Here’s a question I heard in a therapy group at work, yesterday morning:
This question was asked and answered, in many different ways, by people feeling
- self-critical, and
For me, it was neither too much nor too little. I was honored to witness all of them, as they spoke, wrote, and shared about “too much.”
Often, in group therapy and elsewhere, people wonder: “Am I
They ask, in many different ways: “Are my feelings, thoughts, needs, wants, demands, desires, responsibilities, tears, fears, hopes, burdens, reactions, laughter, anger, worries, disappointments, expectations
What do you think?
Yesterday, after work, I met with my primary cardiologist, Dr. Deeb Salem, for two hours, for the second time in two months.
Did we talk
Whenever I talk to Dr. Salem, it seems like the right amount.
Did we decide
Not really. In the course of that long conversation, Dr. Salem and I discussed many scenarios and possibilities, including
- the possibility of my having heart surgery soon after I return from California, in less than two months,
- the distinct possibility that will help me feel better and live longer,
- the distinct possibility of that heart surgery — valve replacement — making my heart worse,
- the distinct possibility that if we do nothing for too long, my heart will deteriorate to the point where that surgery will not fix things, and I will need to wait for a heart transplant,
- doing and deciding nothing until we get the results of the kashmillion* tests I’ll be undergoing in the next couple of weeks, and
- Dr. Salem starting a blog about me.
I don’t think Dr. Salem was serious about that last possibility. When he said, “I’m going to start a blog about YOU,” as he left the exam room yesterday, to page one of the kashmillion* cardiologists I’ve been seeing lately, that sounded more like a threat than a promise.
Isn’t Dr. Salem
And I mean that with just the right amount of affection and respect.
In all that I dealt with yesterday, was there anything that seemed
One thing that seemed too much to comprehend and bear: When I arrived for my appointment with Dr. Salem yesterday, he was on the phone making plans to attend and participate in the memorial service for Dr. Michael J. Davidson.
I found those images here, left in loving memory of the cardiac surgeon who was shot and killed at a nearby Boston hospital, two days ago.
For you, is there anything in this post that is
I hope you know that any thoughts, feelings, or questions you express in a comment will NOT be too much, for me.
As I try to comprehend all that is happening around me, what helps me are
- community, and
So, when I woke up this morning, I thought about an old skit from Saturday Night Live. Let’s see if I can find it, anywhere …
I guess that was too much for me to expect, that I could show you the “Nuclear Plant Retiree” skit with Ed Asner, from Season 10 of Saturday Night Live.
If I try to describe that skit to you, would that be
In that SNL skit, a nuclear power plant expert, played by Ed Asner, is retiring. At his goodbye party, he says to his co-workers:
No matter what happens, you just need to remember one thing: You can never put too much water in the nuclear core.
Everybody nods and bids him farewell.
Some time after he’s gone, something goes horribly wrong at the reactor. As people are panicking, some people are convinced he meant “Don’t put any water in there!” and others think he meant, “Put as much water in as you can!”
The last shot in that skit: Ed Asner sitting on a tropical beach with a nuclear cloud in the background.
Isn’t language — and all the possibilities of human beings misunderstanding each other —
What music would be — not too much, not too little — just enough for this post?
As it is, this is the music I was listening to yesterday, as I was dealing with all there was:
Would some other photos I took yesterday be
My boyfriend Michael thinks it’s too much when people leave up Christmas lights this late in January. Since I enjoy color and light when it’s cold and dark, I think it’s just right.
Too much thanks to Dr. Salem, to the late Dr. Michael Davidson, to my bf Michael, to Saturday Night Live, to Pat Metheny, and to everybody everywhere who has ever helped me and others deal with too much and too little (including you).
* Kashmillion is too much.