing thanks to my EMDR therapist, George, to everybody else who contributed to my creating this post, and to you — of course! — for visiting here, today.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , | 56 Comments

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56 thoughts on “Day 913: It takes one to know one

  1. I wonder if your offensive and offending pediatric Masshole doctor from then ever knew he was one, Ann. I surely hope so. I repeat my reaction from our talk in the Happy Cottage. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

    But I shall let it go, as you are. Great job.

  2. Ahhhhhh….There’s a reason that Canon has so many views…a thing of beauty…but so is that pork doubt on its way to being pulled. ☺

  3. I’d never thought of treating “It takes one to know one” as a compliment, but it’s such a lovely idea. It reminds me of the Renaissance idea that the beauty we see in the world is really a reflection of the beauty in ourselves. His poem “The Ecstasy” was all about this idea. His life and Pachelbel’s briefly overlapped. I’m sorry Dr. Hyatt didn’t know any of this. It sounds like he didn’t know much about medicine either.

    I just love the contrast between the “pet inspired world” and the meat counter, and the boneless Boston butt paired with a full moon. Like that one pictured driver I have no idea where I’m going, but I’m enjoying the ride.

    • The Ecstasy
      by John Donne

      Where, like a pillow on a bed
      A pregnant bank swell’d up to rest
      The violet’s reclining head,
      Sat we two, one another’s best.
      Our hands were firmly cemented
      With a fast balm, which thence did spring;
      Our eye-beams twisted, and did thread
      Our eyes upon one double string;
      So to’intergraft our hands, as yet
      Was all the means to make us one,
      And pictures in our eyes to get
      Was all our propagation.
      As ‘twixt two equal armies fate
      Suspends uncertain victory,
      Our souls (which to advance their state
      Were gone out) hung ‘twixt her and me.
      And whilst our souls negotiate there,
      We like sepulchral statues lay;
      All day, the same our postures were,
      And we said nothing, all the day.
      If any, so by love refin’d
      That he soul’s language understood,
      And by good love were grown all mind,
      Within convenient distance stood,
      He (though he knew not which soul spake,
      Because both meant, both spake the same)
      Might thence a new concoction take
      And part far purer than he came.
      This ecstasy doth unperplex,
      We said, and tell us what we love;
      We see by this it was not sex,
      We see we saw not what did move;
      But as all several souls contain
      Mixture of things, they know not what,
      Love these mix’d souls doth mix again
      And makes both one, each this and that.
      A single violet transplant,
      The strength, the colour, and the size,
      (All which before was poor and scant)
      Redoubles still, and multiplies.
      When love with one another so
      Interinanimates two souls,
      That abler soul, which thence doth flow,
      Defects of loneliness controls.
      We then, who are this new soul, know
      Of what we are compos’d and made,
      For th’ atomies of which we grow
      Are souls, whom no change can invade.
      But oh alas, so long, so far,
      Our bodies why do we forbear?
      They’are ours, though they’are not we; we are
      The intelligences, they the spheres.
      We owe them thanks, because they thus
      Did us, to us, at first convey,
      Yielded their senses’ force to us,
      Nor are dross to us, but allay.
      On man heaven’s influence works not so,
      But that it first imprints the air;
      So soul into the soul may flow,
      Though it to body first repair.
      As our blood labors to beget
      Spirits, as like souls as it can,
      Because such fingers need to knit
      That subtle knot which makes us man,
      So must pure lovers’ souls descend
      T’ affections, and to faculties,
      Which sense may reach and apprehend,
      Else a great prince in prison lies.
      To’our bodies turn we then, that so
      Weak men on love reveal’d may look;
      Love’s mysteries in souls do grow,
      But yet the body is his book.
      And if some lover, such as we,
      Have heard this dialogue of one,
      Let him still mark us, he shall see
      Small change, when we’are to bodies gone.

  4. Hope you are able one day to let go of the anger. I know it is possible, as it takes on to know one.

    I have a nephew with an IQ of about 50. He has a very kind employer who has him work about 20 hours a week and provides him help when he needs it. He lived at home and saved money for years. Then he went to apply for SSI so he could rent a small studio apartment near his sister (he is there now and she sees him daily as does his mom and they both help him).

    But, because of his saved up money, he was turned down for SSI and told that “some people” really need it. Well, he does too. IQ of 50 and working as much as he is capable of! The SSI will allow him to keep is little apartment. He has gone through his savings now, so if they turn him down again he has to move back with mom and dad.

    We all think it is important for him to live on his own and slowly learn the skills he needs to survive out there. Mom and Dad won’t be there for him forever.

    I was initially very angry at the social worker. Now I am sorry for her that she could not see what a wonderful gift his family is giving him by helping him learn to live alone.

    • I appreciate the wonderful gifts you give us, Emilie, every time you comment. Thank you for all that you know.

  5. You kicked Boston butt with this one Ann!
    I say “it takes one to know one” too 🙂
    You Dr from hell experience reminds me of my dentist from hell when I was young. He didn’t believe me when I said the anesthetic wasn’t working. He thought I was being a fearful little girl. Of course, it hadn’t worked. So although the experience was excruciating for me – he had to live with himself for extracting a molar from a child without anesthetic.
    I don’t wish harm on others, but I hope that Dr H came to his own personal realization.
    hugs xo

  6. You have a wonderful kind of ‘pay it forward’ attitude 🙂 You really do have great statues in Boston.

  7. Jan

    I love those bumper stickers!!! I also am very happy to know a beautiful, smart, funny, sarcastic, ‘out of the box’ type person as yourself……and now you say….hint hint wink wink nod nod

    • And now I say … ditto, back at you, you are all those things too, Jan.

      I’m very happy to be one who knows you, for sure.

  8. What a wonderful therapy experience! I have never heard of beating the stuffing out of a pillow and yelling in therapy. Did you feel brave, for yelling? You are amazing!

    • You see that I am brave and amazing, Maureen? It takes one to know one!

      • possiblystupidwriter

        There’s such lovely recursion going on here, Ann, as it does take one to know one…. and you are brave and amazing.

      • I appreciate this second lovely comment. You are a definitely brave, amazing (and not possibly stupid) writer, since it takes one to know one.

  9. yeoldefoole

    Boston Butt only $4.99/lb?!?! :O

  10. Finding Dr Hyatt and telling him off would bring me closure I think, but if the EMDR therapy is working for you, I am glad for that. It takes one to know one is right there with Great Minds Think Alike and a Heart Feels a Heart all of which I often use. Love those flowers and run like a girl reminded me of this video, in case you haven’t seen it, it is worth watching

  11. Hyatt has a lot to answer for

  12. Hi Ann! Great poem by by John Donne. Interesting that he was a metaphysical poet, metaphysics being an area that at times interests me. “It takes one to know one”, that is also related to some ideas originating from Freud, for example his “projection” as a defense mechanism, “Psychological projection is a theory in psychology in which humans defend themselves against unpleasant impulses by denying their existence in themselves, while attributing them to others. For example, a person who is rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude.”-Wiki


  13. Its amazing that people in power have the ability to do good…so much good. Yet some choose to be horrid specimens. And I bet half of them know and don’t care. I quit trying to understand people a while ago. But I do feel you, understand you, and love your coping mechanisms — i.e., the pillow!

  14. Loved the bumper stickers, especially “just try to keep up” and could that possibly have been Kokopelli on skis??? And the “like a girl” video was good, too. Your experience with that Dr. was just awful. It would sink into your head and stay there, popping out at horrible times. Glad you’re exorcising it.

    • Thanks for noticing Kokopelli; I missed that before! This comment was extremely helpful for me; I appreciate your knowing so much.

  15. I’m thinking boneless Boston butt is almost as bad as spineless Boston Ass, Ann! I love that you allowed yourself to let out the bad feelings regarding that spineless doctor you had as a child. ❤
    Diana xo

  16. I am sorry that someone who was supposed to be a healer and helper caused you so much pain. It takes so much strength and courage and an incredible spirit to mend and heal! You have a truly incredible spirit and the way you use your experiences to help others is a gift.
    It takes one to know one, and I am a lover of Pachalbel’s Canon in D. In fact, I walked down the aisle to it. As I was listening to it just now my 10 year old exclaimed, “I love that song” – so we played it again.
    I am always moved by your posts and pictures, but my heart and soul are with you (and every other child who has endured a similar experience) right now.

    • I know this: you are obviously an empathic, strong, courageous, soulful, loving person with incredible spirit and heart, and I am truly grateful to know you here.

  17. Oh how terrible that things didn’t go the way you wanted them to, pain is terrible and I know it as I suffer from terrible back pain

    • How terrible that you suffer from pain, Joanne, and how wonderful that you connect to others the way you do.

  18. Lots to love about this post. It took me back to a foolish memory from kindergarten where I had to spend time in the corner for something another child had done. I felt my world and my faith in adults had fallen apart. Lovely photos and bumper stickers, Pachelbel’s Canon and some wonderful Donne for extras. Thank you.

    • Lots to love — and have other feelings — about this comment, Hilary. It takes one resilient, wonderful woman to know another one.

  19. Maureen

  20. Maureen

    Oops, I posted that on the wrong day. I’m going to jump back to tomorrow and try again.

  21. It’s hard to think this but whatever gets you off the mat, that’s a blessing. Even if it’s a masshole doctor or, in my case, a college professor who asked me after I struggled in his class, “have you ever considered that maybe college isn’t for you?”

    It does take one to know one. I’m glad i know you.

    • I’m glad I know you, Eli. Knowing others and being known makes up for those who really don’t know us — like that college professor!

  22. Pingback: Day 941: Who would you bring in? | The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally

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