Day 173: The negativity switch

My negativity switch got flipped.

It’s difficult for me to see the positive right now.

My fears, disappointments, “failures,”  and — hardest of all —  existential isolation are in the foreground.

Hope — which puts the Joie in Joie de Vivre — is hiding.

It’s a beautiful day outside, but I don’t want to go out there.

I know there are reasons behind that negativity switch: recent stressful events and disappointments over the last week or so.  I’ve definitely been “fire-fighting” a lot. For example, my son got suddenly ill and needed to hospitalized (he’s all better!!), my big presentation got cancelled, and there have been other challenges, too. Maybe I’m having a hangover from all those emotions coursing through my body:  fear, relief, disappointment, anger, love, etc. etc.

Maybe I just need to get outside.

Maybe I just need some water. Or some friggin’ food.

On Mother’s Day last month, there was a point that I was getting cranky and annoyed. My bf and I were starting to squabble about something. My son turned to my bf and said, “She just needs some food. Get her some food.”

While I fancy myself a complicated and intricate organism, formed by a rich, varied, and sometimes painful past,  exquisitely attuned to the internal and external inputs of life on multiple levels …

I knew he was right. I ate something and felt much better.

I think I’ll go get a spinach breakfast wrap at Starbucks.

Thanks for reading today.