Day 760: Is it me?

Somebody said this in my office yesterday, during a therapy session:

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In that question, I heard all this:

  • Am I to blame?
  • Am I the only one?
  • Am I not seeing things clearly?
  • Am I strange?

How might YOU hear, ask, or answer that question …

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Today, I’m feeling sick and running a fever.

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It’s definitely me, Ann Koplow, running fevers between 99 and 101 F, since I got home from work last night.

Last year, I wrote  this post about running a fever, which turned out to be pneumonia, which kept me out of work for over a month.

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I don’t like to stay out of work that long, because I love what I do as an individual and group therapist.

My doctors and I have a plan that I should get tested whenever I run a fever, to prevent the possibility of endocarditis — an inflammation of the heart I’ve had three time before.

You might be thinking now:

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Shouldn’t Ann go get tested? Like NOW?”

Never fear; I have emailed my doctors to see what they advise.

I have a preference to NOT go into the hospital to see doctors any time soon, especially since my birthday is three days away.

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I don’t think that’s just me. Who would want to be in the hospital on their birthday?

I don’t know if you notice, but I tend to catastrophize worst case scenarios. “I have a fever! Oh NO! It’s something AWFUL! I’m going to be in the hospital ON MY BIRTHDAY!!”

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Actually, catastrophizing and quickly going to worst case scenarios is NOT just me. I witness people doing that all the time, in individual and group therapy.

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It’s me, again, letting you know that I heard back from Dr. Salem, my incredibly speedy and wonderful cardiologist, telling me that I should go in to the hospital today and get tested for flu and endocarditis.

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I don’t think it’s just me who would have this reaction: I don’t want to go out in the cold and soon-to-be-snowy conditions, here in the Northeastern USA. However, I will. I’m a very good patient (I’ve had lots of practice) and I completely trust my doctors.

One more

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… before I end this post.  Am I alone in thinking all these photos are interesting and beautiful, in their own way?

Image1 (2) Image1 (3) Image1 (4) Image1 (6) Image1 (7)

Many thanks to Dr. Salem and to everybody who has ever thought or said, “Is it me?”

Is it you?

Categories: personal growth, staying healthy | Tags: , , , , | 51 Comments

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51 thoughts on “Day 760: Is it me?

  1. Get well soon! 🙂

  2. PLEASE ANN – GO TO THE HOSPITAL AND GET BETTER!

    • It’s you, Julie!!! I have an appointment to get tested today at 2 PM. I have teams of doctors working on this, so I’m hoping for an excellent conclusion.

      • So worried about you – let me know please!

      • I was worried, too, until I heard back from Dr. Salem. Now I know that we’ll figure it out. And chances are it’s nothing serious. Everybody runs fevers … it’s not just me! Thanks for being you, Julie.

      • Relieved and off to be now, Ann xxxxxxx

  3. Hope you’re well again very soon. Take care.

  4. Get well soon 🙂 Can’t wait for your birthday post

  5. It is me that’s worried. That’s part of my responsibilities with Team Ann, and I gladly accept that along with: encourage, support, cheer, take portions of blog tests, search for appropriate YouTube song embed codes, comment daily. Wow! Can I use you as a reference, Ann Koplow?

    Please be careful navigating the third storm of this week to get to that 2 p.m. appointment despite your fever so the medical component of Team Ann can check you for that pesky and worrisome endocarditis pronto, and clear the deck for that birthday three days hence.

    What wonderful photos they are today!

    • You can definitely use me as a reference, Mark, but why not join with me in letting go of worry? I would still give you a good report, with all the other things you do here.

      Is it me or isn’t Journey’s “Lights” the BEST song EVER to sing along to (which is what I’m doing now). Thanks for being such a great team player, on this journey.

      • It is a sing-along song like no other, Ann. I have bellowed with Steve Perry through the decades. Let go of worry? Like a fretless bass player? Let’s take the journey, Ann …

  6. Oh, Ann, I hope you aren’t sick for long. Get well! (Btw, you aren’t the only one who catastrophizes stuff; I’m so guilty of that. Having health issues at the moment I need to check into.)

    Jennifer xo

  7. Marcia Dubreuil

    Actually, Ann, I think it’s me. Really thinking of you today, slogging through the snowdrifts with a fever on your way to the hospital just a few days before your birthday. Man! You are my hero. Hang in there.

  8. Way to go, Ann-stay on top of things. Get well soon-and enjoy your b-day at home.
    I spent two birthdays in the hospital-one, when I was five while convalesing from polio. The other, was the day I was born.
    -Alan

  9. Be well soon …

  10. I think we all think those thoughts — especially if we have had a major illness in our lives. Every time I go get a mammogram I think “They’re going to find more cancer.” So far I’m free, and I’m trying to pay more attention to my body. I know you love your work but love yourself too, and if the doctor says stay home, then stay home. Keep writing — THAT will keep your mind going!

  11. I’m with Mark! We are all on Team Ann!
    Glad you got the tests done today. Take whatever action you can and give yourself tender loving care.
    Sending you a ((HUG))

  12. Ann, I love you! Is that weird to say? Wishing you the very best results on your trip to the hospital. Be safe, warm, healthy and blessed. ❤
    Diana xo

    • Is it me that I think that is NOT weird? I love you, too, Diana.

      I’m home from the doctor’s visit and here’s the score card so far: (1) NO pneumonia, (2) NO flu, (3) chances are it’s NOT endocarditis, but we’ll know for sure in five days. So, I am going to concentrate on rest and actually enjoying some downtime. Is that weird?

  13. Oh Ann, you could have done without this. Get well and be out again for you Birthday. I have never forgotten the day I went to my mum-in-law’s house to tell her that Dad (my father-in-law) had been knocked down by a car (he survived and recovered well). Her instant reaction was ‘I must have done something.’ She was trying to blame herself! Why do we heap blame on ourselves so irrationally?… No, don’t answer, get a hot bottle and obey those doctors of yours until you are better.

  14. Get better soon and have a happy birthday.

  15. Yes, I think sort of asking these (4 bullets) questions myself. Hmm.

  16. Is it me are words we have all said either aloud to someone else or silently to ourselves life is better when we can say it’s not me

  17. Is it me? Yes, along with all of your other troopers. We wish you a speedy recovery, a fever that flits away as quickly as it came. And, we are thankful that you would question, “Is it me?” It led you to notifying your doctors. Kudos!

    “Is it me?” I have asked my doctor(s) along my journey through life. Each time I would ask this question I would unearth a wealth of knowledge that had conveniently hidden itself within my subconscious mind. “Of course it is me!” Learning to accept my responsibility for allowing or enabling the negatives allowed me to sprout roots of clarity, and from them the vine that grew strength to crawl, creep, twist and tangle. Growth is not easy, but it is extremely rewarding. Some days I travel two steps forward, reversing three back upon the following day.

    Thank you for asking, “Is it me?” I’m thankful that you have Dr. Salem. Very thankful. 🎀

  18. Oh! I hope your fever is down by morning, Ann. Sending cooling thoughts…

  19. Pingback: Day 761: You don’t look flu-ish | The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally

  20. Is it me
    or is it the bird’s song beside me
    The daily transport to Nature’s sleeve
    Putting my dress on to wear this spring

    Perhaps too early to know
    Will these drafty winds really blow
    To touch me;
    Amidst highs and lows;

    Is it me
    or is it the sun clearing up the snow
    or is it the moon’s glow on the ocean’s tide, low
    What else is there, to know….

  21. Sending you positive thoughts over the internet. Get well soon. Hugs!

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