In the previous post, I promised that I would say more about the rampant fear of Feeling Too Good and the consequences thereof. I felt pretty happy and clever yesterday about using a “cliff hanger” at the end of that post, which — I thought — would help invite you, dear reader, to return the next day and read again. I also thought that device — that link, that Preview of Coming Blog Attractions — would help motivate me to write something the next day without too much effort.
But the downside of that clever plan was the restriction inherent in that, which I’m encountering now. My heart is not really into continuing that topic right now; other issues (including “How do we balance our needs with other people’s needs??”) feel much more present for me. So I could write about THAT. Hmmmm. That brings up more questions for me: Should I show some “discipline” and continue with the roadmap I had laid down the day before? Or be more loyal and true to What Feels Important In The Moment?
And THOSE Questions are now bringing up something even more fundamental (and probably “developmentally appropriate”) for somebody starting their First Blog Ever. That is, something else I’m bumping up against right now is a lack of clarity (for myself) of What This Blog Is. I was able to write an “About” description yesterday, which was real and authentic (and thank goodness I realized that I needed to write an About Description, rather than letting the default non-description “This is an example of a post …” continue to scream Clueless Newbie for much longer). But I’m still figuring out the details about What This Blog Is And Could Be, for myself and for you.
Is it going to be very personal? Am I going to use this to write about difficult memories? Am I going to use it as a way to work through issues as they come up? Am I going to excerpt stuff that I’ve been writing for my book(s), to see how those thoughts work in this kind of format?
I don’t know the answers. I don’t know what this blog is going to be, because I’m just starting it. And I know it’s going to change, take shape, develop norms, structure, and motifs as I go along. But those haven’t emerged yet, and anything is possible at this point. That’s something I love about beginnings,for sure. But what’s scary about beginning anything, though, is that I’m Not Good At It Yet. And how could I be? I’m not practiced or experienced. I haven’t discovered enough yet.
This brings to mind another lesson I keep learning. I just can’t be good at something before I’ve done it. I’ve got to make mistakes, try different things, stumble, bumble, and learn. I’ve got to have faith in my process, and not expect myself (or anybody else) to be Great Right Away.
I’ve been writing down some helpful phrases lately, for myself and others. I added a new one the other day which has been helping:
It’s good enough right now AND I can make it better.
It applies here and everywhere, doesn’t it?
Thanks for visiting, dear reader.