Day 754: Réparation

For the first time in these Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally, the title of the post is in French!

And, for the second time in these Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally, the title of a post appears on a shampoo bottle. Here’s the first time, from a recent trip to New York City, co-starring my friend Deb:


Here’s the second time, co-starring Penny the Pen:


The topic of this post is reparative experiences, which I THINK is what réparation means. If réparation does not mean what I think it means, my excuse is: “I don’t speak French!”

Yesterday, I had a reparative experience.  I returned to a hospital where I had my first Transesophageal Echo (TEE) several years ago, when I was recovering from a mild bout of endocarditis. (I say “mild bout of endocarditis” because I guessed I had endocarditis very early on and we were able to treat it with antibiotics before my heart suffered any damage needing réparation.)

That first TEE experience, years ago, was awful for me.  When I’ve described it to nurses and other people in the know, they have offered this suggestion for réparation:

Maybe you weren’t sedated enough, that time.  Maybe they did the TEE without enough drugs.

That didn’t make sense to me, since I have such trust in my doctors and the hospital where I receive my medical care.

So, I had a lot of fear about yesterday’s TEE.

How did I seek réparation for that fear, yesterday morning?

  • I made sure to ask for help, from my trusted friend Carol, who generously agreed to drive me to the TEE procedure, to spend as much time as she could with me during the TEE, and to drive me back home afterwards.
  • I wrote this here post, while I was waiting for Carol to arrive.
  • I took some photos, to distract myself, after I finished yesterday’s post:


IMG_4827 IMG_4829

One reparative thought, while I was taking those photos:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

However, I couldn’t eat that apple, because I had stopped all water and food intake the midnight before, as necessary (p)réparation for the procedure.  And sure enough, doctors were NOT kept away.

On the drive to the TEE, Carol and I saw this:


We saw that license plate with the initials JW, just as we were discussing our mutual friend Jeanette W (who has appeared in this other reparative post about an NYC visit).

I didn’t take any other réparation photos on the way to the TEE, because I was too nervous. Why?

  • I was on my way to having my second TransEsophageal Echocardiogram, people!
  • We were running a little late, and
  • As I was calling the echo lab to let them know we would be a little late, Carol got on the Massachusetts Turnpike IN THE WRONG DIRECTION.

Because being with Carol is a reparative experience no matter what is happening, we both survived that, quite nicely.

Here are some non-reparative experiences that happened on my way to my TEE, that I also survived:

  1. Because I was already 20 minutes late, I had Carol drop me off at an entrance I thought would provide a reparative short-cut to the location of my test.
  2. That entrance to the hospital, which used to provide the réparation of open access, was now reparatively or non-reparatively closed to the general public.
  3. I got somebody to reparatively buzz me into that entrance.
  4. That entrance, in réparation to something I could not understand, no longer provided direct access to the building where the TEE was taking place.
  5. People there, in réparation, gave me directions to the location of the test, which happened to be in the most confusing spot in the hospital.
  6. For whatever reason, I got temporarily lost in a hospital where I have had many réparations over the course of many years.
  7. The repáration “short-cut” involved more time, multiple stairs, and several elevators.

When I finally arrived at the echo lab, I suggested to the nice staff person there — as possible réparation — that perhaps I was TOO LATE TO HAVE THE TEST?!?!

No such luck.  Temporarily losing track of my hospital registration card also did NOT provide my fantasy réparation of cancelling the test, either.

I then called Carol, in (p)réparation of the distinct possibility that she might get lost trying to find me. I reached her, right after she parked her car, and gave her reparative directions.

Let’s see if I took any more réparation photos, before the beginning of the TEE …


That’s Gina, who was my nurse for the procedure.  However, this post needs some réparation, here and now. I took that photo AFTER the TEE, not before it.

In any case, here’s what I want to tell you about Gina, who provided much réparation for yesterday’s TEE experience:

  1. Gina suggested a theory for why my first TEE was so awful: I have naturally low blood pressure, which probably required less sedation than usual. Sedation lowers blood pressure further, so standard sedation, that first time, might have required serious réparation.
  2. Gina took my blood pressure yesterday before the procedure started and it was unusually high, probably because of all the non-reparative experiences I had on the way to the TEE.
  3. Gina — as you can see in that photo  — is a New York Yankees fan working in a Boston hospital, which may or may not need réparation, depending on your perspective.

In case my post is confusing you in any way at this point, allow me to provide some réparation:

I got the standard amount of sedation yesterday for my TransEsophageal Echocardiogram, and it was MUCH EASIER.

Here are some more réparation photos I took yesterday, after I had recovered sufficiently from the TEE:


That’s Gina’s hand, holding my tee shirt. Get the pun,* people?


That’s Carol, with her beautiful smile. Get the pun,* people?

IMG_4835 IMG_4836 IMG_4837

That last photo shows these réparations:

  1. I’m home.
  2. I’ve removed all those friggin’ little leftovers of cardiac tests.

Here’s some repáration music I’ve been listening to lately, thanks to reparative blogging experiences provided here by Maria F., Mark Bialczak, coffeegrounded, and Maureen:

What do you think about all these réparations?

