Day 195: Self care, wisdom, kindness

Yesterday, I had a Day of Narcissism.

That is, I got my hair cut and my nails done.

Before I left the house for all that, I wrote my daily blog post, on Personal Power, which included a worksheet I’ve used in group therapy.

I also use a Self Care Worksheet in the groups I do. Here are the questions on that worksheet, which I will answer right now:

Self Care Worksheet

Question:  What does self care mean to you?

Answer:  It means paying attention to my needs; treating myself kindly; getting good sleep, food, drink, and other sustenance; asking for help when I need it; and, sometimes, pampering myself!

Question: What are some examples of things you’ve done for self care?

Answer: Getting a massage, getting to bed early, drinking lots of water, calling a friend, getting my hair cut, getting my nails done.

 

Question: What gets in the way of you doing self care?

Answer:  Not having enough time, putting other people’s needs over my needs, feeling like I don’t deserve it, labeling it as “narcissistic,” “self-centered” or “selfish” (especially when awful things are going on in the world).

Question:  How would you like to be, regarding self care?

Answer: Doing it whenever I can, without self-judgment.

Another aspect of  self care, for me, is spending time with people who are kind, as I’ve written about many times this year (for example, here, here, and here).  It’s also self care for me to spend time with people who are wise.

Yesterday, when I went to get my hair cut,  I got to spend time with Mia, who has appeared in, one way or another, in several of my posts. Mia inspired one of my personal favorite posts,  “Reasons why somebody hasn’t e-mailed you back yet.”  She has been a wonderful supporter of my writing.  She is also very kind and very wise. She struggles with some self-judgment, at times (as do I).

And she gives me fabulous haircuts.

I’m not seeing Mia, these days, as much as I used to. That’s because I recently stopped having her color my hair — I’m taking care of that department now.

And here’s one of the many things I love about Mia. When I showed up yesterday, at her hair salon (MiAlisa, in Watertown, MA), and she saw what I’d been doing coloring my own hair, she said, “I think it looks GREAT.”

I had done some “mind reading” (a cognitive distortion, listed here) about what Mia might think and say about this, I must confess.

I had thought that (1) My hair color might actually have looked pretty awful  (because I can never really tell what I look like to other people,  for oh so many reasons) and (2) Mia, for oh so many reasons, might suggest, in some way, that I re-consider having my hair professionally colored.

Nope!

I learned (or re-learned) a lot in my trip to Mia’s salon yesterday, including:

1. I get anxious when I go to a hair salon. The anxiety has to do with (a) the fear that changing my hair might bump my looks into the realm of Not Good Enough  (I sometimes use harsher labels for this, which I’m not even going to write here) and (b) I feel weird, narcissistic, or otherwise self-judging when I do something like spending hours focusing on My Hair.
2. Women who are very beautiful and cool (like Jessica, who works at Mia’s salon) have thoughts similar to the ones I expressed in #1, above. I know that, because I’ve heard this from lots of beautiful and cool women, plus I had a great talk with Jessica while she was washing my hair.
3. I miss Mia, so much, when I don’t see her!!  Yesterday, I made sure I wrote down this affirmation she uses:

“I have enough, I do enough, and I am enough.”

Thanks, Mia, for all that, and so much more.

After I had my hair cut yesterday, I went to get a manicure and pedicure. I don’t get my nails done often — maybe three or four times a year.

I don’t know why I go so seldom, since I always feel better afterwards. Also, I have found a nail salon that I LOVE. It’s M T Nails in West Newton, MA.

This is the main reason I love going there:

The people who work there.

 

That’s Lynh.

The very first time I went to M T Nails, Lynh (and the other people there) greeted me so warmly and kindly, I felt welcomed and at ease. (I get anxious when I go to nail salons, too) (especially new ones.) Every time I’ve been since, Lynh has  been just as welcoming, warm, and kind. Also, she ALWAYS remembers my name and details of previous conversations we’ve had, even when I walk in unexpectedly or when I haven’t been there for a LONG time.

Lynh is always gentle, with people’s feet and with their feelings.

Also, Lynh suggested the nail color shown on my toes, above.

I always feel better walking out of M T Salon than I felt when walking in.

And I always feel much better, walking out after I’ve seen Mia, than I felt walking in.

(I’ve heard people, at work, use that exact language describing other kinds of self care they’ve appreciated: feeling better walking out than  they felt walking in.)

Thanks to Lynh, Tina, and everybody else at M T Nails; to Mia, Jessica, and everybody else at MiAlisa Salon; and to you, of course, for reading today.