Why do people (including me) focus on what’s undone, rather than noticing what IS done?
Do you focus on what you’ve left undone, rather than giving yourself credit for what you’ve done? Think about this: every time you make a choice to do something, the things you are NOT doing instead are …..
Infinite things can be very overwhelming and can make people feel undone, don’t you think? For example, I had a discussion yesterday, at work, with my friend Jan, about Infinity Scarves:
(I’m done, here, including the link for that photo) (in the past, I’ve come undone about giving credit correctly)
Neither Jan, another great nurse named Arvetta,* nor I want anything to do with those infinity scarves, which look like they’re infinitely difficult to do and undo.
Besides agreeing with Jan and Arvetta about infinty scarves (and other things), here’s something else I did at work yesterday — individual therapy with several people. Every person I saw was painfully aware of what he or she was NOT doing. As a result of those kinds of self-judgmental thoughts, all these people seemed somewhat undone — that is, overwhelmed, lost, depressed, and anxious. When I invited them to look at what they have been doing — and to be more generous, kind and forgiving with themselves — they all seemed to feel better by the time they were done talking to me.
It is always a privilege, for me, to witness people doing their best to undo old habits of negative self-judgment.
Here’s something else helpful to do: make lists of what you HAVE done.
For example, yesterday, I
- listened to music,
- drank water,
- read and answered emails,
- talked to several people, including family members,
- took my pill, and
I could make a list of what I left undone, yesterday … but I think I’ll leave that infinite undone list alone and undone, for now.
Phew! That’s a relief.
Sometimes, when we undo old habits and try new ones, we encounter unexpected surprises, challenges, and obstacles.
I just encountered an unexpected surprise, challenge and obstacle, when I searched for the song “Undone” on YouTube.
I was momentarily undone, when I discovered that great blast from the past is really spelled …
Yes, I am a little undone that “Undun” — which, since 1969, I thought was spelled “Undone” — is spelled that way.
However, I don’t want to include any on-line definitions in this post today. Been there, done that. (And as I’ve done before in this blog, I want to remind you that being aware of what you want, and expressing that, helps you avoid becoming undone.)
But before this post is done, I want to give you some idea about what “dun” means. Here’s something I haven’t done yet: checked recent pictures on my iPhone, to see if any of them include the color dun. If they do, I can also be done with the photographic portion of my daily post.
That meal — with some colors close to dun — was done by Michael, last night, for me and my son Aaron. When I was done, all those colors were wiped clean from that plate.
Is my defining dun done?
If so, that still leaves this task undone: deciding whether to undo what I’ve done in this post so far — in any way — or somehow proceed from here, writing about “undun and/or “undone.”
Honestly, I don’t think I should write a post about “Undun.” Writing about the opposite of a color is just not done.
Should I undo my intention of using the song “Undun” and see if there’s a song somebody else has done, titled “Undone”?
I don’t want to do that, either.
Will I do any harm, if I publish this post with a title “Undone” and a song “Undun”? That often undoes me: worrying that I’ve done something wrong, in any way.
I am not rewriting this post.What’s done is done and (I hope) no harm done. Here‘s the song:
Is anything left undone, for you, in this post? Also, what tends to make you feel undone? Will you respond to my questions today or leave that undone? And if you leave that undone, will this post help you leave all self-judgment and shame undone?
All doing and undoings here are now done. Many thanks to everybody, everywhere, who does and doesn’t do, including you.
* When I went to my work email, just now, to double-check the spelling of “Arvetta,” I received this message TWICE:
Your password will expire in 6 days!
Something else I haven’t done.
** Would anybody like to guess how many times I’ve used the word “What” in the titles of my posts? Right now, to me, it looks like an infinite number.
*** Is knowing who wrote and sang “Undun” done for you? If so, are you undone by puns?