Thanks and réparations to Carol, Gina, Penny, the doctor and the cardiology fellow who also conducted my TEE (not pictured), Deb, Jeanette, Maria F., Mark Bialczak, coffeegrounded, Maureen, and everybody everywhere who has ever provided reparative experiences for anybody else, including you, of course!

* If my boyfriend Michael or anybody else who dislikes puns reads this post, I cannot offer any réparation.

Categories: inspiration, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , | 42 Comments

Post navigation

42 thoughts on “Day 754: Réparation

  1. What a star Buddy Holly was! Nice to see Penny again 🙂

  2. such wonderful souvenirs
    and gifts shared, Ann!
    so happy you lived
    to tell the tale 🙂

  3. I think you did well and I am glad to hear that.

  4. I’m glad that with the proper (p)réparation, meaning exercise, you had a much easier TEE this time.

  5. I am in awe of you and your reparation — I can’t find the accent e on my keyboard — and I’m Canadian! oh dear – that will need some reparation!

    glad you got through your TEE and home to peel off the stickies, and the stress.


    • On my keyboard, Louise, if I press and hold the e key, all the necessary options appear. Easy, just like my test yesterday. Thanks for the reparative experience of another visit from you!

  6. Thanks so much for mentioning me Ann!. I totally forgot about Bruce Springsteen’s ‘Better Days’, see how much YOUNGER I’m getting? Thanks also for sharing this Réparation!

  7. Nice to read that you are back with all your usual great details Ann 😀

  8. So glad it went well … you had me on tenterhooks going on the freeway in the wrong direction!
    Thank you for sharing such uplifting musics Ann 🙂
    Have a great weekend with Penny and the gang.
    Val x

    • Actually, Val, the Mass Pike is not free. It costs money, even if you’re going in the wrong direction.

      Thanks, as always, for an uplifting comment (and please accept any necessary réparations for my lifting you up on tenterhooks).

  9. For me it was, all in all, an experience filled with love – seeking, which was love – inspiring and during which there was a lot of love, exchanged. Along with that, I was able to observe an extremely talented professional, create a safe (both psychologically and emotionally) space for an important procedure to take place. I was able to observe an extremely talented person with a lot (understatement) of experience as both a patient and a care provider, help create a safe space for herself by making authentic connections with the human beings charged with the task at hand. Nuf said. Glad always, to be along for the ride.

  10. Oh, my stress level has gone way down! I’m so glad that your experience was better this time. I’m just so glad. And I’m sure that Carol was, too. What a wonderful friend. (And a great t-shirt.) Thank you for sharing this. I’m enjoying the Bruce Springsteen song, too. It’s raining pretty hard here today, but it feels like sunshine.

  11. I’m so happy to know that the procedure was much easier for you this time, What a relief that must have been for you. Your post is wonderful – full of friendship and reliable people. I’m glad you are so well-loved, Ann.

  12. Nice to hear things were much easier this time around

  13. I am so glad it was much easier for you!

  14. I’m so glad you were properly prepared this time, Ann. Yay, yay, yay. I loved your T-shirt for the occasion, too.

    Here’s my special gift for this post, Ann.

    • I was thinking about that song, too, Mark!! As usual, your thoughtful and clever visit to my blog is a réparation (and a revelation).

  15. I could not miss your first post with a French title, as much as I wish you’d tried doing one with a title written in Traditional Chinese characters. Also, isn’t it weird that French words often sound like a kinda expensive dessert to have with coffee? Buddy Holly is a great antidote to anything a) bothersome and b) French. “Transesophagael” almost sounds like street-French that would be hollered at American tourists looking for a Dunkin’ Donuts at 7 in the morning, translated roughly as “Hey American lady, there is no Green Line here!” or alternately, “American girl, did you leave the hotel before you were ready this morning?” I am so glad you got back safe and sound, AK.

    • “Safe and Sound” seems like something a tourist might yearn for and express, in any language. Your entire comment — written in traditional Schwanerese, using guttural/non-guttural, rare/familiar sounds — is a reparative antidote to anything a) bothersome and b) bother-free (doesn’t that sound like duty-free, JS?)

  16. Pingback: Day 755: Binge Watching | The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally

  17. Well done! You are so brave, facing something you have good reason to know will hurt is so very hard. You did it with great dignity and courage. I am really enjoying the Buddy Holly as I write this.

  18. I’m rejoicing that the procedure is behind you! During the post i thought i would need a bit of reparations. I’ll bet your friend Carol experienced the same….In charge of getting you to the hospital, arriving a bit late for the appt…, thankfully all is behind you on this important part of the journey.

    Loved all the music. Enya has such a hauntingly, beautiful voice. Bruce is a fireball of energy and Buddy won my heart. We were gifted while he was here.
    Don’t forget to smile. Smiles are infectionous and uplifting. They are gifts we give to mankind, softening the edges of the corners in our lives.

  19. Pingback: Day 1069: Your name here | The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally

  20. Pingback: Day 1373: Dreams | The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally

  21. Pingback: Day 2185: Understanding how good people think | The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally

  22. Pingback: Day 2364: Where would you go in a time machine? | The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally

  23. Pingback: Day 2486: Shocking confession. I’ve made mistakes. | The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally

  24. Pingback: Day 2589: Why we love weddings | The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at

%d bloggers like this: