Day 387: Why I’m not afraid of going out today

There are lots of reasons why I SHOULD be afraid of going out today, including:

  1. It snowed last night.
  2. It’s 9 degrees, in these here parts 1.
  3. The expected high is only 18 degrees.
  4. I don’t know what the friggin’ wind child factor is — how the outside world is SUPPOSED TO FEEL, according to some cockamamie calculation by some weather wonk — but, I can tell you this: that’s not good, either.
  5. With all of the above (plus my personal health “conditions”) 2, today has more obvious dangers, than yesterday did.

And in posts past, I have certainly written about my fear of the elements (see here, here, here, here, here, or basically any post I’ve written during the winter months,  for obvious or subtle clues about same).

So why aren’t I scared, this morning?

Well, I’ve had some practice — at this point in the winter of 2013/2014 — of dealing with all of the above. And I’ve lived — no worse for the wear. So that definitely helps.

What else helps?

In a previous post, I referred to books I’ve re-read many time, including The Courtship of Eddie’s Father, by Mark Toby.

Image

Several years ago, I ordered this book, from Amazon, so I could own it again.  While I did not take the photo above, I thought I could have when I wrote that previous blog post, because that book I ordered (plus the one I owned in the 1960’s) looked just like that picture.  However, when I was writing that previous blog post, it was easier to find a photo online, rather than look for the book.

Why?  Because of something else that usually scares me: Looking for something I own, for fear I will not find it.

I’m upstairs, while I’m writing this portion of the blog post. I believe that book is downstairs, somewhere. Today, I’m not afraid of looking for that, either, and I will, in just a moment.

But, wait!  I haven’t revealed WHY I want to look for that book.

Here’s why: This is my memory of the last line of that book, which has been echoing in my head, since I started writing this post:

Fall in love. Love will make you brave.

Aha!  There’s another reason I might be afraid to look for that book: fear that my memory might not be good enough.

Hold on. I’m venturing downstairs.

Hmmmmm.

While I found other treasured books from my past:

Image

Image

Image

…. no sign of The Courtship of Eddie’s Father.

What do I deduce, dear readers, from that?  Well, the book could have been destroyed, when the basement flooded at our previous residence. Or, it could be somewhere else, lurking, where we live now.

But, you know what? I’m not scared about any of that. And I’m not disappointed, either, even though I can’t use  my original plan for the ending of this post: A photo of the last line(s) of that book, which I figured would be close enough.

Instead, here’s another ending, which I love.

Thanks to all those reading, today, who love, are loved, or are brave for any reason. And that would include you (even if you don’t know it).


  1. That’s just my way of saying “Fahrenheit”, these days.

  2. Not to worry. I have a pacemaker and recently received a new diagnosis of atrial fibrillation, but I’m fine.  Really. I’m not just saying that! I just need to be more careful about injuries — like slipping on ice or getting into a car accident — because I’m taking anti-coagulant medication.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 35 Comments

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35 thoughts on “Day 387: Why I’m not afraid of going out today

  1. I wanted you to know I’m thinking about you and that I gather strength and courage from people here, yourself included. xo

  2. Ann, this is how I live life. When my cards are up, they are up. So what is the use of living in fear when the appointed time for departure has already been deduced? Now, of course you could cheat and deliberately cut out before those cards are up. But anyways…..

    Your post helped me a lot today. I have made the decision to go back to the gym, yet and I will be honest, the niggle of nervousness is in my stomach, and I would much rather not go to the gym. Why? One reason, I am now out of shape when I have been in shape my entire life. Two, I am nervous about running into someone I know and have them thinking, “Oh, wow, has she gotten old!” (Oh how vain thou art!) Three, I get along better with animals then I do with humanoids, or so it seems. Due to my “knowing” I tend to make people nervous and hence, they avoid me.

    So, that all being said and done, I like your book collection. And if I have surprised you by my words, oh well. Here I am, a “professional” who worked for years, and now nervous, (oh cripes just writing this there go the butterflies) to be seen in places I used to frequent. Well, here is to you, Ann. I’m going to the gym today, out of shape and all. (I used to body build…..just to give you an idea….)

  3. The anti-coagulants are a risk if you fall. My mother slipped while on them, and the resulting bruises which would have just been annoying were a bit of a risk for the subdural bleeding. Fun times.

    I bet you also have a copy of The Many Loves of Dobey Gillis somewhere!

    (You are well on your way to being fearless!)

