Day 173: The negativity switch

My negativity switch got flipped.

It’s difficult for me to see the positive right now.

My fears, disappointments, “failures,”  and — hardest of all —  existential isolation are in the foreground.

Hope — which puts the Joie in Joie de Vivre — is hiding.

It’s a beautiful day outside, but I don’t want to go out there.

I know there are reasons behind that negativity switch: recent stressful events and disappointments over the last week or so.  I’ve definitely been “fire-fighting” a lot. For example, my son got suddenly ill and needed to hospitalized (he’s all better!!), my big presentation got cancelled, and there have been other challenges, too. Maybe I’m having a hangover from all those emotions coursing through my body:  fear, relief, disappointment, anger, love, etc. etc.

Maybe I just need to get outside.

Maybe I just need some water. Or some friggin’ food.

On Mother’s Day last month, there was a point that I was getting cranky and annoyed. My bf and I were starting to squabble about something. My son turned to my bf and said, “She just needs some food. Get her some food.”

While I fancy myself a complicated and intricate organism, formed by a rich, varied, and sometimes painful past,  exquisitely attuned to the internal and external inputs of life on multiple levels …

I knew he was right. I ate something and felt much better.

I think I’ll go get a spinach breakfast wrap at Starbucks.

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Thanks for reading today.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

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7 thoughts on “Day 173: The negativity switch

  1. Ron Scubadiver

    Oh my. Sounds like a bout of the blues. Your life is not so simple as a single mom.

  2. Gene Phillips

    It is good to have wise young man for a son. I hope the spinach wrap helps. I love the acknowledgement that, no matter how complex we may be, sometimes a fairly simple remedy is at least a partial cure for what ails us.

    • Getting some food and going out for a walk (listening to music and snapping some pix) did the trick. Thanks, Gene!!

  3. Pingback: Day 174: Surprised by joy | The Year of Living Non-Judgmentally

  4. Pingback: Day 178: Feeling discouraged, what helps, and voicemail messages | The Year of Living Non-Judgmentally

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