Day 155: Worrier vs. Warrior

So, yesterday, I wrote an upbeat post, where the moral of the story was, essentially:

Don’t worry, be happy.

I mean, that’s a simplistic retelling, but I believe that captures the overall tone.

Today I woke up, with worry RIGHT THERE, all through me. I felt it in my furrowed brow, in the content and tenor of my thoughts, in the pit of my stomach.

I thought, “Oh, no, not again. Will I EVER stop feeling this way?”

And I listed the reasons why I felt worried, anxious, small, vulnerable, even unsafe, in those early morning moments:

1. A bank balance smaller than expected.
2. A weight, on my scale, larger than expected.
3. A pain in my foot, which I felt with every step.

It helped to list those reasons in my thoughts.

It REALLY helps to write them down, now.

It helps to know I have reasons to be anxious.

Those are the facts.

These aren’t:

I am in trouble financially.

I don’t take good care of myself.

I am too vigilant.

I am not vigilant enough.

The deterioration of my body is inevitable.  I should expect that the physical things I love to do (like walking) will be taken away from me.

This is what happens when I feel good about my life — things goes terribly wrong.

I had more thoughts, this morning, which involved labeling myself in unkind ways. I also lingered, for a little while, in a very helpless, scared, depressed place, inside myself.

However, I did take action.

• I talked to myself, identifying the worst fears and remembering other times when I’ve felt this way (and survived to tell the tale, obviously).
• I sent an e-mail to somebody who helps me with money.
• I put on a pair of shoes which relieved the pain.
• And, I made a disparaging remark to the scale.

Last, but not least, I started writing this blog post.

It helps to take action … no matter how small the action is.

It turns me from worrier to warrior.

And I do seem to need to fight this battle, against fear and “catastrophizing” thoughts.

I get confused about the “right things” to do, a lot.

But taking action makes a difference.  It  really does.

Thanks for reading, this morning.