Note: This here is another blog-ified version of a chapter I’ve been working on for a book. My friend Jeanette really likes this, so this is dedicated to her.
Yes, indeed. If there’s something you need or want, just ask for it.
If you’re skeptical about this, I understand. If I hadn’t encountered this lesson countless times so far in my life, I couldn’t be writing about it now. And believe me, unless I read this post over and over again, I’m pretty sure I’ll doubt it again in the future.
There are lots of reasons why it’s difficult to ask for what you want. Here are two really common ones:
(1) You fear that that you won’t get what you ask for, and you’ll feel much worse than if you hadn’t asked at all.
(2) You believe that people will judge you and maybe even reject you for burdening them, or for being selfish or unreasonable.
Let’s look at these, one at a time.
(1) If you ask for what you want, sure, there’s no guarantee you’ll get it. But here’s the good news: you WILL be able to deal with feeling lousy about it. Don’t believe me? Think of all the times you’ve survived being disappointed before. And while sometimes we might feel that we’re filled up with disappointment, and one more “no” would damage or even kill us, it won’t. And the more you’ll ask, the more you’ll get.
It’s the fear of the Power of that NO, I think, that keeps us from asking. Once we overcome that fear, and ask more, the odds will be good. You’ll actually get what you want, some of the time (If not most of the time.) That huge payoff will make the few “no’s” totally worth it. It’s a great business proposition. You’ll get fine return on your investments (ROI), and ROI governs how most people take business risks.
(2) And as far as being judged by people, remember this: no matter who the person is that you’re asking, they’ve dealt with lots of people asking — a lot less reasonably — for a LOT more than what you’re asking for. No matter how outrageous you think your request is, lots of people have outdone you. I guarantee it. Think of the shameless requests you’ve witnessed in your life, for heaven’s sake. Your request will most likelly be somewhere in the middle of the reasonable-to-shameless request scale. Again, we’re talking excellent ROI here. More often than not, you’re not going to be judged or going to be rejected even close to the way you fear.
There are ways to ask for what you want that can improve your ROI even more, including being clear and direct. But I think the most important factor is believing that you deserve to get what you’re asking for — that you’re worthy of getting your needs met.
And you are, dear reader.
© 2013 Ann Koplow