When I write a blog post on Thursdays (like yesterday’s), I get a little more space and time to write — an extra hour or two — before I go into work in the morning. Then, my Thursdays are crazy/busy, and I get home quite late at night, so I don’t have time to rewrite or even reread the long post I’ve written in the morning.
Here are some critical/judgmental thoughts I had this morning, when I finally got a chance to re-read yesterday’s post:
Your blog posts on Thursdays are the worst! Longer, more rambling, with no time to rewrite or even re-read!! That is a recipe for DISASTER!
Arrghh! There are so many parts of this post that don’t make sense!
Look at how you combined the universal with the personal, in such klutzy ways! And you talked about stuff that would gross out most readers, including how you’ve gotten endocarditis in the past! Yikes! What were you thinking?
AND I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT OF ALL DAYS, YESTERDAY’S POST WAS THE ONE WHERE YOU SUGGESTED THAT PEOPLE MIGHT WANT TO RE-BLOG YOUR POSTS!
What is the matter with you? You had better rewrite this post, now, before you even think about writing today’s post.
Phew! That was amazing … to write down those critical thoughts. I find it painful, but helpful, to get them out of my head.
It helps to write them down, because then I can see the cognitive distortions that are going on. I’m seeing Mind Reading, Catastrophizing, Labeling, and several more. (If you want, you can read this list of cognitive distortions and see if you recognize other ones in my judgmental thoughts, above.) (Even better, maybe you’ll recognize some of your own judgmental thoughts there, too.)
AND I am so happy to report something that feels good and new this morning.
I was able to stop the more toxic, painful judgmental thoughts I was having — upon re-reading yesterday’s post — almost immediately, even before I started writing this post.
I was automatically, unconsciously using remedies to these thoughts, which I’ve been collecting (and sharing with others, here.).
It’s so great that I was able to do that, without even thinking!
To repeat, yay!
I think I was able to do that, this morning, because I’m getting to do groups I love doing, at work, where we focus on reducing unhelpful thoughts (as well as other ways to cope and to heal).
The very thing that prevented me from re-writing a better blog post yesterday — doing two groups yesterday, at work, including one in the evening — helped me let go of judgmental thoughts more quickly, this morning.
I think that is very, very cool.
After I let go of the shameful, toxic judgmental thoughts, this morning, I did a very quick re-write of yesterday’s blog post, so I felt it was “good enough.” For me, that means that even though the blog post was long and digressive, even though it combined the universal (I hope) and the personal, it still made enough sense, so that most readers could probably follow it and get something out of it.
I was able to do that quickly enough to turn my attention to writing todays’ blog post.
Now, I believe that I will be able to meet my priorities this morning, which are as follows:
(1) Take care of my son, well enough, so that he has what he needs to get to school on time.
(2) (TIE with #1, above) Take care of myself, well enough, by (a) doing # 1, above, (b) writing a good enough blog post in the morning before I go to work (which has been helping sustain me, through some difficult times), (c) getting the food and preparation I need, and (d) leaving early enough so that I’m not rushing, with anxiety, to work.
(3) Get to work, sustained well enough, so I can do work I feel passionately about, which includes helping people heal and move on with their lives.
I think I’ve written previous blog posts here about several issues I’ve alluded to in that above list, including (1) setting priorities as a way not to be overwhelmed and (2) how it’s important to focus on your own needs, as a way to be more available to others.
But you know what? My son’s alarm just went off, and I want to check in with him. So I’m not going to take the time, right now, to look for the links to these previous blog posts. So you’re on your own with that. If you’re interested in finding more about those things, they are here in my blog, in previous posts.
And who knows? Maybe I’ll get some time, soon, to re-read this post and make this one even better, too — including inserting helpful links to previous things I’ve written.
But for now, dear reader, I believe this post is good enough to publish.
And I have complete faith in you, to figure out what your needs are and to get what you need, in order to change and grow– which may or may not include what I offer you, here.
Thanks, this morning, for reading my good enough post(s).