  4. Ann although new to your blog it is clear you have been inspiring people for a long time. I love your attitude about not letting fear stop you, all balanced with sure footing on the snow and ice. Have a good day!

  5. Stay safe and warm! That’s way too cold for me, I wouldn’t walk out the door! 🙂

  6. I CAN’T BREATHE.

    I just spotted THE BOOK THAT CHANGED MY LIFE on your book shelf.

    My heart is pounding.

    A Wrinkle In Time.

    I want to comment on your post. Just give me a minute to catch my breath, okay?

    • Are you okay? That was quite a while ago you said you couldn’t breathe. Let us know when you’ve come up for air, because I’m certainly interested in what you might want to share about “A Wrinkle in Time.” That’s another book I ordered later in life to evoke and honor important childhood memories. I loved it when I first read it, so much.

      • Yes. I’m okay now.

        That book changed my life.

        I was – 8, I think. I read it and realized nothing was what it seemed. That there was a parallel universe. That the power of love was EVERYTHING. That quantum physics and other worldly beings could intersect in a different dimension.

        And I fell in love, hard love, with books and the written word for the rest of my life.

        Because of A Wrinkle In Time.

      • I’m so glad you read that book when you were 8. I think I was about that age when I read it, too.

      • Lovely book. A life changer, that one. I’m such a book freak, I must confess Ann- I scanned the pics of your books and saw several beloved faves. I can’t remember them all now, because I stopped breathing, and all….

  7. Point 5² got me a lump in my throat. Take care and keep warm.

  8. “Cockamamie calculation by some weather wonk” is a perfect thought in this sub-zero day in the northeast. I will bravely name it my favorite Ann alliteration ever! You were quite brave in showing us so many shelves of the books-of-your-life, Ann. Thanks for opening that window. Now, the where-is-it of ‘Courtship’ book. With the other glove and sock, hope not. And the what-was-it from yesterday’s post. Are you going to share the elusive message down the line, or was it just a brain-teaser like that little game the put on the table at Cracker’s Barrel restaurants where you try to leave just one golf tee standing?

    • What elusive message is it, to which you refer, Mark? I’m not being coy, I’m just losing track of all the hints and clues I’ve been putting out there in blog posts lately. If you ask directly for me to clear something up, I will do it, most happily.

      And here’s another puzzle for you, if you want to play: there’s a (Freudian slip of) an error in today’s post. Can you find it? I left it there for people who like puzzles and who like to read carefully. Like you, I think. Thanks so much for the visit and for one of my favorite Mark messages ever.

      • OK, you put the shot of your one-socked foot on the floor with a kitty in the corner and asked what it meant. I’d love to know what you were going for with that one, Ann. I will now have to go back and look for today’s Freudian slip. You have me hopping (on one foot, no).

      • OK, I think I got the slip, you child of the wind.

      • Yes, indeed, Mark. I am going to attempt to answer your question in the blog I write today (Day 388). Thanks, as always.

  9. Eleanor

    Ann,
    I thought you were going to say that you got a fabulous pair of warm and waterproof boots and other necessities (a fabulous warm and waterproof parka – they do make them, SmartWool socks,etc.) for living in New England during the water thus enabling you to shed fear of the elements. I am a true wimp when it gets really cold – no town meetings, sports events, spontaneous meet ups — I stay home and stay warm.
    I recently re-read Franny and Zooey and it was so much more rewarding than when I first read it — I think.
    Warmly,
    Eleanor

  10. Haven’t commented for awhile. Moving my blog to a new home with a new name. Liked your post. We’re all afraid of something. Susan Jeffers wrote a book called, “Feel the Fear and Do I Anyway”. Think you would like it. But the book I like which deals with fear from a Christian viewpoint, is one by John Ortberg called “If you want to walk on water, you have to get out of the boat.” Gotta’ go get out of the boat. Take care.

    • Thanks for this comment, Rebecca. Good to hear from you and I’m glad you liked the post. Thanks for the book recommendations, also.

  11. My little brain cannot even compute temperatures that cold — i think its okay to be at least a little afraid of them, because, well, frostbite and stuff. I’ll be thinking warm thoughts for you as you venture out into the tundra!

    • I’m guessing your brain isn’t little, and I appreciate all these helpful and kind thoughts from that brain of yours, right now.

  12. When it is that cold, a book, especially an old, well-loved book, warms.

  13. Pingback: Day 444: PCP | The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally

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