Day 420: Falling behind/Keeping Up

This is going to be a quickly-composed post, dear readers.

Maybe that will help ME become quickly composed, also.

I’ll be more direct about my state of mind, right now.  I feel:

  • rushed.
  • aware of a VERY packed day ahead of me, at work, on my first Monday after returning from Panama.
  • a little “thrown” because of some mistakes I just discovered (my mistakes and others’ mistakes).
  • a little guilty.

I don’t have time to write much more about those feelings this morning, but I would like to add a little more about that last feeling.

Little guilt, let’s call it, for now.

I’m having some guilt/fear/whatever-you-want-to-call-it, regarding the very distant (distant, NOT distinct) possibility of hurting somebody else. How do I think I might hurt this person?  By seeming to be “competitive.”  By lessening somebody else’s chance to get what they want.

In this blog, I’ve written before about “free-floating” negative feelings that attach themselves to whatever they can hold on to — and once dislodged by reality testing or other coping strategies, float and attach again. (See here for a blog post about that.)

That’s a very familiar feeling …. and I suspect that’s what I’m really dealing with, this morning.

What else am I dealing with?

Fear of falling behind. Fear of not keeping up — at work and elsewhere.

That’s a very familiar feeling for me, too. When I was on a hike in Panama, that old feeling showed up – in a obvious, physical way. (See here, for that post.)

So how can I compose myself AND this post, right now, so everything is “good enough”?

Let’s go to another old, familiar routine (but one that’s more helpful):

  1. Check iPhone for relevant images.

Well, I don’t know if this is relevant, but I just found a photo I took yesterday, which shows something I THOUGHT I SAW. (I doubt the evidence of my own perceptions, sometimes.) (That’s a familiar feeling, too.)  So what’s the photo?

Image

Aren’t those BUDS on the trees?!?!??!!

(sigh)

Okay, so what was this post about, again?

I THINK this post might have been about the healing power of distraction and hope,  and how those help me (1) keep up with obligations and (2) let go of unhelpful thoughts.

No matter what this post IS about, it’s time to end it, so I can make it to work, with some time to spare. Above all, I don’t want to rush, this morning (or ever, actually).

Thanks to everybody who falls behind, keeps up, competes, rushes, doubts their perceptions sometimes, and anybody else  I haven’t covered so far, in this expression of gratitude.  And special thanks to you — for keeping up with me today.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , | 16 Comments

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16 thoughts on “Day 420: Falling behind/Keeping Up

  1. Those emerging buds are the perfect photo subject for your post today, Ann. In the dark and snow of winter, we doubt we will ever feel the warmth of spring. And every year those first buds emerge to prove us wrong. Every time we feel a little behind in work or conflicted about how we’ve treated others, we doubt our ability to succeed. And yet we emerge caught up and with the respect of the other person(s). Have a good Monday getting back to level, Ann.

  2. I know all too well that guilt and I hate it!

    • It can be painful, for sure. Lately, I have been trying to (get this!) love all the feelings — or at least accept them — as a way of helping them flow through me (and leave more room for others). Thank for this thought-provoking comment.

  3. Have a nice day Ann 😀

  4. Dear Ann,

    It’s 9:30 p.m. here, which means 2:30 p.m. in Boston, so your first hours of work today are behind you already and I am curious to hear how your day was!!

    Heila

    • The day went fine, Heila, although I have to admit I’m spending the evening, now that I’m home, taking care of other obligations (like writing an article about the groups I do). In other words, I’m still trying to keep up! Always great to see you here.

  5. I hope that you’re having a good day, Ann. You’ve got a lot on your plate. A lot. I hope by the end of today you feel that you’ve made your way through a nibble or two.

    • I find that a really helpful validation — the recognition that there’s a lot on my plate. Thank you for that and the rest of this delicious comment.

  6. I hope you got your work done–or at least feel better about what you did accomplish. I think I was in a similar mood yesterday and feeling a bit overwhelmed, but writing a blog post actually did help. The buds on the trees are a welcome sight, too. We had snow flurries this morning and we’re expecting more snow tomorrow. Wishing you all the best!
    Merril

  7. I read a lot of blogs, and yours is still one of a kind 🙂

  8. Pingback: Day 436: Looking Up | The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally

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