Day 690: Different styles, continued

Yesterday, I wrote a post titled “Different styles” which included

  • dealing with people whose styles are different from mine,
  • accepting the different styles I have within me, and
  • cursing.

After I wrote that post in the morning, I went to a doctor’s appointment, with one of my cardiologists.

I have two cardiologists — whom I’ve nicknamed “Mr. Spock” and “Captain Kirk” — because of their different styles.

Yesterday’s appointment was with Mr. Spock, whom I see approximately twice a year. (I am seeing Captain Kirk once every three months.)

Here is something I’ve been noticing about their different styles, lately: Mr. Spock Cardiologist looks into the future for me and for my very unusual heart in what seems to me to be a more negative way.  My personal style of observation tells me that Captain Kirk Cardiologist looks into the future for me and my heart in a more positive way.

I believe that Mr. Spock and Captain Kirk recognize their style differences, but I don’t know if they would use language like “negative” and “positive.”

It occurs to me, in the moment, that negative and positive are two sides of a battery:

images (50)

Here are my associations, in the moment, with that photo (which lives here, according to Google Images):

  1. I have been dependent upon cardiac pacemaker batteries, to stay alive, since I was 10 years old,
  2. I am currently confused about whether I am getting green, yellow, or red signals regarding my future and possible next steps (including valve replacement surgery), and
  3. The word “currently” in #2, above, is a pun, which I could say was intentional, but that would be lying, and that is NOT my style.

I wonder if I have confused people, so far, in this post. If I have confused you, that is NOT just a reflection of my personal writing style. If you are confused, you are not alone. I am confused.

Since my personal style is to seek clarity, whenever possible, I hope to move forward, through confusion, as soon as possible.

In the meantime, I shall be listening to music, which always helps me, no matter what my and other people’s personal styles are. Here’s a song I was very glad to hear yesterday:

I started loving that rendition of “Ain’t That Peculiar” soon after I got my first cardiac pacemaker, on November 22, 1963. While those lyrics are about a failed love affair, many of them seem to apply to my  situation, including “unlike a child, my tears don’t help me to get my way.”

But that’s my personal style, too: thinking lots of things are connected and applicable to my situation.

For example, right after I saw Mr. Spock Cardiologist, yesterday, I snapped this photo, thinking it somehow applied to my life:


Does that seem peculiar, that I took that photo? That bumper sticker reminded me of Rodents of Unusual Sizes  from the movie “The Princess Bride,” which cheered me up, a little.

When I saw “RUS” yesterday, I thought I might riff, in today’s post, about what else RUS could stand for.

What else could RUS stand for?

  • Russia, where my ancestors emigrated from, to the USA.
  • That’s all I’ve got, this morning. Could you think of some other Relevant, Useful Suggestions for what else RUS might stand for?

I took some more photos, after that one, as I went back to work.  (I get my medical care and I work as a psychotherapist at two different Boston hospitals that have, I think, different styles.)

IMG_2296 IMG_2297


Speaking of Dark Places, I have found that people who feel depressed, confused, despairing, and overwhelmed — losing (temporary) track of hope — can tend to isolate.

I don’t think that helps, do you? And yet I witness people doing that — the opposite of what would help — all the time.

Ain’t that peculiar?

Thanks to doctors of different styles, all those who do their best when confused, rodents and hearts of unusual sizes, people who put lights on trees (and elsewhere) as the days grow darker and colder, and to you — of course! — for bringing your different styles here, today.

Categories: Uncategorized | 14 Comments

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14 thoughts on “Day 690: Different styles, continued

  1. yeoldefoole

    Really Unusual Stupors?
    Rusted UtensilS?
    Rather Ubiquitous Stickers?

    Yes, isolation is a common style, and being an introvert seems to naturally set me up for that…

  2. There are always so many things I can say when reading your blog. I shall keep it to two. Marvin Gaye rocks. And do you like Kirk or SPock more in Star Trek?

  3. RUS: Really unsettling situation, Ann, not having clarity about the health of your heart. (Well, the physical health of your heart, at least; the caring part is always vigorous.) I hope that you get some positive, helpful news soon.

    As far as isolating goes… I’m an introvert and also very attuned to people’s feelings. Isolating usually helps when I’m in a dark place, because my batteries can recharge without being drained and I can listen to my own feelings. Sometimes, isolating helps a lot. Once I am somewhat restored, I benefit from the company of friends and family, but not before. So, I see being on my own as a healing thing. Like stepping away from a busy workplace for a walk along the river.

    “Isolating” feels like a negative, kind of medical word for something good that has helped me a lot. A word that feels more right to me is “resting”.

    • I am Really Unequivocally Satisfied with this comment, Maureen.

      I love resting, too, and I do need alone time to recharge my batteries. It’s a very good thing that helps lots of people.

      When I say “isolating,” I mean something else: it’s what people do when connection would definitely help them (and they know that, on some level) but, instead, they keep themselves away from others because of fear, shame, low self esteem, etc. I know that experience and it is NOT helpful. I tend to do that when I’m hurt, for fear that people will not understand. I’m learning to do that less.

      As usual, you help me Realize, Understand, Say important things.

  4. Yes, that dark place works its negative magic over us and makes us do exactly the opposite of what we need to do. It is difficult not to succumb to it.

  5. It’s the time of the year for darkness to creep further into our days, Ann. And we can’t stop it.

    But we won’t isolate ourselves. Or think the worst. Because it happens regularly. And we come out of it.

    I guess until Dec. 21 this cycle causes Really Unneccessary Stress.

    Then the second half of the cycle swings in, as aways. Have a good Saturday. Be positive. Recharge your batteries, if you can.

  6. Really Unpleasant Smells. When you live with dogs, you have to expect a certain number of these. 😀

  7. Pingback: Day 1206: What is your style? | The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally

  8. Pingback: Day 2480: Different | The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally

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