Day 427: Easily confused

I think of myself as easily confused.  As a matter of fact, when I picture my own face in my mind (and am I the only one who does that?), I usually appear rather perplexed.

I would say — without too much fear of contradiction —  that confusion is an understandable, appropriate reaction, a lot of the time. I mean, things can be confusing out there (and in here, too).

To add to the bewilderment, there are things we hear — as we are learning to negotiate the world — that actually contradict each other.

For example, there are lots of idioms that say opposite things. For example:

  1. Look before you leap.
  2. He who hesitates is lost.

I mean, if you tried to follow both of those instructions, at the same time … what would happen?  I don’t know how, when, or where you would move next, but I’m assuming you’d be pretty perplexed.

There are several other examples of Opposite Idioms, like

  1. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
  2. Out of sight, out of mind.

… but rather than write more about those,  I’m going to risk disorienting things, by telling you about a joke I made up, during the 1970’s.

Yes, I made up a joke when I was in my 20’s and — a decade later — when I got up the guts to do stand-up comedy at an Open Mic night, that joke was part of my routine.

I’m not saying that joke was the BEST part of my stand-up routine, mind you.  But I did enjoy telling the first — and perhaps, only — “real joke” I’ve ever written.

Now, I could digress into a discussion of what makes a “real joke,” but that would make quite a muddle, wouldn’t it? So rather than confounding things even more, how about if I just take a deep breath and tell you that joke, now?

You may have all heard about “light beer,” which has fewer calories — and a lower alcohol content — than regular beer. Well, I’ve invented a new kind of beer, for a different crowd. It’s called “fat beer,” and it’s got THREE TIMES the alcohol content of regular beer. Here’s the marketing slogan: “He who has a taste is sloshed.”

Hmmmm. You might have several reactions to that joke.  But perhaps we can all agree about this: it’s not exactly mystifying WHY I thought of that joke, this morning.

I’m so easily confused, dear readers, that I’ve actually lost track of other reasons why I chose this topic, today.

However, I will share something else that’s on my mind. Tonight, I’m going to the TD Garden


at the same location as Boston Garden


where I used to see one of my heroes, Larry Bird


… play his heart out.  But tonight, I’m going to that same location, which now has a different building and a different name, to see two of my other heroes play, but in a different sense of that word:


No wonder I’m confused.

Thanks to Wikipedia (for all of the images but the last one*), to anybody else who gets confused, and to you — of course! — for reading today.

* That image can be found here. And, probably, other places too. Confused?

Categories: humor, Nostalgia, personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , | 28 Comments

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28 thoughts on “Day 427: Easily confused

  1. Dear Ann,

    Re idiom no. one:
    Personally, I look before I leap when it comes to spending money and saying things to people about other people.
    I don’t think twice, however, when love is concerned – there I just let my feelings lead me. 🙂

    And yes, I too have asked myself more than once, whether “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” or “Out of sight, out of mind” because I have seen both happen in long-distance relationships of several friends. There doesn’t seem to be ONE correct answer. Generally, I think being apart for a short time once in a while can be good to freshen up a relationship.

    And you are sooooo lucky to go see Paul Simon and Sting together!! Just a few days ago, a friend let me hear Sting’s latest album The last Ship, which at first I didn’t recognize as being Sting.

  2. We need idioms to make ourselves feel better about our spirit-crushing traits. Who among us doesn’t rush into things sometimes and wait too long others? Thus, opposite idioms do attract a crowd. And, decades after your stand-up, they do have fat beer now, Ann, put out by any number of craft breweries that crank up the alcohol content. You were a sooth-sayer. Finally, wave to Paul Simon and Sting for me, please. Have a great time. Lie-dee-die, cussssh. I will play “The Boxer” at some point today in honor of your pending concert experience.

    • Thanks for seeing talent in me, Mark, as you often do. I am happy about this assignment of waving at Paul Simon and Sting as well as the knowledge of your enjoyment of “The Boxer” today.

  3. I’ve always wanted Paul Simon to come play at my birthday one year. nothing big, just a stool and an acoustic guitar.

    speaking of contradictions: How about love? On the radio, you can hear “It Only Takes a Minute” by Tavares, followed by “Love Takes Time” by Orleans.

  4. Mandy

    I enjoyed so many things about this post (including the idioms!), the Larry Bird photo takes me back to my days of being a die-hard Trail Blazers fan (Bill Walton) and seeing Larry play. Such excitement! And your mention of you doing stand up comedy grabbed me like a magnet–I wrote one post about having a hidden fantasy of doing standup–which. will. never. happen. Lol ! Thanks 🙂
    Oh–and Paul Simon. . .oh my gosh. Enjoy!

    • And Mandy, I enjoyed so many things about this comment! Are you SURE you’ll never do stand-up? Thanks so much for all you said.

      • Mandy

        Lol! Well, only at home. Sometimes my husband tells me I’m the funniest woman he knows. The other times he tells me he wants a divorce 🙂 (And I don’t know if he knows many other women–he doesn’t get out much!)

      • He sounds confused. Keep an open mind about the stand-up, Funny Woman!

  5. Hey. The TD is my bank. Are they taking over Beantown?

  6. I think, there are strange idioms at all languages Ann, and people need them sometimes.
    Enjoy for me tonight too, wow what an experience.

  7. Thanks a lot for confusing me Ann! Just joking! 😉 I enjoyed reading your post. Have a great time tonight!!

  8. Never seen Sting. Have a blast!
    (And enjoy a delicious fat beer at the show!)

  9. Simon & Sting. A great combo. Enjoy!

  10. I continually become confused between the advice of ‘live for today’; and ‘hold onto your dreams’ (ie: future). Then my approach should be……?

    • Exactly, Elizabeth! I guess we have to figure what’s right for each of us, in each situation, and let go of the conflicting advice. Always great to see you here.

  11. Pingback: Day 1523: Confused? | The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally

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